To wish we hadn’t bought this house

The new build (standard issue large estate) I sold to buy my current house went up in value in the 5 years we owned it. We paid almost £200k more for our current house (standalone, individual new build) than the previous owners did 4 years prior. Does that makes us mugs? Well, maybe, but we love it here and it represented excellent value compared to the other properties we viewed. My point being, a house is worth what you'll pay for it, and it's not at all unusual for a house, even a new build, to increase significantly in value over 4-5 years. Stop listening to your neighbour, he's obviously just one of those that's who gets great joy over feeling superior for absolutely no reason. Don't give him the air time.

Your DH is your problem here. He sounds like a financially abusive bully. Don't stick around for another 12 years of that bullshit. Find yourself a place of your own that you actually like without him, I'm sure you'd be happier.

That’s personal choice as a couple.there is no law of family money, it’s usually a made up construct by the person who earns less and wants to enjoy their partners earnings.. He can do as he wishes with what he earns, which is legally is, and she can do the same, and if she doesn’t like it leave. As much as folks hate that idea, it is simply factual

people need to stop posting about what other folks should do.

No, it's clear OP is under coercive control and feels she has reduced choice:-

I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute

By 'that money' I mean the money in his paycheck which should be for both of you!

Practice neighbor avoidance strategies -

“goodness, can’t talk now I’m 30 minutes late already….”

earbuds in & “pantomime - I’m on the phone”. Run….

into house … I’ve got a video call in 1 minute got to log on

etc etc

prices fluctuate …. Someone has to be low, someone high.

May I remind you that they will ALWAYS be older than you. Take pleasure in that math.

Maybe you did pay over for the house, maybe you didn't. The houses on our street keep shooting up in value, so there are huge differences in what people paid depending on when they moved it. It's not that those who moved here later got a bad deal, it just reflects rising property prices in our area.

Your neighbour sounds like an arse. Very intrusive and know it all. Avoid him or just smile and nod while you hear white noise in your head and move on.

Your DH sounds like a major problem. You are married. You are a team. He is working to earn money. You are working to run a household and a family - and now also earning. You need to be using that money to pay for all the necessary bills etc and then treating it as family money. I think you need to have some very serious conversations around how money is managed in your household.

xx

I meant compliant!

@wishihadntgottgishouse I'm sure the responses have come as a shock to you, but the truth is, your husband/marriage is the problem here.

It wasn't 'his' money; it's marital money. Especially if you were a sahp at the time of the purchase for the best interests of the family, which includes him.

It sounds like you're in a financially abusive relationship, with a many who doesn't actually make good financial decisions to boot. You might be better off without out, tbh, emotionally and financially in the long run. I'd look into it.

@SabreIsMyFave and @Dotto - yes, I re-read that and I did express it wrongly. I have edited it. It is family money. What I was trying to express is that it must be pretty annoying to spend money on a home and have your partner complaining about it on the basis of what the neighbour is saying about it.

And of course OP can have an opinion on where she lives but she was surely involved in the choice to buy it and is involved in its upkeep.

1. Your neighbour is a moron,.lots of them about. Tell him it's all relative, house prices go up and you bought so what. Then ignore the prick. Blank him at every opportunity
2. Nor sure why your husband can't or won't fix things. Some blokes are just lazy and will sit in their own ruin. Learn to DIY, there is a spray from Screwfix you can use on water marks to get rid, you can learn to paint. It's not hard.
3. If his issue is you don't pay for stuff that a wiser relationship issue.

But why would he go on about this? Some people are just weird.

Property prices fluctuate all the time, especially in places like the UK where the housing market is under such intense pressure. People often pay over the odds.

Your neighbour is a complete twat for rubbing your nose in this. Presumably to inflate his tiny ego because his own life is shit.

If the agent put your house on the market for considerably more than it was worth it would have been obvious to everybody including your husband and your solicitor and your mortgage company. Did you get a survey done? The price would have come up at some point.

