'My job is more tiring than yours'

Very annoying for you. Your jobs are different and impossible to say whose is more tiring, but it's not a competition. Maybe you are both tired.

The event was late yesterday, so he didn’t ask about your interview at all yesterday? He only asked about it this morning?

I think because you’re both tired after long days, you’ve been derailed into competitive tiredness. Which is never going to help any situation. The real issue is that it was a big day for both of you yesterday but he didn’t ask about your big thing whilst you are at his big thing smiling and saying how wonderful he is. I think you can be annoyed he didn’t acknowledge it was a big day for you. I think you have allowed your tiredness to cloud how you bring that up, which we all do. This was yesterday though so you’re still ruminating on it. Is that because you generally feel he doesn’t appreciate your big days or because you’re still tired?

My DH does a relatively low stress desk job. He works full time.
I work p/t in a very physical job.

If we find ourselves having this conversation, one of us will start saying ‘I’m soooo the most, completely more tired than anyone has ever been, in the history of the world’ etc etc to highlight the stupidity of the conversation and lighten the mood.

It works well.
We both work hard and are sometimes both tired.

Sorry opening night - that must also be stressful...

I think his event was probably a big thing signifying the end of his project & he was probably just tired. I imagine project work is a different pace & would just let him have his moment. I'm a teacher but don't think MN is especially tolerant of teachers saying they are tired 🤷🏻‍♀️

I carved pumpkins with 32, 9 year olds today so with DH I win the tiredness of the day competition. But I am off for a week now so it's swings and roundabouts!

The celebration of his work for you is a chance to celebrate his work. You’re tired and you still have to be on it but it’s not work for you at that point. It’s making small talk after a long day of work, yes it’s tiring but it’s not work. The celebration drinks for his work, he is still working. Even if he has a drink in his hand, he was still working. He would be networking, building contacts, planning his next piece of work.

Did he ask you how your interview had gone?

I'm a teacher, I have so many friends outside of education that think it's an easy job. One of my ex colleagues seems to think it's an easy cushy job and I can leave at 3 with the kids…

This times 1000xxxxx

In my experience teachers think they have the monopoly on stress and noone else is allowed to be tired or stressed or fed up!
It's not a competition. We are allowed to be stressed too!

It's not a competition. Maybe you could both intentionally listen to hear rather than listen to respond. Both show each other a bit of empathy and support. This isn't a criticism btw ☺️. We all do this and it takes a conscious effort not to

Surely you can understand that he’s not specifically tired from one day but from the cumulation of work and the project finishing?

I could NEVER be a teacher so I take my hat off to all teachers. My partners a long haul lorry driver works away Monday - Friday and I have a technical job working from home and office. His job is physically tiring where as mines is more mentally tiring. However we both understand this from each other xx

I hate competitive tiredness. Like when parents will say to someone without kids that they can’t be tired because they don’t have kids - yes they can. It’s a really dickish thing to say. It feels like you think your job is more important and more tiring than his because you say he has big blocks of time off after when you go on to clarify that your big blocks of time off you’re still busy. I can’t imagine the creativity just stops and if he’s freelance he’ll be marketing himself in that time and updating his portfolio.

You both need to acknowledge that you have tiring jobs and jobs that you put a lot of yourself into. They are both jobs that you are only going to if you have a deep passion for the work and that is going to be tiring. It’s also not a case of swapping to see who has it worst because of you don’t have the skills for his job and vice versa, it’s going to be harder and more tiring.

But why did you need your day acknowledged because he said he was tired after a long periods of time preparing for a show and it finally opening?
Can neither of you care and give the other one empathy and love without thinking about what you’re immediately getting in return?
The one upmanship isn’t a sign of a good partnership.

There are a huge number of roles as and more tiring than being a teacher. Teachers don’t have the monopoly on the hardest job in the world.

This! Yes teachers work hard but if they slack
no one is going to die. Jobs with life changing responsibilities are clearly more tiring.

Me and OH work in (different) mentally and physically and emotionally draining roles. When we feel like saying something along those lines we say ‘we are both working very hard and trying our best’ to each other. I find it reminds us to have empathy for each other and that we are a team.

people are allowed to be overwhelmed and exhausted no matter what their role is.

A & E nurse tired?