To think I should be allowed to have savings?

you need to up your work hours to full time and getting wraparound childcare/nanny and cleaners/gardeners etc which you should both pay for, but as a ratio of your income.
Get your DH to do his fair share of drop offs, pick ups, cooking, ferrying kids to activities.
he needs to step up and start contributing to the family equally

How does your husband expect you to cope financially if he dropped dead tomorrow ? he seems to think very little about you or his children welfare.

DH and I both have access to savings should anything happen to get through a few months.

Yes, if the mortgage is paid off, what exactly does he pay for?

He sounds exceptionally mean and selfish.

And few nannies are keen to look after three children, so you might need a senior and junior nanny, and they are not responsible for housework... so you will have a few salary calculations to do... don't forget household admin.. that's another job.

Send him a bill for all of the hours of childcare including pick up and drop of, weekend and evening premiums and housekeeping you have done. Be reasonable and charge him only 50%. As it is in home care, it will be at premium nanny and housekeeper rates. You can offset the amount he has given you.

I just had the good fortune meeting a man who is generous and treats me like a princess ....but i worry about how to talk about that to my daughter because she might inherit few people and end up very naive - she can be

I have never heard people talking openly about their set ups or with parents. How one does this...

We don't do shared accounts but he paid for everything when I was home stay for donkeys years and when restarted work, he does not ask even a penny.

This! Even if he put maximum yearly contributions into his pension (60k) he will be bringing home at the least 6.5k a month, prob a lot more, and he’s only paying for very minimal bills?! He must be saving thousands a month.

OP your post made me feel very sad, as a SAHM with a high earning husband I can’t begin to imagine living like this (I have full financial control, decisions are joint and everything is shared)

Wow

Your husband is a massive dick. And he's not in this with you.

YANBU!

This is not an equal partnership. Couples vary on how they divide up the finances, domestic chores, childcare etc, but when it's as one-sided as this, I have to say that you are being abused.

As others have already pointed out, he seems to think his earnings are exclusively 'his' while doing none of the domestic labour and expecting the childcare to come out of your earnings alone. He wouldn't have much money left over if he was paying cleaners, housekeepers and childminders to do that work, let's put it that way.

Seriously, please seek advice on how to get out of this 'marriage' that is so heavily stacked in his favour. He's gaslighting you.

It has upset me because I feel quite vulnerable

this is his intention. So you cannot afford the lawyer no doubt. Keep saving and atop telling him. Stop paying for food too. And other bills.

Divorce him

This!

What exactly is he paying for? Legacy it’s half yours and half his. May as well have joint accounts for Al as it is in the eyes of the law. On 190 k he will be bringing in thousands a month - for what?

honestly, it sounds like he doesn't want you to have enough savings to leave him, and he'd lose a lot more money that way. so he wants it so you can't afford to, no matter how he treats you.

You would be in a much better financial position if you divorced him, as long as he didn’t go for 50:50.

OP is being financially abused. The fact her post even asks if she can have savings is symbolic of this. His comment to her is revolting. And indicative of his mindset.

this is financial abuse. what does he spend his disposable income on?
is the rest of your marriage loving? is he respectful?
I am wondering if your husband comes from a particularly sexist culture or upbringing?

Seems odd to me that you’re married and have three children yet don’t have a joint account

this is largely how we did it. no joint accounts (we talked about it, and both felt we'd feel like we couldn't buy things we wanted if it was from joint money.
so we looked at what we each have coming in, and divided the bills accordingly. he gets more money than I do, so he pays for most of them, and the food shopping. I pay for our phone and internet (which includes some of our streaming services, my phone, TV license, pet insurance and some others.
he pays for pretty much everything else.
when I had to stop working, he set up a standing order so I wasn't any worse off, and was still able to manage my side of the costs, and still have money for myself.
and if one of us needs a bit of help when things get tight, the other takes up some of the slack. because ultimately, it's all for our household. it just means by keeping it separate, if I see something I want and can afford it, I don't feel like I have to justify getting it, and vice versa.

Flaming fuck , my husband earns £2k + per month and gives me £200 to top up my own wage. We bought a second car together outright as “his” car was passed down from his father. Why? Because if I didn’t have the car, he’d be doing all the travel with the kids, he would be relied on to go out with the family. We don’t have a joint account, but it works as we’re transparent. (I just don’t tell him regular how much the savings are at in case he gets a bit wild and loose at the thought, and he’d appreciate this sentiment 😂)

Your man sounds like a fucking monster, making to live in the bare bones. wtf is he doing with the rest of his monthly income?

It's utterly shocking that you appear to think it's ok that you got a car on finance when he earns so much and has savings.

Is that how a husband should behave, who's supposed to love you and want you to be happy?

He's got it made. He's paying £400 a month for a nanny and housekeeper isn't he?

Such an imbalance of earnings can cause problems. I don't think you should be cutting back in order to save. If you feel insecure financially this should be addressed in a different way.

Joint account or not is not the issue. DH and I had a similar set up to you in terms of income and we never had a joint account because I didn't want one (for reasons not relevant here). The massive difference was DH paid for everything day to day, including putting money in my account. When I went back to work my salary paid for holidays and savings and DH also put his annual bonus straight into my bank account. If i ever needed any more money i just had to ask. The other important thing was we claimed CB and DH paid it back via his tax return to ensure the years I was a SAHP were covered for national insurance contributions. I now earn significantly more but DH has continued paying the lions share and I do all the savings, big purchases and holidays. It works for us because we both know exactly what the other earns. Your DH is being financially abusive and potentially financially stupid if he isn't making best use of your ISA allowance given he's such a high earner.

Wow, just wow.

This is not ok OP and you do not need our validation on that because you already know it’s not ok.