Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

It's soain whole families arevout having dinner. Leave her in the hotel.

She stays in at wherever you are staying that evening. The rest of you go to a club!

You will know when you are past your prime!

The two murders she referenced happened in the UK and Ireland, so if anything you can tell her she may be safer in Spain!

This has been blown put of all proportion in the British press

I saw one of the protests where the mail had said tourists had neem attacked with water pistols.

They did carry them and they were squirting them into the. Crowds. It wasn't done in a menacing way. It was quite funny. Kids were running over to them to get 'squirted"

Nothing like the news report. And it was a pre planned protest with no more planned. It was advertised and you could avoid it easily if you wish

This has been blown put of all proportion in the British press

I saw one of the protests where the mail had said tourists had neem attacked with water pistols.

They did carry them and they were squirting them into the. Crowds. It wasn't done in a menacing way. It was quite funny. Kids were running over to them to get 'squirted"

Nothing like the news report. And it was a pre planned protest with no more planned. It was advertised and you could avoid it easily if you wish

The grim history of violence against women means these terrible (not so recent) events have always happened. But there's no sudden upswing, especially for three women together in a busy Spanish tourist city.

I don't think this is a genuine thread. But I confess to having compassion fatigue when it comes to anxiety. It's used so often these days to derail plans and make other people suffer.

I have one friend who is anxious about flying. Another who is anxious about going on the Tube. A third who is anxious about going on escalators. Hard to avoid these in London. A fourth with health anxiety.

They all expect people to go out of their way, incur expenses and change their plans to cater to their anxieties. Like drive them or avoid the Tube or take Ubers with them etc etc. I, for one, am tired of it. I am still friends but I put up very strong boundaries now.

I have every sympathy with people like the poster on this thread who said that she is the same, even here, sounds like she barely leaves her house

But why, is OPs friend going on a holiday in the first place, when chances are you'll be out, but in particular going to Spain where the day ends in the early hours of the next morning. What possessed her to do this?

And then to put expectations on the others that are going which are unreasonable.

I think thats why people are responding as they are.

As other people have said, I'd leave your friend behind in the hotel. I think you would be far safer walking around a Spanish city after dark than in many British towns.

Whereabouts do you live @Maddy70 ? (Just being nosy and wondering if it's somewhere I've been or somewhere on my 'list'! )

I live in Spain. It's far safer than the UK and I have no idea what recent events you are talking about . Just say we are going out we are on holiday. Nowhere starts serving dinner until at least 8pm usually 8.30.
If she doesntvwant to she can stay in the hotel.
It sounds like she has really bad anxiety. You cant be expected to not enjoy your holiday because of this

Barcelona? Some old school friends emigrated there and my and partner have been several times . It feels safe to me.
Even Las Ramblas, alone as a 30 year old woman early evening, not a bit of trouble. Ditto Madrid, no problems at all.
Just got back from Salou and my daughter and other kids were out playing until 10pm at night (hotel and surrounding restaurants) . Totally normal, they do things later in Spain.

It all sounds very tame and dare I say a little boring. Live a little. You're young and on holiday.
If your friend doesn't like it (politely) leave her in the hotel.

I had a friend like this (had!). She once came to walk my dog with me in a popular walking area and she clutched a hairbrush from her bag the whole time in case something happened. Never asked her again surprisingly. Very strange way to live imo.

In England, preferably. 😂

if you’re not from England, still leave her there.

I would leave her behind.

There was a single elderly man sitting in a square in Barcelona with a placard saying "tourists go home" last week.

Good on him for having the courage of his convictions, but the demos seem to be over for now.

Couldn't be arsed with that attitude. Leave her to do her own thing and don’t sacrifice any part of your holiday.

Amen to these ladies! The way news is reported all over the TV and internet now means that everyone knows everything and the risk is vastly overinflated. These things have always happened. Men have always beat, raped and murdered women but it's usually someone they know that does it. It's what they seem to do best.

Elaine does need some help though. As others have suggested she definitely needs some talking therapy/CBT to help her see that the actual risk is lower than the expected risk and that it is unhealthy to obsess over these things. It's ok to be angry about them but it's not ok to hide inside after dark your whole life.
I hope you come to a suitable arrangement and I hope Elaine relaxes a bit once you get there.

There are three of you, you'll be fine.

Download the uber app and get uber lined up for the ride home. Also download Google translate so you can ask at a club if uber fails.

Stay alert as you'd do in the uk. Don't go down unlit paths, wear a money belt with important stuff in, leave your handbag for easily replaceable things. Stay together, if it's a late night organise an uber.

If your friend really won't budge on this go out to a club without her.

I have travelled extensively alone and with partners (but would go off on my own).
Apart from general sense like not getting paralytic, wearing headphones etc my general rule of thumb was what do local women do? If they are out and about at night walking alone or in groups so am I.
So Seville in February this year plenty of locals walking home at night fine. Florence lots of women and children about at night. Marrakech (admittedly a while ago) no. Only time my ex volunteered to go shopping with me 😆

Im going to offer an alternative perspective - it may be that she is just experiencing anxiety at going to an unfamiliar place. Speak to her about it. Try and reassure her. Maybe she would feel better if she got a personal alarm. Once she is there and sees that it is safe she may well feel more relaxed about being out. Reassure her that if she needs to jump in a taxi to get back to the hotel earlier than the rest of you she is free to do this and that you can accomodate around her in this way. It would be a bit strange of her to expect everyone to be indoors by 6pm so I expect it is just uncertainty fuelling her response. Enjoy your trip ! x

There are strong anti-tourist demos in Spain. Perhaps this is what she means.

Leave Elaine in the hotel

This. And it needs to be communicated before your holiday. Otherwise, I see trouble ahead