To think my mother is awful for walking out on me in the hospital

Tell me you have never experienced how fucking hard it is to get a distressed child to keep a face mask on without telling me.

Seriously? You think grandparents having a child overnight once a month isn't good enough? A lot of parents would be ecstatic to have that level of support. And the thread has moved on since my comment. Eldest son is autistic so changes things.

These are extenuating circumstances. Ex can keep the 9 year old while you are dealing with this. Your 19 year old can come and sit with DD while you get a nap, shower and eat. Your mum is ridiculous and what a nasty thing to do, screw her, she is trying to make a point.

She hasn't walked out on you, she has walked out on her grandchildren.

Sounds like my mum, could your son come and visit with your 9 year old at the hospital or his dad bring him. I wouldn't not speak to your mum so you could go home. She is having a power trip

Emergency foster care exists for the exact situation that you’re describing, what do you think people with no support do if they go into hospital?

Are you seriously suggesting the OP would be better off in foster care than with their grandmother? I mean if you would happily put your children in foster care then I suppose it is okay for you to suggest it. Otherwise not.

This is the sort of thing my father would do - I'm also a single parent. I really do empathise with you. She shouldn't have left and should understand how stressed you must be. Perhaps she didn't like your tone but you don't just leave. I imagine this isn't the first time you've been let down by her.

It sounds like your mum is actually the only person doing anything to support you with your daughter.
Not perfectly and it sounds like you can wind each other up to a fine art.
I think be more appreciative of what she does do for you and she might stop acting the twat to some extent.
Where's your daughter's dad, who should be your primary support with her??!!

Gosh, I can't believe I'm reading this. OP wants to see her sons because she is their MUM! OP has every right to expect support from her mum. You seem hard and insensitive.
And once a month overnight stay isn't alot IMO
OP, take care and I hope your daughter is better

I wouldn’t be apologising. I’d be strapping in
for a solo ride. What kind of grandmother tries to stop a child having her oxygen mask on in favour of a piece of cheese. This was just an effort to undermine you and control the situation regardless of your DDs health needs. She sounds unhinged. I would back right off.

Sorry for what you're going through OP.
She could have overlooked your reaction for the sake of her DGD.

Hope she recovers soon and you can all be home.

Might be worth being friendly with a good neighbour or school mum where you share favours. That's for the future of course. Someone to check in or for the kids to know to call if there's an emergency.

If 2 grown women can't get a mask on a two year old, it's a poor do!

Can't you have a shower at the hospital? When my 3 year-old was in hospital for a week and I stayed with him they allowed me to. Although I did have my husband bring me a change of clothes. You could always wash your undies in the sink and go commando while they dry.
Sorry your little one has pneumonia it is scary. That's what mine had.
I know you said you live a fair ways away but are you able to pop out and find a clothing store/charity shop to grab a shirt and pants/skirt so you have a change?
I hope you and your mom have made up now.

Anyone who “withdraws love” or goes “no contact”
in a case like this, is the “in the wrong”

There is no reason. These people can’t resolve this amicably. If one person refuses, the are the loser who can’t wrangle their brain into reason.

If the child couldn't go a few seconds without an oxygen mask on, she wouldn't be on an oxygen mask.
Her SATS dropped to 83 which is low but not blue on the floor, and given the coughing fit, perfectly expected. The mask is to help bring them up, not to keep her alive per se.

The cheese was a silly idea as she'd just had a coughing fit, and because she should have asked op, but she didn't nearly kill her fod goodness sake

Practically speaking, I don't understand why you've had no food or sleep for days and you've not changed clothes?
I don't know a single hospital ward let alone a children's one that won't find you something to eat if you ask, or indeed who wouldn't offer.

Up until today your Mom has been staying at the hospital so you can pop home, why haven't you thrown some clothes and food in a bag or grabbed some sandwiches on the way back through the hospital?
Sleep is hard, I get that, but is it just hard to sleep and you're trying or you're sitting up purposely?
Making yourself ill won't help anyone. You don't need to be a martyr.

Ask them if someone can watch her whilst you grab a shower and grab some food

i have empathy for the toddler
being alone with someone as ghastly as this

@bestbehaveyou of course my name is apt 😂
Nothing scary about me…..it is almost Halloween after all. Mind you, if standing up to arseholery and having empathy for the OP makes me scary, so be it 😉

you sound a bit… scary

apt name though

@bestbehaveyou sod off

I wouldn’t bring anything for a sick child, I wouldn’t want to compromise treatment. Only bring food if asked.

Emergency foster care exists for the exact situation that you’re describing, what do you think people with no support do if they go into hospital? I get what you’re saying but is the answer really to just tolerate this clearly conditional support? Her mum isn’t even super supportive, she’s been helpful in a practical way with ONE of her kids.

I had similar with my own mum and did cut her off, turned away from the free childcare that came with narcissistic abuse. Was it easy? No. Did I do the right thing? 100%

If OP was saying this about a partner this thread would be flooded with LTB, not one person would say “well he’s all you’ve got so suck it up”

I spent years being a single parent and would rather have struggled than have someone think they have me over a barrel. That’s such a messed up dynamic to accept.

Added to which, i could never relax knowing my child was alone with someone who made my childhood awful and continues to be awful

yes if you wish to continue contact that is fine

but you do not need to leave your toddler with her in her sole care

in answer to your question, yes 100% I’d be there for any mum that was struggling in this way. A lot of decent humans would. It’s entirely possible to create a network of other mums that can support you without being toxic about it.

It is incredibly easy to say that you would be there for any mum, and that it is straightforward to create a network of mums to support the OP. But it counts for nothing at all. Because if the OP falls sick next week, you will not be looking after her children, and not will anyone on this thread. The truth is, her mother and grandmother will be doing it. In real life, that is what happens.