Surname etiquette after marriage

"It can be an issue at passport control, when travelling with children, if they have a different surname from the adult they are travelling with. I’ve been questioned once or twice, and been advised to carry a copy of their birth certificates"

So either carry copies of their birth certificates. Or the man changes his name. Sorted.

I’ve travelled a fair amount with my two kids with different surnames to me and never had any issues with the passports having different surnames on them.

The argument regarding one name for all family members... not at all convinced.
In that case, why is it 99.9% of the time the woman who changes her name? Surely the same would still hold true if the man changed his name, no?

Am I correct in that you're going from something like Sophie Jane Johnson to being a Sophie Jane Lane or similar? I suppose it would depend on how much you use your middle name. One of my friends uses her full name a lot and she'd probably avoid a rhyming name for this reason.

You're under no obligation to change your name if you don'g want to. If it bothers you that badly, don't change it. I've let people know I intend to change mine/ I use it socially but I've been too lazy and cheap to change my passport.

DH and I have traveled all over the place with DD since she was 4 months old. Neither of us has ever been questioned or had a moments hassle, because both of our names are on her passport.

It can be an issue at passport control, when travelling with children, if they have a different surname from the adult they are travelling with. I’ve been questioned once or twice, and been advised to carry a copy of their birth certificates.

It both seems simpler and easier - one name for all family members - but it has become a bit of a running joke with my husband, who would like me to take his surname. So I do, but not officially. Officially I use the name I always have used.

My name might have been my father's name. But it is also the name I have used and put to any and all achievements all my life, and which I made my own. If I had changed it that person would have vanished.

I agree. Keep your own name and make it yours by what you do with your life. That’s what I’ve done.

Or have your husband take your name. His name is just his father’s name, after all!

I used “it’s another man’s name I have” as a point to people saying keep your own name don’t take a man’s name as it’s a symbolism of being “owned “by a man if you change your name. Or keep your own name, my own name was my fathers name and I was glad to see that’s back of it.

my surname is now my husbands family name, I love my surname and have had it love her than my previous one.

my point is use whatever surname you want!

If women’s names are just ‘their dad’s name’, aren’t men’s names also their dad’s name?

Make whatever choice you want but this take doesn’t make any sense to me.

Why don’t you believe women ever own their names?

Agreed. Relinquishing your own family name is not part of the deal of marriage. Most men don't do it, after all.

Simplest solution: keep your own surname. Or your to-be husband change his surname to yours.

Is it old-fashioned? 2 of my nephews got married this year and both wives (both professionals with careers) have taken their husbands’ names. My god-daughter is getting married early next year and intends to change her name too (even though her name with her new surname will be alliterative).

I’m all for it not being the norm, but I think in the UK, it still is.

Keep your own name. It's so old fashioned to take the man's name now and it's the age of women retaining their identity so you'll be in great company 😜

Yes, absolutely nothing happens. It's fine.

Nothing.

What happens if different members of a family have different names?

I did change my name to dh’s family name as I wanted us all to have the same name when we eventually decided to have children, I also see it that my original name was my dads name, so whether it’s the same name as my dad or the same name as my dh , it’s still another man’s name I have.

i much prefer my surname now and I’ve had it longer than my original surname.

the best advice is pick whatever surname you want.

OP is one of those post and runners, but the use of etiquette means she thinks married women have to change their name, otherwise there are social and legal consequences. Many women think this. Just like they think there are common law marriages. But neither is true.

@CurlewKate I think you are misunderstanding me. Yes, this thread is asking for opinions. Most people have given their opinions, but Some have told the op what she SHOULD do rather than what they THINK she should do, and others have been extremely scornful towards women who want to change their name when they get married and have made it very clear that think their own view is the right one and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.

It’s an individual decision. I chose not to change my name 25 years ago. My Dil and stepdaughter have both changed theirs. I call myself Ms, they chose Mrs. My bloke’s first wife still uses his name despite subsequently remarrying so we have the odd situation of the current wife being Ms Nothisname and the ex being Mrs Hisname. It’s frankly bonkers.

@I would never tell another woman that she should not change her name when she gets married, because her views are just as correct to her as mine are to me."

Not even on a thread about whether or not a women should change her name on marriage?🤣

And it's interesting how often it's feminist opinions that are not to be shared.....

OP: You mean you would change your middle AND your surname, and your husband would change... nothing? You don't need to give so much of yourself away!