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Original poster

Surname etiquette after marriage

219 replies

Gc1992 · 25/10/2024 21:33

Please help. My middle name rhymes with my fiancé’s surname so it sounds silly together. Keeping my surname and adding his on as a double-barrelled name also doesn’t sound right. I could change my middle name. Is this unreasonable? I can’t emphasise enough how silly the two names sound together! 😂

OP posts:
Youthiswastedontheyoung · 25/10/2024 22:52

@Hohofortherobbers You kept your family name?

Velvian · 25/10/2024 22:51

Is it like Layla Taylor? I don't think rhyming is too bad. Depends if you already have DC with DP's name. For me, that would be more important. If not just keep your name and the DC can have both names.

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 25/10/2024 22:51

@Ilovemyshed Same here. I'm a primary teacher and of course therefore I must be a Mrs. Nope; that's my mum's name!!!

Ohnobackagain · 25/10/2024 22:50

@Gc1992 there has never been any legal requirement to change name on marriage, not even years ago. So just keep your name.

Hohofortherobbers · 25/10/2024 22:49

Never thought how my middle name sounded with my new surname. My first name + surname sounds fine. Can't recall saying it in full

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 25/10/2024 22:48

@BookishType Why is db'ing "a bit silly"?

Ilovemyshed · 25/10/2024 22:48

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 25/10/2024 22:45

IRL though...be interested to know how many women are actually Ms My Last Name upon marriage? I feel we are very firmly in the minority.

I am.
What amazes me though is how many people just cannot get it into their heads that the name has stayed the same and call me Mrs 🤷🏽‍♀️

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 25/10/2024 22:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I wouldn’t have, but civil partnerships were not available to straight couples 20 years ago.

GrumpyPanda · 25/10/2024 22:48

Simple. Both take yours. How well does his middle name work with your surname?

BookishType · 25/10/2024 22:47

Keep your name?

He takes your name if you want to share one?

We’ve been to 2 weddings this year and neither bride has taken the groom’s name. It’s increasingly becoming a dated construct. And double-barrelling is a bit silly.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/10/2024 22:47

TriceratopsRocks · 25/10/2024 21:39

Assuming you both want to share a surname, could he take yours, or you make up a new name based on both your surnames? But how often do you actually use your middle name that this would bother you?

This

AnotherEmma · 25/10/2024 22:46

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 25/10/2024 22:45

IRL though...be interested to know how many women are actually Ms My Last Name upon marriage? I feel we are very firmly in the minority.

We are, sadly - in the UK, anyway.
Spanish women don't change their names after marriage!

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 25/10/2024 22:45

IRL though...be interested to know how many women are actually Ms My Last Name upon marriage? I feel we are very firmly in the minority.

Willyoujustbequiet · 25/10/2024 22:44

Just keep your own name

And give any children yours too.

Cynic17 · 25/10/2024 22:43

Nobody ever uses a middle name. So if your name on your birth certificate is Jane Jemima Jones, you will be known as Jane Jones. If you marry John Smith, you can be Jane Smith, or stay as Jane Jones - either is fine, and it doesn't matter about your middle name.

Or just be Mary Jemima Hamilton - anything you like, it doesn't matter!

AnotherEmma · 25/10/2024 22:43

As many PPs have said, by far the most straightforward option is to keep your own surname. No admin, no hassle. However, if you really want to share a surname with your beloved, your options are:

  1. he changes his surname to yours
  2. you both double barrel
  3. you both change your surname to a new surname that you choose together, could be a blended version of both your names or something else

If you keep your surname and later have children, please give them your surname! If he hasn't changed his surname, you can still give both surnames to the children (with or without hyphen). Don't relegate your surname to middle name!

Onlyonekenobe · 25/10/2024 22:43

Surely the obvious answer is to nit change your name Confused

You aren’t becoming a different person. You’re just getting married.

violentovulation · 25/10/2024 22:42

Just keep your own name.

Greenfingers37 · 25/10/2024 22:42

I kept my maiden name. No issues.

BIossomtoes · 25/10/2024 22:42

Don’t change your name. The amount of tedious admin it saves is mind blowing.

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 25/10/2024 22:41

Hubby and I both db'd. And like hell was I going to be a Mrs!! 😆

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 25/10/2024 22:41

You could keep your name.

But if you don't want to, I don't think this is really an issue - how often is your middle name going to be said?

Lostinbrum · 25/10/2024 22:41

I think my middle names (I have two) have come up in conversation once in the last five years. I got married in May and still haven't changed my name. I'm not sure I want to. It's such a ball ache to have to update my passport driver licence, work email etc etc. Kids have my husbands surname so I'm the odd one out but I'm in no rush. I've had this name for 40 years I can't imagine being called anything else

BumbleShyBee · 25/10/2024 22:40

Why on earth are you changing your name?

Ponderingwindow · 25/10/2024 22:40

You are a fully formed person with an identity. You don’t need to change your name.

if you really must have the same name as your spouse, but your spouse’s surname clashes with your middle name, then surely the solution is for your spouse to take your surname.

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