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AIBU?

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Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

210 replies

curtainp0le · 25/10/2024 22:23

I am going on holiday for 3 nights with 2 friends to a popular city in Spain in a couple of weeks. One friend, let's call her Susan, is keen to go to a bar or a club one evening. We are mid/late 20s but none of us are major clubbers or party people. I don't drink at all. The other friend, Elaine, is reluctant to go to a bar. She is scared to 'be out too late in a place I don't know. Scary stories in the news have made me extra cautious'.
I said that we will stick together, but even at that she is worried about walking back late to our hotel as we are 'still a group of girls'. I said there will be night buses and trams. I also pointed out that in Spain they eat dinner late and it will get dark about 7pm, so by necessity we will probably have to be out after dark if we want to have anything to eat. At this, Elaine said we will need to get a phone number for a taxi.

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about this attitude? I totally understand, in light of recent events, why she is concerned. I don't want to cause drama. But I also feel we need to be realistic that statistically anything like that is extremely unlikely. I don't want to feel restricted on the basis of Elaine's fears. I don't want to sit in the hotel from 7pm onwards. It's my holiday too! And Susan genuinely wants to go to a bar. How would you manage this?

OP posts:
drspouse · 25/10/2024 22:44

7 is very early to go out in Spain!

thinkfast · 25/10/2024 22:43

nauticant · 25/10/2024 22:35

You do social stuff during the day, then, back at the hotel, at 7pm you tap your watch and tell Elaine it's time for her to go upstairs to her room and to get her head down for sleepy-time because you and Susan are going to head out.

Edited

Well that won't work. Nothing will be open at 7pm in Spain except for a couple of tourist places. Most Spanish restaurants open for dinner at 8pm and 9 pm is a good time to start dinner. Followed by a nightclub or bar til the early hours.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/10/2024 22:41

Oh yes, many many years ago I went 9n holiday with two friends. We were about 24. On friend was very religious and said no clubbing, no revealing clothes off the beach, etc. Once we were there she became a little promiscuous shall we say. She had a lovely time with Georgios, Christos and Iannis. She was very smiley all the time and grizzled on the plane all the way home.

HoppyFish · 25/10/2024 22:41

What recent events? Have I missed something important?

MojoMoon · 25/10/2024 22:40

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This is an excellent point.
Why are you only considering going out to a bar on one night?
You are on a city break in Spain. Trying out local bars and having tapas is a key part of being there. You don't need to get drunk - you'll see few Spanish people drunk - but don't you want to maybe see how the Spanish live? Maybe even chat to them? Experience the city life?

Go out for dinner somewhere new followed by a drink (alcoholic or non alcoholic) in a new bar every night. You can still be in bed by 11pm.

Otherwise you might as well stay at home.

ThinWomansBrain · 25/10/2024 22:40

if you go away with her again, try Iceland in the Summer.

wateringcanface · 25/10/2024 22:39

Sounds miserable, just go out and leave her.

RobinHood19 · 25/10/2024 22:39

“In light of recent events” - what events!?

The solution here is Elaine stays in. You and Susan go out if you want, until whatever time you both deem appropriate.

OhMyGollyGoshGosh · 25/10/2024 22:38

She wouldn't be my choice of holiday companion.

What 'recent events'?

Pureasthedrivensnowww · 25/10/2024 22:37

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MermaidMummy06 · 25/10/2024 22:37

I'd ask 'how can we make you comfortable to go out at night? Because X & I will definitely be going and want you to come with us. We won't be staying in after dark.'

Then it's in her court. You come to an arrangement that suits you all, or she stays at the hotel & you go out, having tried to accommodate her. I'm betting it's anxiety, and often this vanishes once there & once out having fun.

MojoMoon · 25/10/2024 22:37

What recent events?!

Is she having any treatment for her anxiety which is unreasonable and not in proportion to the actual risk?

WimpoleHat · 25/10/2024 22:37

Say “okay Elaine. Do you want us to come
with you while you get some food to
eat in the hotel? Then Susan and I are going to go out for dinner and a couple of drinks.” Let her suit herself, but she can’t restrict/dictate to you.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/10/2024 22:37

To be fair, how much would a taxi cost and is it unreasonable. Is it really unreasonable? Susan does sound a bit of a wet lettuce, but if a cab split between three is reasonable, I'd make her go, try to enjoy herself and get a taxi.

soupfiend · 25/10/2024 22:36

Where in Spain though because if you're right in the centre of Madrid or Barcelona or cities like that you wont get cabs going right in the centre anyway due to the restrictions, you would get the metro or bus back. It would be expensive to keep getting cabs back anyway and rather pointless in my view.

nauticant · 25/10/2024 22:35

You do social stuff during the day, then, back at the hotel, at 7pm you tap your watch and tell Elaine it's time for her to go upstairs to her room and to get her head down for sleepy-time because you and Susan are going to head out.

Smittenkitchen · 25/10/2024 22:35

Spain is generally very safe. And it's true that at this time of year it will be more or less dark by dinner time. She might change her mind when she gets there.

BathsAreBliss · 25/10/2024 22:34

Uber, bolt and Cabify operate in Spain for a taxi if you do really need one.

AutumnLeaves24 · 25/10/2024 22:34

Lentilweaver · 25/10/2024 22:33

There will be toddlers toddling by while your friend is tucked up in bed!

😂😂😂

AutumnLeaves24 · 25/10/2024 22:33

Tell her to stay home then, she's going to ruin your break.

3 mid 20's. What does she think is going to happen??

Caffeineismydrug35 · 25/10/2024 22:33

Two of you want to go out and one is too scared; let her stay at the hotel while the other two of you go out. What a waste of a holiday.

WiserOlderElf · 25/10/2024 22:33

What recent events?
Not going out after 7pm in Spain (or anywhere really!) is absolutely bonkers and I wouldn’t be indulging it. She can stay in on her own.

Doggymummar · 25/10/2024 22:33

You don't have to stick together leave her in the room. She can get a delivery

Lentilweaver · 25/10/2024 22:33

There will be toddlers toddling by while your friend is tucked up in bed!

smallchange · 25/10/2024 22:33

We're just back from Barcelona and the streets weren't getting really busy with people going to eat until past 9.

It all felt very safe with clean, well lit streets, plenty of people about and no sign of any trouble. Even the occasional group of beery lads on holiday were good natured. I've heard similar about other Spanish cities.

Don't sit in, but maybe a cab back would be a compromise.

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