Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

Phew! I thought I might have to shuffle away and never come back 😅

Personally I have every sympathy for people suffering from anxiety disorders, the issue arises when they try and control other people’s behaviour with it. Fine to not want to go out, absolutely not fine for her to suggest the others shouldn’t go out.

I agree @WiserOlderElf

Personally I have every sympathy for people suffering from anxiety disorders, the issue arises when they try and control other people’s behaviour with it. Fine to not want to go out, absolutely not fine for her to suggest the others shouldn’t go out.

Very mixed feelings about this thread. On one hand, no of course it's not reasonable for this one person's fears to keep the others from doing what they want on holiday. And I personally can't relate to the levels of caution and fear OP's friend is displaying, and yes on the surface of things it would seem she's letting her fears rule her and potentially derail the holiday, which of course is not fair on the others.

But on the other hand... bloody hell, some of the Mean Girls-style sneering/laughing and lack of empathy/sympathy about anxiety on this thread is disgusting. Must be nice for certain pps to be so perfect that they can sit and laugh/sneer about other people's struggles. 😒

hehe your reply made me chuckle. Good ole mumsnet cardinal sins, like quoting the whole OP in the first page ;-) You are forgiven ;-)

You're not all going to get blind drunk, go off with random men or walk home alone! As long as you're all sensible and always make sure you're together when out, then what does she think is going to happen?! Take the same precautions as you would, here in the UK (or wherever you live). I'm sorry but I couldn't be doing with someone else's paranoia. Don't indulge her behaviour either. She comes out with you both, after dark or she stays in the hotel on her own in the evenings.

Unless the hotel offers a dinner option what is she going to do about an evening meal? Eat a sandwich in the room?

gosh this is hard. she needs to look at some statistics.... I think she might be more likely to die from carbon monoxide poisoning (I'm guessing) in the hotel. obviously don't chose that one. maybe that she's more likely to get run over by a bus whilst sightseeing? Honestly you need to leave her with her own worries and not let them affect you. I'm not sure why she's even coming if she is so anxious?

And most women, I believe it is nearly 97% of the cases, already know the person who killed them. usually a lover, ex, male family member.

so 3% of murders are done by strangers.

She's pretty safe.

😂

Go to the bar with Susan and leave Elaine at the hotel.

The women you mentioned were alone. You all sound sensible and as long as you stick together nobody is going to murder you.

Does she also avoid crossing roads, getting into cars etc etc? She needs to get counselling for her fears. I’d make it clear that she will be alone in the hotel room after dark if she refuses to go out.

I agree! When she gets there, she might change her mind when she understands the vibe. She’s just trying to prepare herself. I think it’s good to be understanding but, if she doesn’t change her mind, you still need to have your holiday.

I think you need to take her with you the first night you go out. She’ll soon see that there are loads of people out and about past 10pm, even lots of families with kids, eating and drinking at bars and restaurants. Am currently in Madrid for work, eating late with colleagues and walking back (alone) to my airbnb quite late. Totally safe, lots of people around, city well lit, no aggressive drunks like in the UK.

There is crime against women and all other types of people in Spain, just like any place in the modern world , including where your friend lives. However, the risk is small and you’ll all be together anyway.

She's being wildly unreasonable. I've spent time in Barcelona and Palma (among other cities not in Spain, including London and Paris) by myself until late at night and never thought twice about it.

Agree with PPs, if she wants to sit in the hotel from sunset every night then let her, but do not let it restrict you and your other friend! Incidentally one of the most fun nights out I've ever had (with a friend) was in Barcelona!

So which ultra safe place does your friend live, OP? Also what’s she planning to do when the clocks go back? Stay indoors?

Sorry I wouldn’t be indulging this at all. She can sit in hotel by herself.

Your friend is being incredibly unreasonable. Spains restaurants don't really get going till well after 9pm, with families and kids eating at this time. It is a very safe country.

@Nothatgingerpirate

No, I wouldn't bother to go on holiday anymore.
Retired.

But the joy of retirement is that you can go on holiday when you want to without fitting in with other people's annual leave allowance.

Get a bit of winter sunshine when flights and accommodation are cheap. Wander round a Spanish city when it's not so busy ...

Then they’ve won

@Timetoread

nah, it’s more fun to walk…might come a cute little bar in a side street for example

😂😂

Get a taxi, they are cheap in Spain

@Nothatgingerpirate

dont let your anxieties rule you! Go out! Go on holiday! Life is short. One day you won’t be able to do these things, life is for living.

I always think it's so ironic that anxious people don't feel a bit anxious about pissing off those around them. There's a real sense of entitlement about people like this.