DH is spoiling his adult daughter

Maybe he will get a part-time job, he's only just started higher education, let him get used to that first. I expect he is still navigating his way around.

And you’re off for months for holidays…what is stopping him working then?

That still leaves plenty of time for a part time job!!

So basically you want your son to have an easy ride through uni but begrudge his daughter because she works and has more monew? Back in the real world, loads of people work through uni. Your son is lucky he doesn’t have to. You’re simply jealous of what your dh can give his daughter!

YABU. Don’t ever try to come between a parent and their child . You sound bitter and you won’t win.

Like you said his daughter, his choice. She doesn’t have her mum, cut them both some slack. You’ve said you’re comfortably well off so if it isn’t the money why are you bothered

With all due respect OP it’s none of your business. that may sound harsh and I could see it if he was doing this and you two were struggling but he can afford it it seems so it’s really nothing to do with you unfortunately

Yes indeed, show your DH this thread and see how he feels

You sound very spiteful and jealous. I'm glad the dad is sticking up for his daughter. Your children have 2 living parents, she lost her mum and unfortunately, is stuck with a step-mum like you. The way you say she can afford a home because of her mum is petty and not very pleasant. I hope your husband sees this thread.

Your husband brought a sizeable deposit to the table and pays 70% of the household expenses, but you're taking issue with him 'spoiling ' his daughter?

This may very well be what he's doing, and you can point that out to him in conversation. Beyond that, this is really nothing to do with you.

I understand you feel sorry you can't do the same (in part) for yours, but thems the breaks 🤷🏾‍♀️

Even if he does 20h reading that leaves time for a part time job!

But surely it should also be about 20 hours a week of reading time!

The only response I can summon up to all the points you've raised so far is
"And?"

You chose seperate finances.
She is not your daughter.
He is not your son's dad.
What he does with his own money and his daughter is absolutely nothing to do with you.
Why do you think it is?

And your son gets 4-5 months off DOING NOTHING. God I pray your husband does see this and his eyes are opened.

I did a history degree. There’s less than 10 hours a week of contact time. Definitely time to work!

I’m wondering if the OP is jealous of the stepdaughter in general. There’s certainly no warmth for a young woman whose mother died at a formative age.

Jesus OP let it go, he’s not obliged to give his own daughter less so that you and your sons can have more.

She has 500k because her mum is dead, not because she’s a terrible spoiled person.

You actually sound really jealous that he spends so much on his DD and that she has access to his credit card. Do you think it should be you with that stuff? Because as a mum I spend way more on my DD than I do on my husband, to me thats quite normal.

So the thing is that I wouldn't parent the way he is - I do actually think it isn't ideal to shower your adult children with this much in the way of luxury goods.

But your reason for objecting to it doesn't seem to be anything to do with whether it is or isn't good for his DD, it's all about not being able to do the same for yours. You sort of imply that if you could give your son the same, you would, so you obviously don't really think it's a bad thing.

And also I kind of feel like when you get together with someone and you both have older children, it isn't practical to try and parent the same. If you can't make your peace with how he parents, it's not reasonable to try and drive a compromise, you should just leave.

This is giving real life Cinderella vibes. Her Mother is dead her Father is doing all he can to compensate for that. A degree apprenticeship is a huge amount of work, effort and stress compared to doing just a degree. No long holidays often any holidays are used to do Uni work.
Your son could apply for a degree apprenticeship if he wanted but you wanted him to have less stress fair enough but he can work in his long holidays and most uni students are not in 9-5 every day either.

Your partner sounds wealthy and able to afford treating his daughter. Comparison is the thief of joy OP. But you all sound very fortunate to me :)

edited to add obvs apart from the very devastating loss both your partner and his daughter have experienced

Sounds like you’re the one who’s jealous! Gotta say, I might be too in your shoes. 😆Don’t feed into that mindset. Let daughter be happy and teach your sons to be good men and not compete with the daughter. They have nothing to do with how her father provides for her, it’s simply no one’s business.

You really aren't suited to being partnered with a wealthy person.

All over Mumsnet, people in a relatively early stage of blending families, are told that step parents should butt out of decisions regarding their step kids. But here you are, judging your partner for his decisions regarding his child.

If you can't cope with his child being much more financially fortunate than yours, then it's best that you quit the relationship.

Every message you sound worse OP. I hope his will is set to his daughter and you and your spoilt brat sons learn to pay your own way.

Her mum died when she was 10. She’ll never have what your two have. Nothing anywhere near as fabulous- a mum. How can you begrudge her any form of consolation - it’s just material stuff after all.

Given your relationship and the timeframe in which it came about associated to your relative children I would say that the bills and food for the family should come from the joint. Everything else is for each of you to decide upon outside of that.

If that leaves you short that’s a discussion for you to have together about your contribution to the joint account, but why should DH subsidise you and your teenage children when none of you are really his responsibility?

Of course that would be different of you were a SAHM taking in the load of raising his child or you were sick and unable to work, but you are neither of those things.

Just because his daughter has been smart and got herself a job earning £24k why should she receive less subsidy and why should he support your teenage children over her?