Page 6 | Boyfriend lives with me and my kids but is hardly ever here. I genuinely don't know if I'm right or wrong.

TheKhakiBee · 2024-10-25T17:46:42+00:00

Hi all. My boyfriend moved in with us about 4 months ago. Everything was fine until then but since he's lived here the dynamic feels so off and I genuinely do not know what to think. I have three girls from a previous relationship. He isn't working at the moment. He gets up about 11 most days and goes straight out. He spends 2 or 3 hours at the gym/swim/sauna and helps his dad with some work he's having done (house move, alot to be done). He then might go to the pub or out for food etc. I would say most nights he's back about 7.30/8ish - later if he goes to the pub (once the pub shuts). He will also go out at the weekends drinking. If he then came home and was present with us I don't think it would be an issue, but he comes in, makes food, takes it upstairs and eats and then stays upstairs all night, watching films etc. He won't come and spend time with us. He does cook tea sometimes but again he cooks and then takes his upstairs. I've asked him to spend more time with us, he doesn't want to. He says I want too much of his time, he doesn't like to have to plan things, he wants to just 'do him' but he doesn't want to break up? He says he's not got kids yet so doesn't want to settle down as if he has - he doesn't want to be 'boring'. I said that fine, but then you shouldn't have got into a committed, cohabiting relationship with someone with children? I want a family. Any advice please. To not drip feed - he went through a very serious assault (home invasion) and hasn't worked since. I believe he has undiagnosed PTSD/depression. I don't hold this against him at all and we're not massively struggling financially I just wish he was present.

thesunisastar · 25/10/2024 19:46

This is an absolutely appalling relationship to be modelling to your daughters. Get rid.

Differentstarts · 25/10/2024 19:45

Are you a lot older and don't get much attention from men or something because your coming across really desperate and throwing your kids under the bus in the process. If you don't want to split up with your boyfriend. What about giving your daughters dad more custody time so that they have a chance of a more stable life and then you can do what you want

Penguinmouse · 25/10/2024 19:45

I had some sympathy reading about him being assaulted but actually, you need to get rid. Taking his food upstairs and not eating with you sounds like something a moody teenager would do, not a boyfriend!

TwistedWonder · 25/10/2024 19:45

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 25/10/2024 19:43

I feel lost for words after reading your updates.
If you choose this man you are putting him before the welfare of your children.

Unfortunately prioritising cock over kids is a bit of a theme on MN

Sia8899 · 25/10/2024 19:44

He isn’t your boyfriend, he’s your housemate. Does he contribute financially except for food? Does he do any chores around the house? Of course he has a great body - he has plenty of time to go to the gym! Obviously I don’t know him but this doesn’t sound like the life of someone who’s too depressed to work, it sounds like he’s having a pretty good time being unemployed! Being completely honest, is him being super hot the main reason you haven’t kicked him out already?? Your life would barely change if he wasn’t there

Snoken · 25/10/2024 19:44

I think the person who said you have shacked up with the local fuck boy is right. You have three daughters to bring up, don’t make them live in a home with this joke of a man. He might have women throwing themselves at him but he’s no catch. He’s an emotionally unintelligent fuck boy.

FuckMiniBabybells · 25/10/2024 19:44

He's a waste of space and you're a mug. Poor kids.

Wolframandhart · 25/10/2024 19:44

TheSnugHare · 25/10/2024 18:47

So I think a solution to this might be to sit down together and brain storm things you both like to do and then make a monthly/weekly schedule for every week, and stress the importance of having time together

Not sure the solution is to be his parent or manager. He role is partner and he has failed.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 25/10/2024 19:44

TheKhakiBee · 25/10/2024 19:36

This is gonna sound absolutely ridiculous I know, but this actually isn't true. Women (both with and without kids, old and young) are throwing themselves at him. That's not what he's told me and I've blindly believed or me exaggerating. I don't really get it but I if I try and figure it out my thought process looks like this. He's in his mid/late 20s, has a great body and is very attractive, lives in the biggest house in the area and so when he took people back their I guess it gave the impression of wealth or atleast financial security. He's charming. Superficially charming i mean. Everyone who knows him as a friend or acquaintance loves him. He's masculine in his demeanour and behaviour. As crazy as this is there are atleast 3 women I know of who have his name tattooed on them - women he has never officially been in a relationship with. I actually think it's the opposite of love bombing. It's a 'give a little bit of attention and then pull back' thing and he has mastered the art of it.

