To wish we hadn’t bought this house

@wishihadntgottgishouse I'm really sorry you feel so bad about this.
It sounds like your husband has beaten you down in thoughts and actions to think you are the lower value partner in this relationship.
What is really happening is you have given thousands and thousands of pounds worth of free childcare to your children. Usually nearly as much cost as a full time job for multiple children nursery.
THIS has been your contribution PLUS the loss of job "worth" as your career has taken this hit while his obviously has not. You have sacrificed your career for his.
If he cannot see this or has gaslit you into believing it yourself then he is an abusive wanker.
Please don't let him put you down so much this way. The money he brings in is only possible because you do /did the very hard childcare.

As for house prices..... That was covid times and a whole different world. The world and prices for everything were mad. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You bought a house in terrible times.

As for the neighbour.... Really think why are you letting him poison your thoughts. Don't.
Have minimal conversations with him. Some people get on a one track conversation and repeat and repeat but this doesn't mean you have to listen. If someone makes you feel shitty when you talk to them you don't have to listen. Why get insulted / upset every time? You have no "duty" to listen or be nice to them. Be very cordial.... grey rock them.
Terse, polite.... Morning... Gotta dash. Sorry can't stop to chat busy, .... Feign your phone going off and having to take a call. Just don't let them in to your head to peck at you.
And dont let your shitty husband do the same either. I'm glad you've got a job now. Can you consider going full time?

Get back to work pronto

And then start plotting your exit

You contribute. You staying at home enables him to work and focus on his work. If you didn't you'd have far less income to pay for childcare and he'd have less time to focus on work. I get so sick of hearing this about husbands who work and their partner is home to raise the kids, like that in itself isn't work and often the least mentally stimulating work at times!

House wise, perhaps you paid more but that's what happens in this economy, inflated prices and changes mean some people pay more for the same house than someone else did years if not months earlier. Your husband is the problem, and your elderly neighbour. If your neighbour brings it up again just shut it down with a "and what would you like me to do with that information?" He's a fool. So is your husband, can't believe he pulled the he is paying card on something so important as a house purchase, it'll be your home top where you raise your kids.

Sorry if not making sense so this home has had another family living here and they sold 4 years after buying so let’s say they bought the property for £600k (not real amount) they sold it and we bought 4 years later for £792k

Well yes that's how the property market works? Especially 2.5 years ago, as you said it was still the post covid frenzy. Property is an investment, it's a risk, it pays off more for some than others, yes the previous owners got lucky with the timing (though presumably paid more for where they ended up also)I assume you got a mortgage? Your lender wouldn't have lent you what they did if they felt it was overpriced, they would have downvalued it.

It doesn't matter what you paid for the house and how it compares to your neighbours.

The issue is your dh.

Like everyone else says, regret over purchasing the property is a bit pointless as it's in the past. There may be reasons for the change in price and in a way, who cares anyway? Maybe you had more extras on the new build that they don't know about - who knows? You can't go back and buy it cheaper.

Your husband does sound pretty bad though. Would you like to leave? Could you afford to? Presumably it would be a change in lifestyle for you, but personally I would prefer to be my own boss in a two bed little flat, than being bullied by some bloke in a 6 bedroom detached luxury new build.....

Surely you also made big money selling your previous home though?

Next time neighbour says anything reply “ we love this house it’s our home, it’s worth every penny to us”

as for your husband, he’s the biggest worry, his money in deed that needs sorting. It’s 50% your home, and if he wants to keep all his money for himself he can pay a housekeeper/nanny so you can go back to work.

tbh, I never really say this, but get rid of husband, and get you and your children a new neighbour

Assuming you bought the property with a mortgage did the mortgage company value the house in the region of what you paid for it?

I wouldn't worry about what the neighbour thinks, it's nothing to do with him anyway.

You're focusing on the wrong issue. Your husband is the problem here. Can you really not see that?

