Wibu to pull my daughter from certain classes

The thing is having a good grade in English and Maths makes a difference to prospects. Which she won't get if she's pulled from class.

If the issue is the teacher not the lesson I'd look for a new school. What you went through sounds awful but don't let it cause you to be reactive for your daughters sake

Oh dear.
I'd have a chat with the teacher(s) and explain how the comments are being received. I'm sure they'd be concerned to know they are upsetting one of their students.

As for ADHD testing, this is an absolute minefield at the moment and you're best off finding someone in your area who has been through the local routes. Experience varies so wildly as do the choice of routes themselves.

Please, PLEASE do not start removing your child from lessons. If you feel this passionately about the situation, may I suggest you consider a school move or de-registering to go the Elective Home Education (EHE) route.

Deregistering into EHE does not have to be permanent, you are entitled to re-register whenever you choose. What is permanent however is the criminal record you risk by triggering an attendance issue which may be compounded by any safeguarding concerns raised by the school over your actions. Please believe me when I say it is highly unlikely the court will have any time for your reasons, your passion, your experience or any commentary about your daughter's wellbeing, and you'll leave the hearing with a nasty fine and a criminal conviction. Your daughter will be no better off.

If it helps, we have quite a few families here who de-registered into EHE, concerned their child was not being supported appropriately. Some are waiting for ADHD or similar assessments, others have had theirs and are now waitlisted for a suitable school. There are online schools who operate solely over MS Teams or Zoom if you are concerned about your ability to cover DD's education yourself.

Good luck, OP.

@Vynalbob what 'rules could they be breaking' by standard marking process?!
And what do you think the welfare officer will say to "I don't want my daughter to go to school if teachers mark/correct her work".

Maybe they aren't negative comments but ways to improve as per most school's marking policies.

My opinion

Go through their policies online - see if they are straight up breaking their own rules.

Once done see the in-between parental advisory (not called that but I think all schools have them) or the school welfare officer ("I don't want my DD to miss school but..." due to xyz it's heading that way)...or one of the school governors. Get someone on side. Might also be worth googling charities that deal with autism/ADHD for their advice how to proceed.

Last resort change school but I wouldn't try and just withdraw from one subject as you will lose the moral high ground.

Good luck

PS
It's bad teaching practice for teachers to be so negative so hopefully they'll see the light.

Comments are 'good try', which op says her dd is sensitive about.

Just done a deep dive on the internet about this off of the back of your post. It's an absolute game changer. Thank you!

Agree. Same in this house. Need to recognise your emotional calibration is off-kilter and dial it down 20%. Often means taking time to step back, not react everytime. Letting things go and being conscious of rumination (eg red card incident - a year ago...). Life has got better with this approach.

Op I'd look up rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
We are a family of adhders. We all came to recognise we can read negativity into situations we're in that just isn't there.

A primary school isn't going to be able to have you pull your daughter from one subject. They won't necessarily even do English at set times in the week. It would be very disrupted for your daughter to be picked up for random hours in the day and it would mean you being on hand 24/7 to pick her up. You either pull her out of school, or you work with the school to get better support for her.

I see you've chosen to ignore all comments on feedback. I'm a year 4 teacher and we are told not to put pointless comments like we'll done in books, as the eef recommend we only use feedback to either help.e.g. remember you need punctuation before closing speech or to deepen learning e.g. can you add an adverb of manner into this sentence. I might put post it notes in saying great work on handwriting if they've shown a great improvement but they is purely for them and not as part of the feedback.

Are you honestly saying that abusers do not get their victims labelled so when they speak out they are not believed...that is the history of BPD!! It is the abusers tactic! And as there are no tests for this fabricated illness then everyone meets the criteria for it!