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So hes sexy op?? If he's sexy, sleep with him?

He's still a cocklodger as others have said.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 25/10/2024 19:43

I feel lost for words after reading your updates.
If you choose this man you are putting him before the welfare of your children.

MadinMarch · 25/10/2024 19:42

lemonyfox · 25/10/2024 18:49

Sounds more like a lodger

Sounds more like a Cocklodger...

NettleTea · 25/10/2024 19:42

TheKhakiBee · 25/10/2024 19:36

This is gonna sound absolutely ridiculous I know, but this actually isn't true. Women (both with and without kids, old and young) are throwing themselves at him. That's not what he's told me and I've blindly believed or me exaggerating. I don't really get it but I if I try and figure it out my thought process looks like this. He's in his mid/late 20s, has a great body and is very attractive, lives in the biggest house in the area and so when he took people back their I guess it gave the impression of wealth or atleast financial security. He's charming. Superficially charming i mean. Everyone who knows him as a friend or acquaintance loves him. He's masculine in his demeanour and behaviour. As crazy as this is there are atleast 3 women I know of who have his name tattooed on them - women he has never officially been in a relationship with. I actually think it's the opposite of love bombing. It's a 'give a little bit of attention and then pull back' thing and he has mastered the art of it.

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A great body, charm, and a false illusion of gradeur will only take you so far. He sounds like all those shitty alpha influencers.

He is not actually a man though is he, maybe he is bigging himself for 'taking on' your daughters. But he might be talking the masculine talk, but he isnt walking the walk, because thats all about supporting and providing.

He's a kid. And like others I expect his dad was telling him to start growing up, getting his life together and pulling his weight

Bumblebeestiltskin · 25/10/2024 19:42

Send the useless twat back to his dad's, you and your children shouldn't have to be putting up with this. What was your relationship like before you moved in? I find this incredibly weird behaviour, and, no, not all men are like this, which I'm sure you know.

Superhansrantowindsor · 25/10/2024 19:42

This sounds like the relationship of a couple of teens. Are you really that desperate for a partner that you will put up with this?

Savingthehedgehogs · 25/10/2024 19:41

It is staggering that he eats upstairs and doesn’t want a family! Op get rid.

Thommasina · 25/10/2024 19:40

TheKhakiBee · 25/10/2024 19:36

This is gonna sound absolutely ridiculous I know, but this actually isn't true. Women (both with and without kids, old and young) are throwing themselves at him. That's not what he's told me and I've blindly believed or me exaggerating. I don't really get it but I if I try and figure it out my thought process looks like this. He's in his mid/late 20s, has a great body and is very attractive, lives in the biggest house in the area and so when he took people back their I guess it gave the impression of wealth or atleast financial security. He's charming. Superficially charming i mean. Everyone who knows him as a friend or acquaintance loves him. He's masculine in his demeanour and behaviour. As crazy as this is there are atleast 3 women I know of who have his name tattooed on them - women he has never officially been in a relationship with. I actually think it's the opposite of love bombing. It's a 'give a little bit of attention and then pull back' thing and he has mastered the art of it.

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Oh give over.

Frazzled2108 · 25/10/2024 19:40

Sorry OP, but this is a ridiculous situation. This isn't a relationship. Your poor kids. I would get rid of him, he sounds like a right twat.

MilletOver · 25/10/2024 19:40

So his Dad is moving from the nice big house he could be living in.

Hence he moved to yours.

Taking his food to eat alone is really turning his back on any communal living.

Since he seems so sure about what men do, and that is how he wants to live, I suggest he goes back to his men’s den with his Dad.

He clearly has no difficulty socialising at the pub. Just with you.

How dare he call you ‘needy’ when you cover all his living costs above £250 a month.