Your neighbour is wrong, new builds don't depreciate, the ones near me have gone up by a half in just a few years e.g a £300k just sold for £450k. I wish I'd bought one! I'd avoid him as he clearly enjoys winding you up.

So? It surely isn't a surprise that property prices continue to skyrocket. It may be a surprise to your elderly neighbour but can't be a surprise to you unless you live a completely sheltered life. I bought a property 15 years ago and I am selling it for three times the price that I bought it for because... inflation.
The rest is a husband problem and I don't have any advice for how to solve it except LTB

I see that now. Thanks for highlighting that!

@wishihadntgottgishouse but that’s the property market? House prices go up and down over time … I would be more worried about how your husband views your contribution, that’s a far bigger problem from what you’ve said.

I think this poster was merely pointing out the DH's hypocrisy

Deleted my original post. Misread your post. Sorry!

Yeah you are right.

.

If it's his money then he needs to start spending it ... by doing all tge household purchases ... food, clothes, the lot

This absolutely! Your neighbour sounds horrible too.

Don’t feel embarrassed at paying more than others! With new builds there is often variation in what people pay for the same house, depending on when it’s bought. I live in a row of identical townhouses. I know we paid less than some neighbours, and considerably more than others ! It’s just how it goes.

When you're in a bad situation its really easy to focus on something irritating that doesn't matter, as a way of avoiding taking action.
The neighbour sounds unpleasant but you aren't married to him. It doesn't matter what he says, if it wasn't house prices it would be something else.
Start making plans to leave your husband, and don't tell him. You don't have to actually go through with it.

Ignorant. There is no such thing as 'his' money, in a marriage.

But I see you have edited your post now

@Dery

Perhaps he’s tired of you listening to someone who is dripping poison into your ear about the home you bought with your DH. If you haven’t been working, it was your DH’s money which bought the house. In your DH’s shoes, I might find your attitude to the family home quite annoying/upsetting; there’s actually something a bit childish about it.

Did you post this with a straight face?

The OP is married to this man, he is her husband, and the father of her children.

It's not HIS MONEY.. It's family money, and the OP has a say in how and where it's spent. She has a right to an opinion on where she lives FFS!

.

@wishihadntgottgishouse - why are you giving your neighbour headspace? He’s clearly an unpleasant person so stop listening to him. The housing market is volatile. Houses are worth what buyers will pay for them. You’ve got a home and that’s much better than paying rent monthly.

I’m not sure what’s going on with your DH. Perhaps he’s an arsehole and abusive. Or perhaps he’s tired of hearing that you don’t like your house and you think he paid too much for it. Perhaps he’s tired of you listening to someone who is dripping poison into your ear about the home you bought with your DH. In your DH’s shoes, I might find your attitude to the family home quite annoying/upsetting; there’s actually something a bit childish about it. Perhaps he’s an arsehole but also understandably a bit upset about your attitude to your family home.

And if the house is getting a bit scuffed, then it’s as much your job as your DH’s to look after it, especially if you have some time at home while your DCs are in school.

@wishihadntgottgishouse

Your DH is an arsehole, and so is the neighbour. What a stupid thing to say.

Big deal. A house costs more money, 6 months to 12 months after their neighbour bought the exact same one next door. It happens! I know people in my road who paid £175K for their semi-detached 2 bed bungalow in 2011, and their neighbour 2 doors away bought exactly the same style bungalow/same age/same condition etc, for £225K last year. Like 20% more virtually.

Also have a friend who bought a new build in 2016 for £280K - 4 bed end terrace. Her friend bought one down the road - exact one a year later, end terrace 4-bed - £310K. I don't see or hear of the neighbour who got the 2-bed bungalow cheaper 13 years ago - or my friend who got her 4 bed house cheaper in 2016 crowing about it. That's what happens with houses. What a ludicrous attitude to have.

I really don't know what to tell you though if your DH is in control of everything financial and you have no say. I'm so sorry for you, and this is a good argument for women to stay financially independent and not become SAHMs long-term. Works for some, but can backfire.