Wibu to pull my daughter from certain classes

So you speak to her about this I hope? That she needs to sit down and stay focussed?

Help her at home. Are you on half term this week? Get her to start by writing a sentence for each of this week's spellings as a PP suggested.

Can you model good behaviour? Sit down with her whilst she is doing her work - help her if necessary and don't get up and walk off half way through?

Hi OP, I hope you are getting all the helpful things posters have written here. It's a bit of a mixed bag for sure.
I can tell you are frustrated. But even with a diagnosis for Asd/Adhd and an EHCP your daughter will still need to do the work herself. Some posters here have outlined techniques you could work on at home with her.
In the end your daughter has to learn how to be happy and successful as she is, no diagnosis, no extra support can be a substitute for self reliance and resilience.
Also my advice, and I work in a secondary school, is that brain breaks and lesson breaks or whatever are often suggested by adults who don't work in school. I have never seen them work in secondary school. I have seen some children arrive from primary schools absolutely convinced they are stupid and have serious mental health problems because adults have made them take these weird walks or breaks that "normal" kids don't need.
One of the ways we practice inclusion is to treat all year 7 the same in this matter, and expect them to remain in class. No child ever asks for a break unprompted. Those who struggle with being distracted definitely shouldn't be removed from a lesson to miss actual teaching and learning to have a sanctioned session of distraction!
Don't wait for diagnosis, help your daughter by going over some of the excellent techniques previous posters have outlined. And make sure you are also focused on her development in other areas other non school experiences and interests are so important. Read Percy Jackson with her, Percy has dyslexia and ADHD and kept getting into trouble in school, and he saves the world.

I also wonder, as you say that you weren't at school in the UK, whether you just have different expectations about how school operates.

Everything you've said seems pretty normal for a UK primary school

What’s she like in all other writing lessons? Eg topic work.

Is she easily distracted?
Gets up and wanders off?
Does she follow her plan or go or on a tangent?

I can’t imagine she only has ‘adhd’ traits between 9-10am in English lessons. What are you going to do to mitigate the problem in all of her other lessons?

I asked why the comments were so demotivating and was told that when she's writing stories etc she gets too distracted, gets up to go and do other things, or goes 'off on a tangent' instead of following her story maps, so she finds it hard to sit and write what's required in English as a subject as compared to other subjects.

I get that you were shocked by the discrepancy between what you were told verbally and the comments you saw written in her books I think that might just be the way things are done in English primary schools these days. She must be only 7, yet there’s no celebration of what she is achieving; always next steps! Disconcerting for a parent but it’s probably her normal, so she won’t be upset the way you are. The other children’s books probably look much the same.

And to echo others, good try is a positive comment. The whole strategy at this age is to get them to continually improve

But parents evening is a conversation. For you to raise things and then discuss them. So exactly the right thing happened?

If you live next door to a school and the school is a new one, built for the children who live on the estate, I can see how that is going to make them a close knit and supportive small community.

If a teacher uses a phrase like ‘good try’, I can’t see how that is negative. It’s acknowledging the effort put into the work. Other comments may well be pointers to improve in future writing, given the requirements of the curriculum. If she keeps on making the same mistakes, doesn’t extend her writing and nothing is mentioned, how will she know what and how to improve her work. Making mistakes and learning from them is how we get better at doing things.

Handwriting is something she can practise at any time, not just in a specific lesson.

I think a reasoned conversation with the school about what works to refocus your daughter, whether movement breaks will help, what works at home that they could usefully do there and what interventions would be helpful to her, is your best bet.

You need to work with the school and that’s the message your daughter needs too. Not the impression that you’re fighting them. A diagnosis won’t change anything. What will effect change, is to develop strategies that will help her to focus and progress. If she meets the criteria for additional support in the form of an EHCP or being on the SEN register in school, evidence of need is what’s required and evidence of what makes things better and what doesn’t.

If you don’t want to do that, your alternatives are to find another school and start the process again, or to home educate. It’s important to think about what is best for your child and what will be of most benefit to her.

how does she behave in English? I'm not sure that you've said in your posts - although I'm guessing it's that she's a slow writer and appears unfocussed on getting the work complete?

So a positive thing that you can do is be really proactive in her learning at home.

Most schools have weekly spellings to learn. They won't necessarily spoon feed the parents to say write them out and practice them, but is what they are expecting you to do.

So get her to write out each work in a sentence at home. That way you are also tackling handwriting.

The school day is really crammed and schools don't have time to do everything. Parents evening is to tell you things that you focus on helping her with at home. They've said handwriting so spend time on the handwriting.

If you need help and guidance on what sort of things to do at home, then ask the school how you can best support her at home, and they can suggest activities etc.

You need to take responsibility for her learning and supporting her

Oh she is. I always knew when my parents had complained to the school because of the shift in treatment from the teachers, comments made etc. They were complaining about serious things (mainly racist incidents), but I always knew. As I got older I stopped telling them about school incidents because I didn't want them to complain. Not saying my parents were wrong to complain in those situations, but I knew without them telling me and took the decision to stop communicating on some important social issues with them because of that.

If you want to and can home educate I really wouldn't worry about the social side of things. I pulled my daughter out of school because she has adhd and school did nothing to support. There are so many amazing groups she has a much fuller social life now than she eve did at school. No negative comments from school or teachers that she isn't learning in their exact way and has so much more time to learn in ways that work for her.

Crickey calm the fuck down

Good that she's writing them out at home then. You can check her pen grip. Does she write the words easily and smoothly? Or does she seem to struggle with the basic task of writing out spellings?

Where do you find the time to micromanage every aspect of your daughter's day in school? It all sounds very unhealthy for you and her and a very unproductive and anxiety-inducing way to spend your day.

Maybe consider finding other things to do when she's at school, instead of brooding at home, about perceived injustices.

From what you’ve said, the marking sounds pretty standard for Y3. In lower primary most feedback is given during the lesson anyway.
You’re clearly unhappy with the school and your own experiences are clouding your judgement. I think the marking scenario is just something you are able to actually use as an example.
I doubt the relationship you have with the school will improve unless you back off even if they do change the way they mark your DDs book.
You either need to change your mindset and trust the school or you leave - which you’ve said you won’t do.

Your daughter may well play fight at school. Just because she doesn’t at home or in front of you doesn’t mean she doesn’t at school.

So many parents insist “my child doesn’t do x / y / z” - believe me when I say they often do at school.

You're complaining to the school constantly IS pressure. Children are very perceptive to these things. How do you not see that?

You don't know what she does or doesn't do at school - you are not there. Your daughter doesn't play fight at home. That's as far as you know. Your attitude well and truly sucks OP. Take the feedback before it's too late for your daughter and you have already caused the relationship with the school to breakdown.

does she write the spellings out as part of the homework? Often that is expected - they write them out 3 times to help them learn then. Some schools would expect them handed in

Written feedback is very old hat. Ofsted didn't look at it at all when they were in our school recently. Y3s don't read most of it so it's pointless. Crucially though, I don't mark for other people to make judgements from it; it is for the child and child only. Parents and anyone else reading it are only getting half the story because it's in conjunction with far more verbal feedback. I'm not wasting time writing what has already been said in person - that time is much better spent helping children's education in other ways.