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AIBU?

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Original poster

Muddy walk: who IBU

144 replies

Ezekiela · 26/10/2024 13:58

Background: I enjoy walking; DH not so much, he does other sports but not much since an injury some months ago.

TLDR: I think he ruined my day out by delaying our departure, wearing unsuitable shoes and cutting the walk short. He thinks I'm unreasonable for not staying on the broad smooth path that we started on and expecting him to walk on a rocky, muddy path where he might fall and aggravate his injury.

Earlier this week, we had a good weather forecast so I planned to visit a beauty spot an hour's drive away; let's say a woodland with colourful autumn leaves. Asked DH if he wanted to come on a scenic walk (answer is normally no, but I always ask.) He said yes. He asked, is there a path? I said yes, it's a popular place so there will be, but I've never been there before so can't say what it's like and given recent rain, it might be muddy.

He didn't want to set off for two hours because of something time-critical he was doing at home. Then when he was ready, I expressed my surprise that he was wearing trainers, not hiking boots. I again said it might be muddy but he replied "These are the most comfortable" so I left it.

The first part of the walk, from the car park to the woodland was on a wide, mostly flat track (suitable for wheelchairs and buggies.) At the wood itself, the path was narrower and strewn with rocks and boulders. No scrambling needed, just stepping over / around the rocks but, as expected, some areas were a bit muddy so you had to pick your way.

He was clearly unhappy, started dragging behind, said he didn't want to continue. I said "this part is the whole reason I've come here so I'm not turning back now."

At one point the path came close to a road so he said he would walk back on the road round the wood instead of through it. I knew if I stayed in the wood I wouldn't enjoy it because of worrying about him, so I also walked back on the road. Admittedly this was my choice. Then he wanted to go straight back to the car the way we had come, instead of completing the circular walk.

AIBU to feel resentful?

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 27/10/2024 11:42

SummerFeverVenice · 26/10/2024 22:53

Yeah hiking boots cure all sorts of injuries, got some torn cartilage in the knee, just wear hiking boots and you are back to being a mountain goat. 🫤

Show quote history

Hiking boots give ankle support and make it less likely to roll your foot on rough ground.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 27/10/2024 11:39

Omg

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/10/2024 11:38

Procrastinates · 26/10/2024 14:08

So he doesn't like walking but accompanied you on a walk despite being injured as you said there would be a path. There wasn't actually a path and therefore he didn't enjoy the walk and you're cross with him because basically he didn't enjoy it. He didn't spoil your walk and you didn't have to worry about him walking back alone. It's all very melodramatic to be honest.

But there was a path. Just not a wheelchair-friendly path.

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2024 11:30

Bloom15 · 27/10/2024 11:04

YABU - I am more like your husband and if my DH made such a fuss of me not doing something I didn't want to do I would be annoyed. I have a bad back so can't do rocky terrain and I hate walking through mud

So presumably you wouldn't have gone?

Bloom15 · 27/10/2024 11:04

YABU - I am more like your husband and if my DH made such a fuss of me not doing something I didn't want to do I would be annoyed. I have a bad back so can't do rocky terrain and I hate walking through mud

RambleRedux · 27/10/2024 10:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Ezekiela · 27/10/2024 10:39

PuppyMonkey · 27/10/2024 10:15

Never mind paths, was there a pub involved?

There’s your main problem imho.Grin

You may well be right!

Although previously, when we've done a pub walk, he walks as fast as he can to get there, whereas I like to stop to look at a butterfly or listen to a bird singing. I enjoy the walk for itself whereas to him, it's something you do in order to get somewhere.

This didn't have a destination, it was a circular walk for the purpose of enjoying the nice weather and the autumn colour.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ezekiela · 27/10/2024 10:31

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/10/2024 10:03

@Hunglikeapolevaulter I was replying to the PP who was incredulous that anyone goes for a walk without going off the path.

'The path' and the 'The natural ground' can be the same thing, as illustrated by OP's picture actually.

I've attached a picture similar to our local walking path. Perhaps OP's DH was expecting closer to that in which case his trainers would have been fine. Either way I don't think it's a big deal, just a mismatch in expectation of a place that neither person had visited before.

This is exactly like the first path (which I would call a track) which he liked.

OP posts:
AspiringChatBot · 27/10/2024 10:28

Your walking styles and preferences are incompatible, at least for now. It sounds like you're happy and feel safe walking alone, so remember how you feel now and go on your own in future. Or work it out so you start out together and he can go read in the car or something if he doesn't want to continue.

Also, it sounds like you're trying to cater to him and then resenting it afterwards. If you ask him to come and he says "OK, but I won't be ready to leave until 2 PM", either reconcile yourself to that in order to have the company or tell him you're leaving in ten minutes and if he can't make it he can come along with you another time instead. It's not really fair to agree to wait two hours and then be angry with him because his schedule was different form yours.

Original poster
Ezekiela · 27/10/2024 10:25

SummerFeverVenice · 26/10/2024 22:59

That is a path, but it is very slippery and treacherous looking path for anyone with an injury that affects hiking.

