DH is spoiling his adult daughter

I have two undergrad degrees, a masters and professional qualifications. I also have parents who left school with no qualifications at 14, so couldn't bank roll me. I worked, part time term time, full time in the holidays, often a day job and bar work on top. He has all of his needs meet, so if he wants more fun money 8-10 hours a week at McDonald's won't kill him.

No, given that that’s how OP’s family operates, along with many other blended families, it really is that simple if you want it to be.

If both of them were your children, would you give the uni child the same amount of money as the other child who's chosen a course of action, is earning? Because if you did that would be madness.

Expecting his daughter and your son to be funded the same way, is as ridiculous as the above scenario. They've chosen different routes.

And he can spend his money on her as he likes. These are children that only came together on their mid teens. You can't force equality here.

This!!!

It's your son who's spoiled! The daughter is working and earning her own money. Your son is not and not expected to. 🤷‍♀️

I think that blended family life Is not that simple, and that each parent has a connection on many levels with each teen in this blended family, and responsibilities do come along with these relationships.

This is sadly the reality for so many students. The gap is widening.

Can't yo give your DS more money
If he is on minimum loan you should be topping that up to the least the maximum loan
o

£24k doesn’t go far in London. If she’s working for a private bank she’ll stick out like a sore thumb if she doesn’t have a designer wardrobe, and she won’t be able to form good relationships with clients. It’s a different world from a humanities degree and that’s just the way things are. Your son doesn’t seem to have expressed an opinion — this is all you projecting.

Maybe the dd could give up her.job, be a student and be fully funded by her dad then.alls fair?..

And teach him jealousy isn't nice, definitely the thief of joy. Get a job, be grateful for the (excellent) parental help he's receiving financially and enjoy being a student

I don’t think the son is jealous, it’s the OP. She’s jealous of her motherless step daughter and the nice things her dad buys for her.

He’s responsible for his daughter, she’s responsible for her sons.

This already seemed unfair to me as she makes a lot of money while my son makes nothing.

Your DH's daughter getting paid £24k for holding down a job and studying at the same time while your poor DS chooses not to work and live on his student loan.

So 'unfair' 🙄

If you have separate finances, it's up to him what he spends on his daughter - and up to you what you think of it.

Separate to that...

Of course your son can get a job - loads of students have to work through uni to get by. What about students that are on a full time placement on top of their uni work... what about students who can't live rent free and have various other things paid for by parents. It's amazing that you can offer him that but of course he can support himself a bit too.
And teach him jealousy isn't nice, definitely the thief of joy. Get a job, be grateful for the (excellent) parental help he's receiving financially and enjoy being a student.

Full time degree courses are designed on the assumption that students do not in fact work — during term, at least. If the son is studying history he has massive amounts of reading to do, as well as seminars and possibly lectures. Then there will be assignments, possibly group work and presentations. One of the problems wil high rents and low student maintenance loans is that many students are actually not keeping up with their academic work.

Let him treat his motherless daughter how he wants with his own money. Just cos you can't do it for your kids, that's not his fault.

I hope she doesn't pick up on your resentment in the home. Leave them to it, if it bothers you so much then separate and you take your money and he can take his. Or shut up.

Sure, they are jointly responsible

Kindly, it's all part of growing up to work and fund yourself during studies. It's actually good practice to learn how to balance this.

OP isn’t a criminal, but she’s calling her motherless step daughter a “spoilt princess” because her DH buys his daughter nice things and because her step daughter works and earns more than the OP’s son, who doesn’t work.

i can’t imagine losing a parent at 10 or not being there for my daughters as they go through puberty and growing up.

What is the step daughter getting out of this relationship, so you think?

The children are currently 16 and 18, not adults. Parents bought home together a few years ago for one family unit. They have blended two families. It's a typical blended family with all the resentment and uncomfortableness that goes with it.

Still blended, regardless of age they find themselves relocated due to their parents joint decision

Or , you can call it montage family

What a stupid comment 🙄.

And she’s responsible for the decision she made and the impact that had/will have. She’s also responsible for managing her own expectations as well as those of her children.

Still a blended family, they came together when kids were teens. If you want you can call it a blended teen family then a blended young adult family but still blended family. Anyhoo family shmamily , blended or nought, there is alway shit to deal with.

I don’t understand why the aggro on this thread
OP isn’t a criminal for struggling with the differences between the two families within the same household they find themselves in. OP is also not a criminal for her partner and her joint decision to relocate. It impacted all three children not just her husband’s

It’s not a blended family. It’s exactly what @5475878237NC said.

I hope his will protects he is daughter from you.