To think my mother is awful for walking out on me in the hospital

Your mum is unhinged.

Why are you wasting time on here OP?

You’re stressed, you’re venting but it’s not going to make a blind bit of difference.

You can’t have it both ways. You cant ask for help from a controlling mother and then complain that she’s controlling.

So don’t ask her. You’re going to have to reach out to friends or organisations to help you out.

Your DS (9) is being looked after by his father. He will understand you need to be at the hospital and FaceTime is fine in the meantime. So at least that’s one worry taken care of.

No one can fix your problem on here though. It’s just a waste of your already very stretched time.

You’re not being unreasonable here. She tried to make this horrible situation about her. So unnecessary at a time like that and the last thing you need. Just really sorry, it sounds like you’re going through a v stressful time.

My daughter has autism and lots of sensory issues too. I don't think people who haven't experienced it would understand. For her some textures are intolerable and even as a young adult who can understand why, it would be enormously difficult for her to have to maintain contact with them if it was medically necessary.

It's not about being difficult or behaving "properly" as some people assume. For her it feels physically painful, in the same manner as plunging our hand into very hot water or holding onto something giving us an electric shock.

You are obviously a loving mum and doing everything you can to look after everyone. Don't neglect yourself in the equation, you have to be able to carry on caring. Once your daughter is well enough to be discharged, it might be possible for the hospital to arrange putting you in touch or organising a bit of extra help at home for a few days, just so you can recover. There are different schemes or charities that support people leaving hospital.

Be kind to yourself, you are doing amazingly well. 😍

I work for our hospital charity and we give support to carers. On the kids wards we supply food vouchers as well to parents will even go and get you something or sit with your child. Ask at the desk if they have a similar service.

I understand where you’re coming from. My parents especially my mum tried the power play and over stepping boundaries with me when my children were little, I nipped it straight in the bud. I never ever relied on them after that. My kids are older now so I have no need to rely on them anyway but they’ve taken no interest in them anyway.

Cheese is a pretty stupid thing to feed a toddler with pneumonia and low oxygen sats.

That isn't a little of support!

Little bit of support is seeing your parents or mother once every few months! Not her having your dd once a month & helping you whilst she's in hospital. Good grief.

Long as the mask went on straight away after there's not really an issue with her having a piece of cheese, the child still needs to eat regardless. Maybe you will actually see what little support really is now.

I think that it's best not to keep trying to judge the importance of if it was reasonable for the oxygen mask to be removed or not while her daughter ate the cheese. It was probably given with the intention of "being nice" to a sick child. However the OP had just had a battle to get her daughter to tolerate It and explained why she was asking her mum not to remove it. Her mum then decided to ignore her.

There's lots of procedures and things that have to happen in hospital, to keep person healthy. Some of them are uncomfortable, scary or downright painful. Toddlers can be difficult to get to do what you would like them to do at the best of times and are too young to understand the implications. Having finally got her to keep the mask on, it's understandable not to want someone else to immediately give them a reason to remove it again, especially when it's likely to trigger another struggle to get it back on again.

As parents we make a million decisions regarding our kids. In the vast majority of cases, they are done with the child's welfare and development in mind. Do mum's get things wrong? Yes. We are human, get tired, have conflicting needs of others to balance etc.We still show up every day and keep on trying to do our best.

It's not helpful to try to rake over the exact circumstances and nuances of the OPs decision. It was hers to make and most people surely can at least acknowledge that it's reasonable to consider that complying with the doctor's treatment is important.They don't give oxygen to people who don't need it.

Imagine if we were all were judged on each decision we make and the background we made it under, by a group of strangers who weren't there.

Time to support the OP during this worrying time. Give her good advice for trying to resolve the conflict at a later time like @Anisty

Sorry you’re going through this OP. Do you have any friends who may be able to bring you some food and/or sit with your daughter for a little bit so you could check on your sons? I know myself the reluctance to ask for help but if it was the other way round, I bet you’d help a friend in need like this no questions asked ♥️

If you want someone's help you have to suck it up. Or you ask them to go and get on with it yourself. You decided the cheese incident was more important than the two hours help you were getting. Fair enough. Your mum has left. Everyone is a winner. You are no longer annoyed and I'm sure your mum has better things to do than be moaned at by you when she is doing you a favour.

And the grandmother REMOVED it for a moment to give the child a PIECE of CHEESE. This was ANNOYING but not DANGEROUS. During the SEVERAL DAYS that the child had been on the WARD, the mask will have been put ON and OFF LOTS OF TIMES.

Why are we shouting?

And you clearly didn't read the full thread as you would have noticed my quote was BEFORE the drip feed of autism...

It WAS removed. OP PUT IT ON. We all know they come off to eat etc. OP put it BACK on.

My post was made prior to the drip feed about the son being autistic. Was a valid point for me to make if he was a functioning 19 Yr old.

This might be the most ridiculous post on the whole thread. How do you think the DD eats?

I can't believe people are trying to say that this was a normal interaction, some posters on this site either have really low emotional intelligence or are just on the wind-up or both.

Of course it's not 'just about the cheese' it's everything that way of behaving represents. I am lucky to have a kind mum and I cannot imagine her behaving like that after offering to support me at such a fraught time. People suggesting OP should feel indebted to her mum as she's already doing a 2 hrs/day, it's her mum! Her mum shouldn't be doing that in exchange for having some kind of leverage over her.

OP I hope your daughter is feeling better soon.

They are moved for eating. People who use oxygen masks usually also eat. It is not a life support machine.

Come on. You can’t think what her mum did is acceptable? Removing the oxygen mask off a child who desperately needs oxygen?! She’s better off without her mum there if she does that!

It certainly was the mother's decision to make.

But for those saying the grandmother is dangerous, I think they are misunderstanding that removing the mask for a moment is like switching off life support. It just isn't, they are removed all the time for eating, talking etc.

How does your DD manage to eat if you won’t let anyone lift her oxygen mask up? Surely she needs food to build up her strength?

Her DM takes no notice of her other GC so once a month with one kid isn't that helpful and clearly the price for that 'support' is too high