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His injury doesn't affect hiking per se (I've used an example of a broken finger upthread.)

But thank you for the perspective that the path looks slippy and treacherous to you, because that must be close to his view, whereas I think it's a really decent path.

OP posts:
honestasever · 27/10/2024 10:23

It’s not about the mud, it’s about slipping and being unstable with an injury

smilingeleanor · 27/10/2024 10:22

don't get some of these responses

he was being an idiot and ruined your walk - but you then martyred yourself walking along the road and also waiting 2 hours for him. Do you often pander to him to try and manage his moods?

just don't invite him next time or if there is
more going on in terms of the above then suggest you think on why you do this

Original poster
Ezekiela · 27/10/2024 10:21

Threecraws · 27/10/2024 09:28

How did you phrase the question? Was it do you want to come for a scenic walk or was it, I'm going on this specific walk do you want to come?

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It went something like this:

"It's a nice day so I'm going to go to X place for a scenic walk. It's a woodland with good autumn colour about an hour's drive away. Would you like to come?"

"Where is it?""

"Southwest of [city] on the edge of [national park.]"

"Is there a path?"

"It's a popular walk so there will be. I don't know exactly what it's like because I've never been, but there will be a path. Given all the recent rain, it might be muddy in places. "

Then he said yes, he'd come, but we can't set off until [time] because of what he was working on.

At departure time i said

"Oh! You're wearing trainers. It's likely to be muddy in places so I thought you'd wear walking boots."

"These are more comfortable."

Shrug

OP posts:
coffeesaveslives · 27/10/2024 10:17

It honestly sounds like a lot of drama from both sides.

NowImNotDoingIt · 27/10/2024 10:16

Is your relationship ok otherwise @Ezekiela ?

Was your worry about him about safety or him being even moodier/taking it out on you etc?

I think, all things being good otherwise it was just a case of breakdown in communication and different expectations. This can be annoying of course, but it happens and not the end of the world. Doesn't mean any of you were necessarily in the wrong or deliberately a prick.

You gave something a go, it didn't work out, and you also found out that his injury, although healed , is not completely past him.

Allfur · 27/10/2024 10:15

Interlaken · 27/10/2024 10:11

It does seem that the “rules” are changing here and that you need to talk about it. Does he expect you to not do the walks he’s anxious about.

I guess he didn’t mean to sabotage the walk, but given that he did anyway, having a discussion about it would be useful. It seems you definitely need to talk about expectations here.

He's a grumpy man child, go on the walk or don't but don't ruin it for others

PuppyMonkey · 27/10/2024 10:15

Never mind paths, was there a pub involved?

There’s your main problem imho.Grin

GermanBite · 27/10/2024 10:13

bestbehaveyou · 26/10/2024 14:01

He have the walk a go
it didn’t work out

and you sound very peculiar to feel resentful and still navel gazing about it

Poor DH

He's not a 5 year old

Interlaken · 27/10/2024 10:11

It does seem that the “rules” are changing here and that you need to talk about it. Does he expect you to not do the walks he’s anxious about.

I guess he didn’t mean to sabotage the walk, but given that he did anyway, having a discussion about it would be useful. It seems you definitely need to talk about expectations here.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 27/10/2024 10:05

No it isn't.

It is to me. I hillwalk in Scotland though.

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/10/2024 10:03

@Hunglikeapolevaulter I was replying to the PP who was incredulous that anyone goes for a walk without going off the path.

'The path' and the 'The natural ground' can be the same thing, as illustrated by OP's picture actually.

I've attached a picture similar to our local walking path. Perhaps OP's DH was expecting closer to that in which case his trainers would have been fine. Either way I don't think it's a big deal, just a mismatch in expectation of a place that neither person had visited before.

Muddy walk: who IBU
NowImNotDoingIt · 27/10/2024 09:58

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 27/10/2024 09:53

Eh? We regularly do parts of a long walk near us that was once a railway line, running through lovely scenery and woods. We walk on the (sandy, gravelly, maintained) path rather than delving off into the muddy and uneven woods either side, although there are paths through them.

OP posted a picture of the offending path though. It was excellent, broad and well-maintained.

No it isn't.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 27/10/2024 09:53

Eh? We regularly do parts of a long walk near us that was once a railway line, running through lovely scenery and woods. We walk on the (sandy, gravelly, maintained) path rather than delving off into the muddy and uneven woods either side, although there are paths through them.

OP posted a picture of the offending path though. It was excellent, broad and well-maintained.

LaineyCee · 27/10/2024 09:40

Och, it clearly wasn’t that muddy or you’d have needed wellies!

Sidebeforeself · 27/10/2024 09:37

Im a very reluctant walker. In my experience keen walkers often underplay terrain/conditions because ,to them, it’s fine. ‘oh just a bit of a slope’ etc. I doubt your DH was deliberately trying to sabotage things - he just wasn’t enjoying it. What’s wrong with that? You could have carried on.