Neighbour is an arse.
You might have bought in a bit of a bubble. Defo a thing post covid but long term you will be fine.
Get some quotes for the repairs needed. Give them to dh and discuss the importance of maintaining your investment.

Ask your nosy neighbour how on earth he knows how much you paid for your house - seriously, next time he brings the subject up, ask him how he knows.

Won't he just tell her and then she will have to say 'ok'.

If he hasn't looked it up online then perhaps the former owners told him. It's unlikely he found out through rifling through their bins.

I think trying to be just a mad as him is a mistake to be honest. But then I've had experience with terrible neighbours and I don't think you can win because you aren't nuts.

Comparison is the theft of joy (so are rubbish husbands though!)
It's quite common for houses to go up in value over 4 years, if we sold our house now it would be worth about £100-£120k more than when we bought it 5 years ago.

Your neighbour is a dick.

Your husband is an even bigger dick , because he's supposed to be your partner and love you.

The house is probably fine.

Ignore the first , start making plans to leave the seconds and let it go with the third.

Ask your nosy neighbour how on earth he knows how much you paid for your house - seriously, next time he brings the subject up, ask him how he knows.

It’s literally on zoopla, rightmove, mouseprice, land registry and a load of other places so I wouldn’t bother asking him that because it’s pretty obvious how he knows.

1. Reply to neighbour “oh yes, house prices went nuts didn’t they.” Then change subject.
2. It’s not dh’s money, you’re married so it’s family money and he’s being financially abusive. That’s not what marriage is about. Either get couples counselling or leave him but don’t continue like this.

Why the fuck did he buy one himself then? Idiot.
I bought my house in 2022. In 2021-2022, there was an insane bubble in the housing market where prices went through the roof. People were offering tens of thousands above asking for quite mediocre homes. It’s how it was at the time. It was also a time where you could get a mortgage rate of under 2%. Since late 2022, mortgage rates have risen sharply although they are coming down now (but nowhere near what they were in 2021). So that’s why houses aren’t selling. Your moronic neighbour might want to factor that in. Yes he might have got a bargain, big whoop. He’s elderly so wouldn’t have a mortgage. You do have a mortgage so have probably saved money even if you paid a higher price because you’re probably paying at 2% rather than 5%. Also, over time, it will even out. Next time he says anything just say “you clearly don’t know anything about how property works so there’s no point in us discussing is there” and then chuckle and walk off.

1. Stop talking to your neighbour at all.

1. Get a joint bank account for household expenditure.

1. Agree a plan for household maintenance, and how it will be done and paid for, with your DH

Also OP even if you did overpay that’s your husbands mistake as it sounds like he railroaded you anyway

Poisonous neighbour is minor problem.

Bastarding Wankbadger DH is the real problem here. Tell us more about this Prince among men…

Ask your nosy neighbour how on earth he knows how much you paid for your house - seriously, next time he brings the subject up, ask him how he knows.

Then, tell him he'll have to use the money he saved on the house on paying care fees because he'll have too much cash now tomqualify for public assistance. He'll also probably have to sell his home to pay for care fees anyway 😀 Make sure you tell him.

Don't worry about it, its your husbands money, his mistake!

Your husband is your real problem.

To be honest OP it sounds more like the issue is that you need to be able to stand up for yourself - both your neighbour and your DH. I know this is easier said than done but if my DH had those views I’d start plans to leave as it’s so disrespectful.
I put most of the money into our house for various reasons but that has never meant that I got the overall say.
Also if people judge your house they aren’t worth your time.

House prices fluctuate. You literally said yourself that demand was really high when you were buying so they could ask a lot more. I do understand how you feel as a year or two after we bought the two houses opposite (same layout) sold for £40k less ... but we bought at the peak of a property boom about 2 months before the market crashed.

Ignore the neighbour.

Your real problem is the way your husband speaks to you re finances. If you've had separate accounts, how has personal spending money been allocated while you weren't working?

My neighbours paid £5k for their house...... that's what happens, prices increase