DH is spoiling his adult daughter

Full time degrees are not designed on the assumption that students don’t work. Many student unions will be students to find employment!
A history degree has about 8 hours combined of lectures and seminar time a week. There is more than enough time for a student to work 8-12 hours during the rest of the week including the weekend.
Humanities also have numerous reading weeks where they have no contact time at all.

The daughter is earning her own money. Unlike the OP's son...

Agree. There is no way is OP was the higher earner, who put in more money into purchasing the home outright (with the deal to only get 50% of the equity) and she had 1 child to her DH’s, she would never be told to spend less on her child so she can top up here DH’s teenagers when she was already providing so much for them from the joint account!

Good for you. Still doesn’t mean it’s how the system was designed in terms of the degree. Or that everyone should do the same. Plus I was responding to a general comment. As far as we know, the OP’s son isn’t complaining. It’s just the OP.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Sorry OP all you will get is hate as you’re a second wife and a stepmum so you can’t do anything right.

No, I don’t think it’s right to spoil an adult to this extent - let her earn her own money. Nor is it great that you look bad for not being able to do the same with your children.

But there’s probably little you can do. You can vent about it though. And some people on here seem to equate money with love.

If my other half loved is adult daughter this much, I would love him even more for it.

It's not really any of your business and by the sounds of it you're going to have to deal with these feelings because it sounds like she's going to have a very nice life. She's in a good position, studying, earning her own money and getting vital work experience. Your DS doesn't work or earn and god knows what he's going to do with a history degree, may be interesting but not overly relevant for most jobs. Your children's choices shouldn't hold this girl back.

Is she a spoilt brat? You've not given any indication of her behaviour, just the things she owns. I'm not well off but friends are, their kids live amazing lives but are lovely kids.

Eh? He’s the higher earner, they’ve bought a joint home and there’s absolutely nothing in the OP that suggests an 18 year old who lost her mum some years ago is ‘up her own ass’.
You, my dear, sound hateful.

If he can comfortably afford it then why not? Sorry OP but you sound jealous.

I was being facetious, of course the dd is doing amazing!

From my point of view, your son is spoilt too, with everything you give him, and he still has a mum who is alive

Life isn't fair, and there's no way to make it fair. Your son has his Mum, his daughter has money. I wonder which she would choose, if she were able to?

Agree. If I had died before my children were fully independent I would expect their father to spend my money and assets on our children. Not the kids of some random woman who was sniffing around my husband before I died.

Hmmm I notice that the OP hasn't returned. I'm not sure how she thought this thread would go.

Wow you are absolutely nobody to be dictating how he spends on his child. The audacity of you to have any sort of feelings over this. Boo for your son, that has nothing to do with you and his life with his child. Good for her for earning good money at her age. You are absolutely no one in her life to be having any thoughts and feeling about this situation

If the daughter is hard-working and goes into private banking she will be set up for life. Sounds as though she's already pretty on the ball in terms of what she wants to achieve, and is doing it.

Its amazing this works when a man earns a lot more than a woman then it becomes 'family money' when it is the other way round it is 'you need to protect your assets'

This is so ridiculous and you just sound bitter you can’t afford to spend the same on your son.

Tell your son to get a job? I did a history degree too and I worked all throughout uni and I still managed to get a 1st.

What your partner does with his money is literally up to him seeing as you keep finances separate.

Also - they aren’t ‘children’. They’re adults. It’s not the same as having two 5 year olds living at home and treating them equally.

But why would she want to do that? She's working, earning and learning. This approach should be applauded.

My thoughts exactly @BIossomtoes . My arts degree I was in about 8 hours a week in first year . Dh doing a humanities degree now and has 9 contact hours a week. I will say he does study outwith that which I did not but he also works 12 hours a week

Agree with the general consensus that it's none of your business.

I'm curious though, as you have seperate finances, why are you paying for the children's expenses from the joint account? And does that mean your second child also has expenses paid for from that account (or at least will when they're older)? If so, sounds like he is being generous here in contributing for two childrenwhen he only has one.

Seems more sensible to me to pay only joint expenses from the joint account (house bills, maintenance and food), while each parent is responsible for paying for their own children in any way they choose without causing resentment

Not very many I suspect, I had eight hours a week contact time for an English degree back in the dark ages, all humanities degrees were about the same. And he also has very long vacations. When I was a student I worked in vacations to pay off my overdraft. OP’s stepdaughter is working full time and studying for a degree

If they want the kids to be equal the lad could get a job like thousands of other students but OP doesn’t want him to. doesn't sound like equal sums of money were put in to the house neither. it is all relative.

Your son is doing History degree - how many actual contact hours does he have?

Maybe some of the money he has was inherited from his late wife and he is spending a proportion of that on their dd. That’s what his late wife would have wanted, and not for it to be used on someone else’s children.