DH is spoiling his adult daughter

But they're not his children or small children. The OP has been very quiet about whether their father pays anything towards them. At a guess he probably does as she would have mentioned it if he didn't just to strengthen her case.

Why should he the OP and the father of her children can do that?
Would be different if he'd been their stepfather since they were little but they're adults now.

Ugh, I really dislike women like you OP.

This 18 year old young woman has been dealt one of the brutalist blows life can throw with the death of her mother.

I've a 10 yr old dd and I feel choked up imagining her distress if anything happened to me.

You are so full of resentment and jealousy I hope your DH twigs to just how deep this goes and divorces you.

How dare you question what her father spends on her with HIS money.

Meanwhile your lazy son gets a free pass of your criticism. An 18 year old man who doesn't work, takes subs off his mother because she wants him to study history.

The way you speak about your dsd is dripping with irritation. I hope they both get rid of you and your freeloading sons.

Here's the thing, if it was truly that awful, OP could leave. Sure, her and her kids would have even less without him, but if she is that principled and worried about the unfairness that's the most straightforward way to fix it. She's not doing that though is she? She's expecting her husband to give his daughter less. Why should she penalised because her dad remarried?

Why would he? They have their own parents to do that.

The OP’s sons can be spoiled rotten on their birthdays by their mum and their dad. The DH’s daughter doesn’t have a mum.

@lightandstars Is he spoiling OP's DC rotten on their birthdays? I don't think so. I lived with a poor man's version of this situation and it broke my heart for the discrepancy in the way the son of then partner was treated versus how his daughter was treated.
I don't think there is any changing this man, though. It's kind of incestuous in my view.

Well he paid for their house, pays 70% to house them, pays 70% of their phone bill, gym membership etc why would he spoil OP’s teenagers specifically on their birthday? What is their father doing on their birthday?
Why do biological fathers get off scot free and the new man is expected to provide everything for children that aren’t his just because he’s in a relationship with their mother?
The DH in this case is covering the memory of the bills allowing OP more of her own money than ever to spend spoiling her own children.

He sounds protective of his daughter and quite rightly so as she lost her mother at a young age. By spoiling her he probably feels he is going some way to compensating for that loss. I am glad he seems to be prioritising her. You sound jealous. Annoyed about her inheritance and that your sons won’t get the same. Poor girl.

Is he spoiling OP's DC rotten on their birthdays? I don't think so. I lived with a poor man's version of this situation and it broke my heart for the discrepancy in the way the son of then partner was treated versus how his daughter was treated.

I don't think there is any changing this man, though. It's kind of incestuous in my view.

I'm sorry, but rich people do that. They can afford it. I don't know why people don't get that. There are probably plenty of people who are on mumsnet who buy expensive cars etc. I don't because I can't afford it, if I had the money I probably would buy better.
No one feels spoilt if they have the money to buy it. She would only be spoilt if she was having a tantrum and demanding items which were unaffordable.

Wouldn't it have been her 18th birthday? Most people spoil their children on their 18th.
I dint see the issue.

Her birthday was in August and he bought her a brand new MacBook, a whole designer wardrobe for work (think Ralph Lauren etc.), a designer work hand bag and jewellery from the likes of Van Cleef and Tiffany.

He really is creating a spoilt daddy's little princess. That level of materialism in an 18 year old is repulsive to me. But not much you can do, without being deemed the wicked stepmother.

To be fair. They haven’t been married that long.

I very much doubt they married while he lived in France. Probably in the last couple of years.

No shared children or finances. He would be better walking away sooner rather than later.

Hmm I wonder if the dh has realised he's made a mistake getting married again and is trying to transfer as many assets to his dd in the fom of gifts as he can in the event of death/ divorce? She has jewellery and designer stuff that retains its value( not that she will need it) As a PP said, if the husband dies, I doubt the dd will get anything from her stepmother including love or empathy or compassion.

That’s why university is meant to be the best period of your life, right? There’s time for everything else.

Ah good spot I remember that thread. All these step mums moaning about their well of step daughters.

Then people wonder why step parents get a bad name.

You realise 10 plus 20 is still only 30?

Is your stepdaughter actually spoilt and are your sons actually jealous? Your son and your DH's daughter are both incredibly wealthy, compared to many/most students. I dont think you are doing him any favours if you are encouraging him to feel hard done by

Are you the same poster that was moaning about the tennis courses and the grandparents support ? If not it seems remarkably coincidental... that thread also involved a wealthy, widowed doctor.
You sounded jealous and needy then ... I really wonder why you all moved in together after such a relatively short period of 'dating' ... do your sons want to live with this man and his DD? Does the DD want to live with you and two teenage boys? Sounds like a mess all round.

1. His daughter his money.
2. In wealth management she needs to look a certain way so that clients see that she can relate to them and understand their needs, subtle designer gear included (ie she has to look like ‘one of them’ especially since she’s so young).

Poor kid lost her mum. And she's reaping the benefit of a degree apprenticeship which is the point of it really. Think you're being naive and your son can use this as motivation to earn more now or in future.

You are benefitting from his generosity amd have not complained about that

He can do what he likes with his money

I’d be more worried about what job my son was going to get with a history degree tbh

she has the bigger room because her father contributed most to the property

your children are benefitting from his wealth

Yes. I do not think this is about the OP's son. I think OP is jealous of the father's love for his daughter. OP wants her husband to love HER the most, to give HER the nicest presents.

It is sick. I feel so sorry for the poor daughter.

Just on the point with the en-suite - I would always give the girl the en-suite. If she was your daughter and the two 2 boys were his, I would still think the girl should have the en-suite.

What was the drama about this? This would mean your two boys share a bathroom, which is fine. It would be odd to make your SD share with one of your sons while the other son had an en-suite. Were the boys really upset about this?

It is the money, I think. OP has enough but wants more - when she talks about “evening out the gifts” I don’t think she really means her DS, the OP is bitterly jealous than more nice things aren’t landing in her lap. I really doubt her DS is annoyed that his stepsister was given new clothes for work.

Essentially, the OP married well and she and her sons have been more than generously treated by her DH but I think she expected more and is bitter about it.

Look at how everything the DH buys for his daughter is being tallied up the OP, she’s pissed off more isnt coming HER way.

That the OP is not able to use her DH’s personal credit card says it all, I think. He is wary of her as well.