Call a meeting with head, pastoral support and the teacher.
Ask why you haven't been made aware that her work is so bad that she needs such negative comments in her book.
Make sure head reads them.
Ask what support is being put in place to help her reach her potential.
Ask the teacher how she thinks the comments help to motivate your daughter.
Ask what they think the issue is and how you can work together to help her achieve.
That throws the ball neatly back in their court and it's info they should have. Good luck x

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Your child sounds like countless children of her age. Support her and celebrate her successes. You can encourage her to improve her handwriting at home if it’s not particularly good. Get a blank handwriting book with lines in it and get her to write her spelling in it every day.
Take some responsibility for your own child’s education because our state system is broken and can’t give you what you’re expecting. The money is not there to support a child who gets slightly distracted at times and goes off on a tangent when writing a story. What difference would a diagnosis make at this moment in time ? Do you want her to be medicated?

I've recently tried to book an ed psych appointment for a child, they are now taking bookings for 2025/26!

They asked to refer twice/3 times and he was referred through the school but then I was told that he hadn’t come up high enough at school- so why did they keep asking to refer?

Because schools aren't able to diagnose! They refer if a child might have a condition and even then there's nothing that says schools should do so, a parent can equally access a diagnosis pathway. If schools knew every child they referred would result in a diagnosis, you'd just skip the middle man and allow them to diagnose conditions. I don't doubt you've been on a stressful journey with your child but your logic just doesn't follow. Not least because you've criticised schools for knowing there was something up...and indeed there was. Why is Health not facing any of your blame given they are the ones who do or don't diagnose?

OP, you can't just make claims about BPD weeks undiagnosed adhd as if they are fact without providing some sort of valid source. Saying that this is well known by the people who are affected means nothing...we don't know anything about who those people are, how many of them there are, whether they're actually diagnosed with BPD or adhd at all or just self identifying, whether (if they do genuinely have both) there is any evidence whatsoever to support the hypothesis that one was a causal factor for the other etc.

I struggled with undiagnosed adhd for many years, and know many other people in this situation. I have never heard of this and unless you have some reliable sources to back up your claims, it all sounds a bit desperate.

I think it's important to focus on what your dd needs right now, without projecting too far about what may or may not happen in the future. If she needs more support than she is currently getting, can you articulate exactly what that support might look like? There is no point in saying that you want the school to be more supportive if you can't specify exactly what it is that you want them to do. Have a think about what your dd really needs, and then try to have a constructive conversation with the school about how that can be achieved.

They asked to refer twice/3 times and he was referred through the school but then I was told that he hadn’t come up high enough at school- so why did they keep asking to refer? When he didn’t score highly enough at school, he ended up being misdiagnosed for years. He had such an awful time at school and they refused him access to the ed psych. He did eventually get a diagnosis. It was a terrible time and I am so pleased he is out of the school system but as I say my other children have also experienced problems with getting late diagnosis as the school don’t want them to see the ed psych. I was told with one of my dc that there was no point in referring as they had made it this far and probably wouldn’t need medication. As soon as they changed settings, I was told to apply for an EHCP. There is a lot of history and I am not going to go into it further as it’s quite upsetting. Some schools do not have good SEN.

I assumed you were wealthy because you contemplated pulling your daughter from a core subject and are not worried about scuppering her future career plans. So I assumed you were so wealthy that this wouldn't be an issue.

And that you can use that wealth not only to support her for the next eight decades but also to expose her to all of the experiences that not learning about English Literature and English language would deprive her of.

Teachers spend hours of their time marking, providing feedback, including next steps they expect children to work towards. You are exhausting and you are not going to do your daughter any favours by antagonising her teacher / school. State schools need to adhere to the national curriculum - it's mandatory. You are being utterly, utterly ridiculous to expect her to be removed from English - the core subject that is key to accessing the rest of the curriculum. You are refusing to say what the comments were, which makes you lose credibility. Just stop.

So two schools, independently of each other, recorded observations that didn't result in an ADHD diagnosis and your conclusion is the schools were at fault? Despite the fact it was the primary school who twice recognised he needed an assessment (something you could have sought independently through the GP at any time)? Perhaps your child didn't meet the diagnostic threshold at the time of the assessments. Schools just fill in a form of statements on a scale of 1 to 5. It's very hard to fill it in 'wrong'.