Wibu to pull my daughter from certain classes

I see you've cherry picked from my post. Try and read the rest of it.

Your past experiences are your own to live with, or to process and let go. Don't make your DD keep hold of them too. These are not her burdens to carry.

Go and find a professional counsellor to speak to. There are counsellors who specialise in issues around ASD. You'll find a listening ear and a space where you can detangle what happened to you from your DDs life.

Sorry OP I didn't read the whole thread and seems like I'm not the only one who says you're projecting. What were your experiences at school? Did you get negative comments on your work and it demotivated you? At what age?

It sounds like she's doing really well at school and has some good friends.

Is the issue the comments written in her English book? And the lack of support with the ADHD diagnosis?

Overall I think this can all be resolved. I think there's some harsh comments in here but like you said, you do feel sensitive on these topics probably because of your own experiences, which is understandable. I find myself feeling a similar way about my own experiences and having to talk myself down.

Okay so you’re going to remove her from one subject based on comments in a book but you don’t actually know how she’s performing across the board.

Have you observed an English lesson? How do you know those are the only feedback comments she gets?? If she gets up and wanders around, should the teacher not encourage her to finish her work?

what do you actually want for your DD growing up? Do you want her to pass exams and have good career options. Because for that, she will need to do well at school and although she might need adjustments for SEN, she still needs to do her work and pass exams and focus. That’s what her teachers are trying to do too and it might involve picking up on errors in the book (because then parents can see where things are going wrong too, as can TAs).

If you don’t like the school, change it.

Are you projecting OP? Was there an issue for you around English and negative comments when you were at school?

What actually are these demotivating comments?

I teach this age group and we prioritise verbal feedback in the moment with children as they are very unlikely to remember what you've written in their books. Does you daughter feel demotivated about English?

If she's wandering around the classroom that probably is quite disruptive. I usually have one other adult if I'm lucky, often just me and thirty children. They have a wide range of abilities and needs so I am working with a child whose writing is of year one level in a year three class, and a child whose EHCP says they need to work on a laptop and a child who has ADHD and can't write more than a few sentences without me keeping him on track. I'm also trying to push all the other children on as I've got SLT breathing down my neck about data. There is really only so much one or two adults can do with thirty children.

A private ADHD diagnosis might give you some clarity and strategies to help your child but it won't translate into any extra money for support in school. You need to work with your daughter at home on her writing if you are worried about it and also communicate with the school.

Also you repeatedly say the school don't listen to you, I find this is often more about not being agreed with, they can listen and disagree.

Why is it the school who have let her down? You've done nothing to pursue a diagnosis, one gp visit 4 years ago, moved and then gave up.
Regardless of diagnosis she will have to engage with her education, surely the focus is better placed on strategies to support her , she has been referred now (and is still quite young) but that process is likely to take a while.
I agree with PPs that this largely seems to be your own baggage around school.

Well it sounds like you are - you’re blaming your DD’s school for negative comments on her work (despite these being accompanied by positive ones). Then you say that it’s triggering because your school tried to make you finish your English work. Doesn’t seem a lot of responsibility for your actions there.

What were the negative comments then?
Why are there issues only in English and not in Maths or History?

You're projecting OP. Deny it as much as you want, but your feelings are about your experiences and feelings, not your DD's.

You are paying zero attention to what people (many of them teachers) are telling you on here. Do you also refuse to listen to your DD's school and teacher?

Can I gently suggest that you find some counselling so you can speak to someone about your own school experiences and long undiagnosed ADHD? You're obviously scarred by it. Don't transfer these experiences on to your DD.

Have you asked your daughter how she feels about her English lessons/work feedback? Are you projecting your issues onto her or is she genuinely distressed by it?

A diagnosis isn’t some magical answer though. You still need to work WITH the school in order to help her be as best supported as possible.

if you don’t think you can work with this school then leaving here there will be doing her a disservice

it didn’t used to happen either. And she said it followed on from not doing her work. I’m guessing type teacher tells student off for not finishing her work and student screams at teacher that she’s a fucking bitch or gets violent. I was at school in the 90s and behaviour had to be extremely serious for an expulsion.

How does your child feel about English? I give loads of feedback that isn't written down. If you're only looking at written marking you're only seeing half the story.

Around me an ADHD initial assessment is 18 months after referral. I'm surprised the school could submit anything without your involvement. We need parental views and consent here.

What is your plan post-diagnosis if she gets one? Children with ADHD are still expected to do their work and to do it in the way the teacher has asked. There should be reasonable adjustments but high expectations for all. Y3 does involve a lot more stamina for writing than KS1. It's not unusual for children without SEND to struggle with transition to Y3.

Jeez. So you don’t have an ADHD diagnosis yourself (it seems self-diagnosed which literally means nothing). You actually got expelled from school which must have involved some very serious behaviour (I can’t remember a single girl getting expelled in my entire time at school and just a few boys who got expelled for serious violence), regardless of whether it followed on from not doing your English work. It doesn’t sound like you take any responsibility for it - it was all the schools fault apparently and they shouldn’t have made you do your work.

Now your daughter who again doesn’t yet have an ADHD diagnosis has received praise about her reading but also some comments in her book about not finishing the work which you have interpreted as “demotivating”. So the teacher is not allowed to be critical of your DD ever, even though this usually leads to pupils improving their work. You can’t seem to come up with any examples of the demotivating comments. Apparently they only happen in English and none of the other many subjects she will study.

And most outrageous of all, you propose marching in to the classroom and removing your DD, in front of all her friends, from a core subject. Do you have any idea how humiliating that would be for her socially? As well as teaching her the lesson that nobody can ever criticise her. I am actually astonished- I think you win the prize for most unreasonable parent I’ve come across in a long time.

Maybe get a private ADHD assessment and then see about supporting her properly, not kicking off at the school. And maybe also look into the purpose of schools - they are there to teach. Sometimes that will mean correcting behaviour and work.

Hi @PepaWepa, what were the negative comments? I'm a teacher, and am interested to see if constructive feedback is being perceived as negative.
Also, I'm really shocked you were expelled at age 14 for simply not finishing your work. That seems really, really excessive. I can assure you, this would not happen nowadays!

It sounds like you have no trust in the school. You need to move her. You say you don’t want to home school her because of the social aspect but that isn’t really a valid reason when so many people home school and are very active socially. They will not allow you to take her out for English lessons only. Plus it’s not really fair on your daughter - it will probably put her in an awkward position with her friends asking about it and classmates wondering why she is never there.

Will you home teach her the English at least? I can’t see how her missing English will help her at all. It sounds like they’ve done a good job over the years if she is excelling? Does she actually have a problem with her English lesson or is it just you that does?

Just from the educational aspects?

I used to be an English teacher. Secondary not primary. If you pull her from these lessons you will damage her education.

You. Not comments in a book.

If you aren’t happy then change school. She can make new friends.