Ithinkitsimpressive · 25/10/2024 19:40

TheKhakiBee · 25/10/2024 19:36

This is gonna sound absolutely ridiculous I know, but this actually isn't true. Women (both with and without kids, old and young) are throwing themselves at him. That's not what he's told me and I've blindly believed or me exaggerating. I don't really get it but I if I try and figure it out my thought process looks like this. He's in his mid/late 20s, has a great body and is very attractive, lives in the biggest house in the area and so when he took people back their I guess it gave the impression of wealth or atleast financial security. He's charming. Superficially charming i mean. Everyone who knows him as a friend or acquaintance loves him. He's masculine in his demeanour and behaviour. As crazy as this is there are atleast 3 women I know of who have his name tattooed on them - women he has never officially been in a relationship with. I actually think it's the opposite of love bombing. It's a 'give a little bit of attention and then pull back' thing and he has mastered the art of it.

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But so fucking what??? If other women find him so irresistible they can find his life style and put up with his nonsense

come on! You’ve got children - you know they and you deserve better!

TwistedWonder · 25/10/2024 19:40

So you’ve shacked up with the local narcissistic fuckboy who is treating like like shit knowing if you won’t tolerate it he can find another star struck mug?

And ate you sure all this time he’s out the house he’s not playing around?

Take him off that pedestal and kick his cocklodging arse into touch.

Every single post is telling you the reality and yet you seem to be ignoring what’s in front of your eyes and updating us all with why he’s so wonderful.

Honestly his dick must be solid platinum and ejaculates champagne for you to still defend him

Errors · 25/10/2024 19:39

TheKhakiBee · 25/10/2024 19:36

This is gonna sound absolutely ridiculous I know, but this actually isn't true. Women (both with and without kids, old and young) are throwing themselves at him. That's not what he's told me and I've blindly believed or me exaggerating. I don't really get it but I if I try and figure it out my thought process looks like this. He's in his mid/late 20s, has a great body and is very attractive, lives in the biggest house in the area and so when he took people back their I guess it gave the impression of wealth or atleast financial security. He's charming. Superficially charming i mean. Everyone who knows him as a friend or acquaintance loves him. He's masculine in his demeanour and behaviour. As crazy as this is there are atleast 3 women I know of who have his name tattooed on them - women he has never officially been in a relationship with. I actually think it's the opposite of love bombing. It's a 'give a little bit of attention and then pull back' thing and he has mastered the art of it.

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So he is a manipulative fucker as well by the sounds of it.
Also, your update is about HIM
You haven’t mentioned at all anything about how your kids feel about this or how old they are?!

Justsayit123 · 25/10/2024 19:38

It doesn’t matter what he looks like! He’s a cocklodging loser. Tell him to go off with someone else.

Differentstarts · 25/10/2024 19:38

Before you had kids you can make all the bad decisions you want and screw your own life as much as you want. But as a mother you have a responsibility to put your children first and your not doing this. No wonder why so many people are so screwed up being raised like this

Pessismistic · 25/10/2024 19:37

He obviously doesn't want to play dad maybe he should go back to his dad's and you just date. No point having a guy living with you but acting like a teenager in his room all the time it's not fair on your kids.

TopshopCropTop · 25/10/2024 19:36

TheKhakiBee · 25/10/2024 19:36

This is gonna sound absolutely ridiculous I know, but this actually isn't true. Women (both with and without kids, old and young) are throwing themselves at him. That's not what he's told me and I've blindly believed or me exaggerating. I don't really get it but I if I try and figure it out my thought process looks like this. He's in his mid/late 20s, has a great body and is very attractive, lives in the biggest house in the area and so when he took people back their I guess it gave the impression of wealth or atleast financial security. He's charming. Superficially charming i mean. Everyone who knows him as a friend or acquaintance loves him. He's masculine in his demeanour and behaviour. As crazy as this is there are atleast 3 women I know of who have his name tattooed on them - women he has never officially been in a relationship with. I actually think it's the opposite of love bombing. It's a 'give a little bit of attention and then pull back' thing and he has mastered the art of it.

Show quote history

Let someone else get taken for a ride then. You’ve got 3 kids to be thinking about.