Surname etiquette after marriage

It's really tedious and rude when people keep bleating on about how they don't believe people who have given their reasons for changing their name. Pathetic really.

It’s her personal choice though and not really your place to like or not.

I only know a few people who didn’t take their husband’s name when they got married. Double barrelling mine would be too long and I wouldn’t to have a different name to my children

Can’t you both just keep your own names. That’s what I did 28 years ago. Even more people do it now.

I’m saying the reasons she’s giving don’t really hold water. And the language she’s using will mean women are primed to change their names rather than really considering why (or why not). All things that menfolk largely aren’t ever expected to give headspace.

i think the only way names should ever be changed is if both parties double barrel or change to a new name chosen by them. Otherwise, keep their own.

So are you saying she shouldn’t have changed it when she got married?

It was YOUR surname. Where it came from isn’t relevant.

It clearly wasn’t hideous enough to change before marriage. And your uncles have all managed, despite the spelling issues.

You can do what ever you want. I have my maiden name as a middle name. BTW, don't pay for a deed poll, just make your own, look up the wording on gov.uk. It doesn't need to be 'enrolled' as places will accept your own version.

Well I am an only child and my parents divorced so no. I was quite happy to get rid of my late father’s ugly surname. My mum re married so she got rid of it too. My dad’s brothers still have the surname though, he had no sisters.

Just keep your own name. Simple.

If you're that much of a feminist then dont even bother getting married.

So you shouldn’t get married if you don’t want to take a man’s name? So depressing that some women perpetuate this rubbish.

That is exactly why I changed my name when I got married and have not changed it back.

I could understand this if it was your first name that would rhyme with your new surname, but who uses their middle name? I don't think there is anyone apart from my husband, daughter, HMRC, and banks who know my middle name. None of my friends or colleagues woukd even know that I've got one let alone what it is.

I too hate the term maiden name, it serves no purpose except to perpetuate the idea that a female's name is temporary.

When would you say your full name to anyone? Hardly ever

Do you mean changing your middle name to something completely different - for example you're Sophie Miranda Jones, marrying George Panda, and you're considering switching to Sophie Elizabeth Jones now and Sophie Elizabeth Panda later, just to avoid the rhyme?

If so, I think maybe that's unnecessary. Unless you use your middle every day - people regularly address you as "Sophie Miranda", or you'd introduce yourself that way - I wouldn't worry too much. Ideologically I fall into the "don't change your last name (unless you really hate it)" camp, and I also think it's by far the easiest option just to keep it as is - but everyone's different. Traditionally, some women who changed to their husband's last name at marriage used their own original surname as a middle (for example, Sophie Miranda Jones > Sophie Jones Panda), so if you really want to change your last name to your partner's when you get married that could be an option.

GentleFinch: If you're that much of a feminist then dont even bother getting married. Not sure I agree; the point of feminism is for women to be treated routinely as human beings, just as men are. And plenty of men get married without a lot of handwringing over losing their rights. I think the core issue is structural and systemic inequality based on sex, which infiltrates and perverts all of our social institutions including marriage, rather than the institution of marriage itself. (Also of course not all marriages are cross-sex.)

The term “maiden name” keeps us in this perpetual cycle of believing women’s names are temporary and should be chanced upon marriage. Should also be outlawed.

“Just keep your name” “I kept my name” “name since birth” all work equally well.

Have any males in your family kept this horrible surname, perchance?

It’s not etiquette, it isn’t rude to keep your own name.

Just keep your maiden name or as everyone says don't worry as people hardly ever hear full name

nothing can be more silly than my name.

i took dh’s family name and his surname is a colour, however my middle name is also a colour.

we've had a few giggles with it!

2chocolateoranges White Grey.

rarely use my middle name.

Yep. Of course that’s what it is?

I can’t fathom why people think stating the obvious is some kind of amazing GOTCHA.

You’re so much smarter than other women! You’ve shown us all!

I'm happily married but always wish I'd kept my maiden name!

Why can't he change his surname to yours?

I have been traveling abroad with my DC who I dont share a name with for over 20 years, with no letter and no birth certificates. No problems.
Ideally I would have liked them to have my name too but over 20 years ago that was a step too far.

@TheGlitterFairy Did your husband add on to his name too?

How many women keep their family name but then give their children their father's last name? Personally not for me. Patriarchy again, no?