To think I should be allowed to have savings?

You should put all the spare money into your pension to make up what you have lost taking time off work, to have your DC and care for them. His pension did not suffer like yours has.

Do you think he knows you legally own half of everything?

Don't tell him and file for divorce, getting yourself a shit hot lawyer.

He sounds disgusting, and no love of your life.

Show yourself and your kids you DO NOT put up with that shit if life.

Not only is he a prick who is using money as a leverage point, but he's also a financial fuckwit. 20k per person per year can be saved with tax free interest. He isn't paying enough to you in child support, because his salary has pushed the household income up to much. Unless of course you are mortgaged to the hilt. And in which case he's still a fuckwit.
Just so you are aware I am a man. I came from a single income family (dad earned mum was sah.) At no point would dad ever felt it was his money. Their rule was just what you need to buy, you buy. If it's not a need then discuss it.

He'll be paying you a lot more than £400 a month when you divorce him OP

He thinks his children are something you need to sort out with some sort of arms-length ‘child keeping allowance’ from him. He thinks his money is something to keep to himself and not share with his wife. I’m shocked by his behaviour, OP. Essentially, he lives the sham of being a family man but does nothing other than work to line his own pockets and have you facilitate this by doing his share of housework and childcare. He’s rich because you help him have a life where he needs to think of nothing much other than himself. He needs to wake up and realise that legally, half of it is yours and if you leave him, you’ll be better off. He’ll be screwed.

When I read these sorts of set ups, I genuinely feel sad. If one partner out earns another by a considerable amount I would definitely expect them to contribute. I’d hope that they would actually want to contribute more to the household income and support their family. It shocks me when children are concerned that they are not even going halves. He sounds awful and doesn’t see you and the kids as a whole family unit. You don’t even have a mortgage!

I would have a serious chat with him that he needs to help provide more for the kids and open a joint account where each of you put a % portion of your salary into it. The one who earns more adds in a higher portion. All kids/food/bills come out from that account. Personal items such as your own clothes and individual hobbies get paid from your personal account.

Seems like there is no team in marriage these days!

Why are you paying for any of that when his wages are so high and you have no mortgage. I’d not work myself, flip that.

right. even if it's agreed you pay for your own car expenses
A. you're using your car to ferry BOTH OF YOUR children around. they're not just yours, they're his too.
and
B. he's in a position that if it really is something you've both agreed is on you to pay for, he could pay up front and you could be paying him back, rather than the car finance, and therefore paying less in the long run.

Child benefit and pension.
You need to investigate how many years you have completed towards your state pension. ( Assuming UK)
Gov.uk and Martin Lewis Money Saving Expert are the best sources.
There's a good podcast on BBC that I listened to only this morning.
You have until the end of March to buy or top up recent years before this avenue closes.
Please check
If you have had child benefit with under 12s paid to you this would help but you can still claim these years even if you didn't.

Don't panic! You are married, half of everything is yours, just start to fix it piece by piece.

This.

And FFS. He's a financially abusive arsehole.

LTB. You will be better off.

I’m on 6 figures. DH broadly the same but a bit less. He pays for the household and childcare expenses (including school fees) because I do the legwork (home based job). Fools who don’t do any childcare / housework need to pay for it. It might be a good idea to begin to charge him for everything you do.

Pressed send eek!

Your income is 14% of the total therefore you should pay 14% of the house hold and he should pay 86% of it.

So if the total household outgoings with no mortgage are, say £3000 (high but just an example) you should pay £420 and he should pay £2580.
Just to confirm this, £420 is 26.25% of your income.
£2580 is 27% of his.

Therefore, fair. Then you would have over £1k per month left and he would have £6920.

Still shit but better than it is atm!

I mentioned this to DH and he said ‘I didn’t realise you could afford to save, I’ll have to stop giving you so much money,’ and then laughed

Divorce him.
Take half the house, half the £70K+ savings and half his huge pension.
And then laugh.

Further to my previous reply- here are my thoughts.
You should have a joint account. Finances belong to the family in a marriage. If he will not, and for some reason you choose not to leave him, this is what should happen;
ALL family expenses should be added up, including food, car payments, your fuel, kids clothes, presents etc, your day to day bits like lunches etc, (his too) ALL of it. Then you EACH pay a proportionate amount into an account to cover it.
Your income is £1600
His income is £9500
Total income is £11500
Your income is

As a married couple why don't share money.

His take home is £9500 a month on that salary OP.

This is awful. Just awful.

It's ok because when you leave him you'll get half of everything

I’m very surprised you don’t!

he absolutely should be pulling his weight and paying more!

I earn about £1800 a month and Dh earns £3500 a month and he pays for all the bills (tv, internet, gas, elec, water council tax etc) and all child related stuff. He even pays my gym membership and phone. I pay our mortgag (£700) and the rest of the money is mine. I do choose to buy bits for the food shop and house and I also spend that money on the kids if I choose to take them out without Dh. If we go out as a family he will pay.

I do more with the children as he mostly works from 8am-8pm but when he’s home he does contribute also. Some days he can be flexible. he recognises that I have taken time out of my career to raise our family and wants me to be at home as long as I am happy to to raise them. (Youngest is 9 months).

it doesn’t sound like you have a fair split at all.

Me neither.

I just don’t understand how this happens.

This. So he has around £8,500 to your £2,000 net pay, more than 4 times as much. Out of your £2K you pay for your and your joint DCs' expenses, and he gets to keep his £8.5K for his own use. Plus you do all the childcare and housekeeping.

Does this sound fair and equitable to you?

No way he has only £70,000 saved. It looks as though he is purposefully keeping you in the dark.

" ‘I didn’t realise you could afford to save, I’ll have to stop giving you so much money,’ and then laughed. "

I'd divorce him on this alone.

I might challenge it first but if he didn't listen, it'd be ducks in a row time.

So many mistakes but you get the gist!

I would never normally advise this so easily, but OP, leave him! Take half of everything he has, you actually would be much better off financially if you divorced him. With such such a huge disparity in earnings you shouldn’t be paying ANY bills. You’re supposed to be in a marriage, a partnership.
My husband earns way more than I do so he pays ALL the bills, he pays for the cars (insurance, MOT, ad hoc repairs etc I pay for my own fuel though 🤣) he pays for holidays, phone contracts and any big bills for the house like if anything needs replacing (white goods, furniture etc)
I pay for food (humans and pets) pet insurance, I sort birthdays, we both do Christmas, I pay for subscriptions like Netflix and prime…
I save what I can, as does he (separate bank accounts) but we save for both of us. What I have saved is also his and vice versa.

Set up a joint account for every single one of the children’s expenses . It sounds like you are paying much more than half when you only earn bout a tenth of what he earns . Stop doing it . Lao start a regular savings account as soon as you get paid and put that money away every month. He can pay anything the children need from his salary . Don’t be a mug just because you’re married .