DH is spoiling his adult daughter

How strange that this brand new poster, who just so happens to agrees with the OPs point of view, created their account just 30 mins after the OPs last ever post.

The cynical amongst us may think this is more than a coincidence 👀

I think OP (while perhaps hasn’t articulated herself particularly well) has a point - they may not have blended when they were younger but they have now and most importantly are living under the same roof. The “children” SHOULD be treated equally from the point they became a blended family or there will be resentment. What happens at Christmas, when one child opens thousands of pounds worth of gifts and the others get much less? This is something that should have been addressed before moving in together but obviously wasn’t.
Giving an 18 year old seemingly unlimited spending power is crazy. It’s not teaching her anything about budgeting or real life, and she may well end up with money problems later in life because of it.

The money left by her mother is irrelevant, there could be other inheritances for any of the children down the line from either side of the family and nobody would expect them to be equal, however when you marry someone with children and all move in together it is fairly reasonable to expect them all to be treated the same within their home.

With things like the credit card currently his showing he still financially supporting her.

All in the daughters favour of the op tried to play funny cards. Probably another reason she’s on it and the ops not.

But if he dies, she could get everything couldn't she? Play the grieving widow and cry that the DD is capable of supporting herself but poor widowed mum of 2 needs to be kept in the life she is accustomed to then chuck her out to spend her inheritance on a house.
But maybe that's not it. He hasn't given Op access to his credit cards so maybe he just wants to give his daughter things from his own money that he has leftover from bankrolling OP and her kids.

Neither of them from the sounds of things. Why has no one moved out of the comfortable family home in London offering free food, travel, gym and iphones? (That's a trick question btw.)

Arguably, OP's son is going to find himself more at odds with his peers than the DP's daughter if anything. Anyone choosing a career in "wealth planning" at 18 is probably moving in different circles from the average uni student, whereas living at home and using your student loan for luxury spending is going to put a kid very much at odds with his friends, unless the friends are also very spoilt.

I'm sure there are people who live like this but it all sounds ridiculous to me.

His money, his daughter it’s for him to decide not u.

Yep, it could very well be that the sons are perfectly happy with their set up. It reads more like OP is using her sons as an excuse to air her own grievances. I wonder if the husband is buying her what he’s buying his daughter? Or maybe she’s resentful that the daughter isn’t in the same position she was at that age (‘if I struggled, so should you!’). The credit card issue seems largely to be based on the fact that OP doesn’t have access to it.

No, it’s isn’t the responsibility of stepparents to pay, and what’s indecent is expecting it of them.

OP is the one that chose to expose her children to this dynamic, knowing that finances would be kept separate, and she was the one responsible for providing financial her children. Not that he hasn’t provided for them - they live in a mortgage free house that OP’s husband paid the majority towards. They also get their phones paid for via the joint account. She was and is free to walk away.

I don’t know what the sons do or don’t feel, but what they feel is something they should take up with the one responsible for them - their mother.

No, I actually think it’s entirely the OP’s issue. I guarantee the 18 year old boy does not know what Van Cleef is nor Louboutins.
The DD is always going to have more money because she’s choosing to work, the OP’s DS chooses not to and as an 18 year old must surely understand he will have less money?

The Op has made this post about her dsd's father overly (in OP's opinion) spending on her, objecting to it, saying she works and earns her own money.

When it was suggested her son could work too she said she preferred him to focus on his studies. He gets a brand new phone and gym membership paid for too, yet doesn't earn a penny himself at 18!

So yes, lazy to just expect handouts, and brattish expecting parity in what is received by the dsd from her own father. Brattish kicking off over the dsd getting the en-suite when she has moved countries and her father pays 70% towards the home.

I think the OP should be looking at her own son if she wants to keep making spiteful, bitchy posts about this young woman.

I know this has been asked numerous times, but where is the father of the boys? Does he make any contribution to their finances? I can't find any information about him from the OP.

@LeoOakley ,

How is the son a lazy ‘brat’? On what information are you basing that?

He is doing an undergraduate degree in a respected subject.

Not remotely. The children in this home were not brought up together.

It is on the OP to manage her sons expectations. How petty and spoilt of the boy in this scenario to feel jealous over a father buying his own daughter a few designer clothes. The son is the one that sounds like a brat, a lazy one at that.

I really hope the DH in this scenario is identified and alerted. This isn't the first post made about this young woman. I am certain her father would like to know who he has brought into her life.

I doubt an 18 year old young man was particularly fazed that his step sister was given new clothes and shoes for work on her birthday.

well, he might be upset now, after the OP has produced her spreadsheet showing what everyone in the family gets from her DH 😀.

If the DH is expected to give expensive birthday gifts to the OP’s sons, then that should go both ways, surely? I wonder what the OP gave her step daughter for a birthday present?

This is a weird thread, or the responses are.

Regardless of what you think of the OP, don’t you think her son must feel like a second class citizen in his own home?

It would be a bit like a blended family going oh holiday together and the richer parent and child flying business and the poorer one economy. Maybe it is the richer parent’s right to pay up, but it is still not decent behaviour.

But it wouldn’t be repulsive if Op does for her son?

Which is what Op wants? She wants the gifting to be equal.

Incestuous? What is going on in your head to even think that?

The son is not his. So it’s nothing like the ‘heart breaking’ breaking situation you brought up.

Did you just bring up something entirely irrelevant to slip in you think a father buying his daughter thing's is incestuous?

Or do you see the act of buying gifts for women as only done if there’s something romantic/sexual going on? Even from family?

They’re not his kids, why would he? They have two parents to do that.

It does sound like the OP from that thread! @titchy also called it! The OP quite rightly was told then that she appeared to resent the DD. It seems nothing’s changed.

I really hope this gets picked up by the media and someone recognises the man and lets him know about his wife’s true intentions.

Hi daughter is WORKING. Do you understand what a degree apprenticeship is? It takes longer as well and is hard work. And she needs professional attire.

you sound jealous of his daughter. Your children were not brought up together so they are neither step children or step siblings.

his child lost her mother at a young age yet you have no compassion- and she has been in your life for a good few years.

your oh earns more than you so this doesn’t impact your life, do not your business and you shouldn’t have raised your kids to compare.

If you insist he changes how he treats her, he’ll have to explain why. And if I were her, I don’t think I’d be happy with, “Because your stepmother is giving me earache about it.”

Aye it’s shit family blending isn’t it. Op made shitty choices thinking she was getting herself and sons a golden goose.

Despite him paying 70% of everything and the majority of a new nicer bigger home it’s still not enough though.

Chap sounds like a great dad to his daughter.

If ops children feel shit because of different gifts that’s on her for blending with a rich man.

I personally would find the levels of materialism and indulgence a bit crass and it is not something I would be comfortable with or would want to be around. And I especially dont like the 'princess' aspect of fathers over spolling their daughters, it's just a very gendered dynamic that for some reason, no doubt deep in my psyche, gives me the ick. I would have zero interest in living in that world. But it seems OP in your case that you ARE largely happy for you and your children to live what is a very privileged life by any measure,, which is partly funded by what is clearly a ruch man so I'm afraid you don't really get to turn your nose up at the parts of that you don't like and you especially don't get to complain that more of that isn't coming your sons way. He is already probably in the top 10% in terms of luck, money etc so you and he should count yourselves very lucky indeed. Maybe when he's studying history he'll gain and share the kind of perspective you seem to be lacking.

I doubt that’s it. Even if he hasn’t protected his assets prior to remarrying, and I strongly suspect he has, it’s a relatively short marriage with established separate finances and no joint children. OP would be unlikely to walk away with any more than she came in with.