Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

Imagine being so scared of the unlikely event of being harmed that you forget to actually live a life. How depressing

You're not being unreasonable but I can kind of see herbpoint if she's anxious and scared herself with stories.

My aunty went to Spain, was in a bar and met a man, he walked her to her hotel as she was a single woman on her own. They went to his place on the way for some boring innocuous reason. While there he invited her to wait inside when she got a phone call from her daughter. Daughter having a minor emergency so aunty says thanks but I need to get to hotel and leaves him at his place. Gets to hotel, video calls daughter, sorts out the situation. Goes home the next day.

A couple days later this man is on the news after he was found luring single women to his house to rape and murder them. My aunty never went out in the evening on her own again as far as I know.

if you stay togeter its fine if she refuses she'll have to stay in the hotel

you'll be lucky if its still light at 7 the clocks go back soon

Go out and leave her alone if necessary. Just be very, very, very aware of pickpockets, so leave any cards or cash not absolutely needed in the hotel safe.

When I lived in Spain I’d sometimes go to sleep to the sound of primary age kids playing football in the square while their parents sat in one of the bars. And that would have been at 11pm. On a weekday. It sounds like Elaine needs to just witness what life is like in other places. Maybe if the hotel room has a balcony or window facing a busy street, she’ll realise she’s being silly and just go out with you and your other friend?

Where? We stay in Madrid several times a year and there are restrictions for traffic right in the centre so cab drivers charge more or dont like to go, dropping you at the corner etc

Our family isnt always able to drop us right to our apartments depending on where we're staying.

Does she go out after dark at home?

Also the FB groups #solo women travellers.

What recent events?

You and Susan make clear that you will be going out to bars and restaurants in the evening. Elaine is welcome to join you, or she can stay behind at the hotel if she prefers .Just no dithering or attempting to dictate the holiday to the two of you.

I suspect Elaine might change her tune when it becomes clear that she will be left behind otherwise.

Can I ask how you three all became friends? Elaine sounds very different from you and Susan. Has she always been like this? Did you know of her preference for not going to before you booked the holiday?
Seems a bit bizarre to book a holiday without knowing this?

But I'd leave her to it and just go out.

The most dangerous place for women to live their everyday lives is at home with their partner.

Recent events as in for example Ashling Murphy, Sarah Everard; women not being safe to live their everyday lives.

I would suggest counselling for your fears. And going to the gym for some kind of self-defence.

Why is she even bothering to go?

Some people aren’t right to go on holiday with.

I have some friends who are lovely - I enjoy their company/drinks/meals out.

I would never go on holiday with them as they are very narrow in the things they like to do on holiday and are scared of things that are unfamiliar.

I'd go out with Susan, but I wouldn't ridicule Elaine for her fears. I'd encourage her to come along but make it clear that it's her choice. It doesn't sound like she's an experienced traveller or knows the area you're visiting well so if she's suggesting things that don't make sense then I wouldn't compromise based on that. Its it's just different levels of caution, I might compromise (agree to take a cab home instead of the bus late at night, for example, or go to a restaurant you're all interested in for lunch instead of dinner so she can come along). If you're a more experienced traveller sometimes it's a fine line between helping someone throw off unreasonable fears and pushing them into something they really don't want. Go with your instincts and your knowledge of her as a friend.

If she does decide to stay in, I wouldn't worry - she's been out and about all day so it's not like she's not getting something out of the holiday. I am curious, though, what you mean about "recent events" - is there something specific that has scared her?

Has she always been like this? Does she never go out for dinner in the uk?

What does she think is going to happen? Are you going somewhere particularly dangerous? She sounds like a bit of a wet lettuce. Tell her you are going whether she wants to or not. You don't go to a Spanish city to sit in your room.

You know they have Ubers in Spain, right? A number of a local taxi - has she been living under a rock?!

Her preferences don't trump the other two people's. See her safely back to the hotel then go out yourselves.

I travel alone - it's fabulous! - and have a friend solo in Mexico at the moment--

Just get an Uber or a taxi for the one who wants to get home earlier. And both of you want to stay out. Sorted.

Honestly, some people are shit scared of travelling. Leave them at home

I'm sure it's no more dangerous than going out in any city in the UK! I would tell her that you will he going out in the evenings as you feel it's perfectly safe and that if she doesn't want to come, that's fine and she can stay in the hotel.

Just back from Madrid and no issues getting taxis/uber anywhere just like in any other city.