Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

It's not possible to go to somewhere like Spain and not go out late (which at this time of year will be dark) unless you agree to go to an all-inclusive resort and never leave the site. I'm assuming this isn't an all-inclusive and you've just booked a hotel that happens to have a restaurant, i.e. you could eat there if so inclined but don't have to? The sort of person who wants to do all-inclusive and sort of person who doesn't really shouldn't be on the same holiday together...

I get the fear. The fear is real. I'm more aware of risk now than when I was younger. I will go out when it's dark, but I don't really drink anymore and I always wear shoes I can run in if chased. I wouldn't want to go out in a foreign country if the two women I was with were planning to get shitfaced, but it doesn't sound like that applies here (you even said you don't drink).

The compromise is that you and Susan go out, Susan is sensible with her drinking and as you say, you don't drink anyway. That way, Elaine knows you're not putting yourselves into a vulnerable situation - you're going out in a pair and you're both fully alert and aware of your surroundings. She stays in with room service and doesn't worry about the two of you as much as she might because she knows you're making sensible choices. You send her a text when you're both safely back at the hotel and not dead.

But the above is only a valid plan if you, Susan and Elaine are all close friends and not just three random women who have ended up on holiday together. I'd modify my behaviours slightly, I'd send 'Not dead yet x' messages as needed, but I wouldn't spend my holiday in my hotel every single night. That would be pushing what I'm prepared to do for someone else's anxiety.

Sarah Everard and Ashling Murphy were both attacked when out on their own in a quiet area with no other people around.

What on earth does Elaine think is going to happen to you, in a group of three, in a lively Spanish city centre where the streets will be busy until dawn? There will be toddlers out later than Elaine.

I totally understand, in light of recent events, why she is concerned.

I don’t. I really don’t.

Spanish cities are just.. cities. Where millions of people, ordinary people, go about their daily business with no bother. Just like in London.

I am so done with pandering to this sort of shit. I would just say ‘fine, if you feel happier, you must of course stay in the hotel but I am in Spain and will be enjoying it “ And go.

Does she think women were safe before Sarah Everad?? Bizarre. Make it clear she'll be left at the hotel. What does the other friend think?

I honestly thought you were going to say you were in your 70s. You’re in your 20s. Go out. Nothing bad will happen. Goodness me life is for living. I’m in my 40s with young children, what wouldn’t give to have a night out in Barcelona (I’m guessing) with girlfriends. You have all the time in the world to stay in a be safe, but whilst you’re young, grab it with both hands. You’ll just have to leave her on her own. Just say ‘we’re on holiday, of course we are staying out after it gets dark.’

Elaine sounds fun (not)

Drop Elaine back at the hotel, then go out with Sue, seems like a reasonable compromise. The middle ground is also where you are at, food and a bar maybe, rather than clubbing till dawn.

I would have a chat about your plans for the break before you get on the plane
Elaine has her fears, but she shouldn't be calling the shots about what you or Susan can do
Go out with Susan and have fun

Does she think all Spanish women stay in after dark?

I don’t understand how you can maintain a friendship with someone so feeble. Do you normally only socialise May to September?

Don't ever ask Elaine to go on holiday again is my advice.

Just saw this explanation. Those events are exceedingly rare. Compare their number to the amount of trips made every day by all women. Sarah Everard also took a big risk, walking alone through London almost three miles in the dark during a lockdown. I can't imagine doing that. As long as you exercise caution, you'll be all right.

Apparently The first public demonstration of a one-way videophone was in 1927, and the first two-way videophone demonstration was in 1930. However, the first commercial video conferencing service didn't launch until 1970 in Pittsburgh which is mind blowing really. But yeah like I said before I'm likely remembering wrong and just used to saying videocall.

Another one who doesn't know what the recent events are, but would like to.

No reason Susan can't stay in the hotel.

She video called her daughter 30 years ago? 🤔

I'm probably remembering wrong, maybe it was a phone call? I just remembered that something to do with her daughter happened or she would have been killed. It was a huge deal for the family and I only know about it due to listening in and someone mentioned it again when they all went on holiday.

i remember talking about video calling in about 1996 so it did exist back then

thats a very specific memory for 30 years ago @Mummyoflittledragon!

Does she not work? How does she get home in winter in the UK?

It will be the same if you were in your hotel bar surely? Just order an Uber when you want to leave and she won’t have to venture outside anywhere.

This is so sad, she’s only young, imagine living the next 60yrs like this.

I'd suggest to her that she may want to pull out of the holiday as it doesn't sound like it's for her.

i remember talking about video calling in about 1996 so it did exist back then. But very very few had that technology. Many people and companies were using dial up modems.

When is a person's 'prime', out of interest?

Make her very aware before u get on the plane with her you and the other friend will be going out of a evening and to expect to sit in the hotel room on her own. I bet she won't like it and will paint you to be bad friends "they left me out blablabla" but at least you can say you warned her.

Elaine said we will need to get a phone number for a taxi.

Er, no. Elaine will need to get the number for a taxi. And Elaine can be the one to arrange and pay for it while you two enjoy yourselves.

And honestly, in the future just exclude her from any travel plans. It doesn’t sound like traveling is really for her anyway.

I got a mobile phone with my student loan in 1997 (why? Who knows) and I didn’t know anyone else with one for a good few years. They certainly didn’t have video calling. And they didn’t work abroad. So the idea of this aunt receiving a call in the nick of time at a mysterious serial killers house and leaving to make a video call is frankly laughable.

@OwnBrandCornflake

What “recent events”?