DH is spoiling his adult daughter

Why should your son when he has chosen (with your blessing) to sit on his arse and sponge off his parents and step parent?

You are coming across as petulant jealous child, having a tantrum because you aren't getting what you want or what someone else has.

Grow the fuck up!

It is your DH's choice.
You have a right to comment, privately, about the positive or negative effects to his daughter.
I think too much money creates an attitude of entitlement.
You could suggest that SD (and your sons) participates in local charity work, say at a soup kitchen or supporting sustainable environments for threatened animals or plants etc.
The aim is for well rounded, kind young adults who can do things for themselves. Consider asking them all to do more chores and cooking around their home too.

The other issue worth talking about is the long term security of each child.
Is your husband reducing the chance of his daughter affording to purchase a home due to not saving what she spends on sparkles and baubles?
Should you both be charging a small rent (maybe secretly saving it for house deposits for each child) so that your kids experience real life?

There’s the crux. Why is she on his credit card and not me wah wah stomps feet it’s not fair.

So hope is only a partner not a dh. Hopefully he wasn’t that stupid

I think you are both jealous of the OP with her wealthy husband and nice London lifestyle and dressing it up as criticism of her.

Nope - very happy with my life. I can afford to do what I want, and buy what I want, so why would I be jealous?

@Asofcati stop being jealous

But why should she be given anything when she works?

Because her father wants to do something nice for his daughter?

Because she’s studying - a degree apprenticeship is as much education as your son’s degree (and I’m willing to bet she’s putting far more hours into relevant activities for her qualification than he is)?

Is she not doing a degree apprenticeship? Therefore earning and working.
You know OP if I had the money I would buy my kids more. I don't have money so they have what I can afford. Both adults BTW. Why can't he spend his money as he wants? Would you complain if he bought himself an expensive item?

Why should your DS be given anything when he sits on his lazy arse and doesn’t work?

@InterIgnis and @IKEAJesus ,

‘I can’t afford to do it, so i’m going to dress it up like those that can and do have a moral deficiency”

in short.’

The irony here is I probably could afford it, but I never would. They have Uniqlo clothes, or similar, and can use their allowance to save up if they want designer gear. They are still younger teens and the only way I ‘spoil’ them is the odd luxury holiday and the security of private medicine (they go to state schools).

I knew a few trust fund kids growing up. They were generally lazy and unmotivated. What is there to aspire to if you have it all aged 18?!

And a degree apprenticeship in ‘wealth management’ (that well known academic degree) was almost certainly gained via papa’s contacts rather than through diligence and drive.

I think you are both jealous of the OP with her wealthy husband and nice London lifestyle and dressing it up as criticism of her.

In short.

I think a lot of this hinges on the ages of the "children". If they were 8 and 10 it would be entirely different. We are talking about young adults.
This is not a blended family.
When I was married and bringing up my children we had no separate money at all-everything was in joint names and joint accounts.
If I had entered into a second marriage when my kids were 18+ I would definitely not have blended like that again.
Any new house would have been tenants in common, proportional to what we put in and we would have had separate finances contributing fairly to household expenses.
I would not have accepted anyone interfering in my relationship with my children and I would not have attempted to interfere in theirs', even after marriage.
I think it's absolutely too late to expect them to be treated the same-their upbringing is basically complete.
As long as OP's husband is treating her fairly and neither she nor her children are subsidizing him he can do as he wishes as regards his daughter.

And he would be absolutely correct.

If anybody is spoiled here it’s you and your darling son living in a house you can’t afford without this man and living off a joint account he pays 70% towards.

And yet you’re still complaining.

Put this one back OP because there’s plenty of us that would want a man like this. Oh and he speaks French? Extra bonus.

He’s putting 70% in to the joint account and you have two children benefitting from that whilst he has one. Do you even understand how dumb you sound??

So you now live in a bigger nicer house, he covers 70% of household bills and stuff from the joint account.

and your still complaining. Because he likes to treat his daughter.

some people really would bite the hand that feeds them

Exactly. He already is financing your son.

Why not move to you financing your son and him financing his daughter? And it not being a joint expense?

But Op wants her own son’s phone bill covered. So, they don’t cover hers. They won’t cover the sons either.

The son could work. But chooses not to with the Ops support. So following your thinking they shouldn’t be paying for his either?

Then he can pull all his money from the joint account 🤷🏻‍♀️

He can stop contributing to her sons entirely.

But you say you think she will turn out spoilt.

So you wouldn’t do the same for your son. So the fact that you can’t is irrelevant, surely?

Or is it that you simply don’t want her having the gifts?

The gifts to HIS daughter is coming out of HIS personal money. You want him to pay for gifts for YOUR some out of HIS money?

Because you say you can’t afford to buy your son gifts. So the only person who could provide those gifts are your husband.

Honestly, I find this bizarre.

You sound incredibly jealous of her.

I'd tell him since she's earning 24k a year you won't be covering her phone bill anymore.

Food is fair enough, but phone bill? Ffs.

Oh, you are simply eaten up with jealousy and spite, aren't you?

Poor, poor daughter. For her sake, I hope he soon realises what you are and divorces you.

You, my dear, are jealous.

Op and her son must of thought their golden goose has arrived with his golden eggs only to find not much has changed for them.

So what your saying is the ops failed her son really.

She’s decided to move in with a man who is not his father and thus owes him nothing and is now upset via the disparity in monetary items.

Though he does benefits from the larger presuming over home too.

so it’s another poor blended family. Because adults put their desires first. Well the man actually seems to of kept his daughters life pretty nice just the op failed to realise her son might be a wee but put out being the poor relative.