DH is spoiling his adult daughter

Personally I would chat to him about maybe getting her to put a bit of her wages aside in a savings account each month so it's not all just fun money, maybe £200/300 just to learn a bit about the benefits of saving and work towards future independence.

In saying that on one side of my family a few of my cousins are very well off, had very nice cars bought for them at 17, designer clothes, top boarding schools and then lived in their parents city house while in Uni. We thought they'd be destroyed and spoilt but to be honest they are now incredibly hard working, high earners like their parents (very jealous of their lifestyles but they work hard and smart). My uncle did teach them about the value of money and they saw how hard he worked for it so I think while they didn't have the part time jobs or have to save they had a good example at home which they followed once they qualified. They are actually really nice adults. Two of my friends are the same, the most "spoilt" in our group in Uni and now the highest earners.

It sounds like she is embarking on a high earning career I think she will probably end up like your partner, work hard and enjoy spending it!

Also the bathroom thing should never have been a dispute - two boys, one girl - the girl gets their own bathroom!!

Would he want a job? You can’t really complain she is making money and has more of it whilst you’re saying you don’t want him to work. Your only other options are to give him money from your personal account or accept he’s not working so gets a limited amount. YABU to think it’s unfair your DH gives his DD extra just because you can’t afford the same

And moreover it’s exactly what OP’s stepdaughter is doing - a full time job and studying.

I mean if you call your husband’s daughter “a little spoilt princess” then people are going to assume you’re resentful.
The Op was in control of her own words.

His money so he can do what he likes, but he's on track to have her expecting this for life as she sounds very spoiled.

@TopshopCropTop to be fair it is not minimum wage for an 18 year old, it is significantly above that.

Plenty of people manage 20+hrs a week at a job and studying at University. My sister did it. I did it (years ago), my niece is doing it. It’s not hard - it just takes motivation and a desire not to be a sponge.

Yes I do see this side also, like I said I don’t have the answers but the way the women have jumped on this mum saying I think your resentful of the daughter..jeez honestly. As I said it’s like tattle on here !!

I agree. I had to check the original post again to see if the couple was married because of the “his daughter” references, not “my step daughter”. She clearly resents her, even though her son is able to live rent free and not work while studying. I think this is a good case of a dad who is still very involved and supportive in his daughter’s life. I am one of those MNetters who has no time for mediocre men so he should be given credit.

My daughter worked almost full time during her degree in a role where she was sometimes verbally abused. She has a good graduate job now, so it didn’t affect her studies.

The most staggering bit in all of this is that you think that the £24k this young woman is earning in a degree apprentice is an amazing amount of money. It’s minimum wage.

Where is your sons father in all of this?

Also if you want your son to have more money he should get a job while he’s at uni like tens of thousands of young people do every year. And as a recruiter believe you me you can tell the graduates that have never worked a day in their life before from a mile off. You’d be doing him the biggest favour possible by supporting him to work.

They have their phones, gym and travel to and from college paid for. That's more than most 16 and 18 year old's would get. Especially if they didn't want to even get a part time job while studying which both of them could easily do. The OP's boys must have a ton of free time that the DD doesnt have because she is working and studying.History degrees are not time consuming.

Right.. grabby 🙄

I didn’t say any of what you have assumed I just said this lady has come on here for advice and you’ve all jumped on her & quite viciously.

If you live together as a family then yes I believe if could be spread more equally but that doesn’t mean the daughter has to take a significant cut in her lifestyle, I agree that would be unfair. I said I have no answers here. Honestly do you not all have anything better to do than try to pick arguments !

Me too. He needs to end his relationship with the op before she gets her way and damages their relationship\

shes jealous of his daughter. It’s so awful

Wow op, a spoiled little princess Really? He can spend as he pleases on his child, you don’t get s say and you also don’t get to hurl insults at her as you’re envious.

He should really be doing it anyway to put something on his CV. A history degree isn’t automatically going to land you a lucrative job.

Are you not sure about that?

I have known two young people doing these degree apprenticeships for big city firms. They both worked their socks off, really long days in the office then hours of study on top. She’s earning that money, and won’t have much time for ‘fun’. Not sure when you think she shouldn’t get paid when she’s prob working 35 hours a week. Her dad is rightly proud of her; your spoiling is his treating. I’m quite sure that your son, who has his meals prepared, all household things looked after, can manage to fit a 15-20 hour job around his history studies.

Yes. It starts off as a 'DH is being unreasonable but sounds more like OP is jealous that her stepdaughter has a degree apprenticeship (which is extremely- difficult 4 days of work and basically doing a degree on a day release) and is earning what she thinks is an unreasonable amount of money. OP resents her having an en suite bedroom when she is the only female child. Poor girl. Her mother died 8 years ago, she gets moved to another country to be with her dads new wife and two teenage boys she barely knows, she works bloody hard to get a degree apprenticeship and has to put up with a stepmother who resents her. I cant imagine it isn't obvious to her. Maybe her dad feels guilty so is treating her. If I was the OP's DH, I'd be putting my (barely) adult daughter first and getting out of there.

You can have a different opinion all you want but it comes across quite grabby, as does the OP.
The man is already providing a house bigger than the OP could afford and contributing more to her kids from joint money than his own.
Him choosing to treat his own daughter with his left over money is irrelevant. OP’s children have two parents, this man isn’t one of them but is providing a lot for her sons already.

I feel it's his money his choice. If I were to pass and know it was going to happen I would ensure my only daughter had everything she would want or need in trusts , set aside for her only in the future. Perhaps this is what's going on here?

"his daughter is doing a degree apprenticeship in Wealth Planning at a private bank and is making 24k already which just seems bonkers to me but whatever"

You sound rather jealous of her path? "But whatever" is a bit undermining of her chosen path ... wealth management and private banking are more vocational than a history degree. She will be earning higher initially anyway!

Where's DS's DF in all of this?

She’s referred to him as DH throughout so where is the idea they’re not married coming from?

Not to that extent but there could be a bit more spreading it out and making the other children feeling like they aren’t being treated differently.

Sorry I don’t agree, I can have a differing opinion !

Maybe the boy could ask his own father? Whereas the girl doesn't actually have a mother just her father.

If the children had been small btw I would have thought more equitable treatment would be fair. But they are older teens, they haven’t been brought up with the idea that he’s taking a father figure role in their life. It would be different to me if they were 4/5 yrs.