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Original poster

To be concerned about DD (18)?

81 replies

namechangemumofteen · 25/10/2024 18:27

I promise I'm a regular poster - name changed for this. Please feel free to ask MN to verify. I need some advice as I'm worried sick.

My daughter has just turned 18 recently and I'm a bit concerned about some of her attitudes towards sex. She has just started seeing someone new (known him literally a matter of weeks, a month tops), he's the same age, she told me they'd slept together on their second date and that she hadn't used protection. She says this is fine because she's on the pill. Obviously I've explained why it's actually not fine and she needs to protect herself from more than just pregnancy. Her response was "he's only slept with 6 people so it's fine". I pointed out that obviously it's irrelevant how many he's slept with and the point is she could have been exposing herself to STIs etc. She just seems really naive about it all and unconcerned. I said she should really get herself a sexual health clinic appointment, her response was "that's embarrassing I'm not doing that". Again, I explained that there's nothing embarrassing about looking after one's sexual health.

She just seems really naive to it all and I'm worried she's taking silly risks with her sexual health (and also risking pregnancy).

I know she's an adult (only just), but ultimately she's an adult who still lives in my home without the financial means to support herself (she's studying A levels at college), and so any mistakes she makes now are going to become my problem by default, aren't they. I'd never turn my back on my 18 year old daughter if she found herself pregnant and needing support (whichever decision she made regarding a hypothetical baby), so ultimately I'll have to mop this up. I feel therefore she needs to listen to my guidance and my views on it, but then I'm acutely aware she's legally an adult making her own decisions.

Is this just how it is now? Having to step back and watch her take silly risks and just pray and hope for the best while she ignores my advice?

Please be kind. I'm brand new to parenting a young adult and I'm struggling. I want to wrap my baby girl up and protect her from these mistakes but, I can't can I?

Any advice from anyone who's been there? 😕

OP posts:
Allthehorsesintheworld · 25/10/2024 18:36

I’d put condoms in her room. And some leaflets on STIs and the risk of HIV and HPV viruses.

Original poster
namechangemumofteen · 25/10/2024 18:36

@Motnight
yes, I'd agree with that! She was definitely more mature around 15-16 ish than now.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangemumofteen · 25/10/2024 18:34

@BobbyBiscuits
Thanks, that's good advice. It's just so hard watching it unfold. I want to fast forward her maturity level by about a decade so we are through this silly risk taking phase!

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 25/10/2024 18:33

You can't force her to go to an STD clinic if she has no symptoms. Not many people would want to do that on their mother's say so.
You've said your piece about condoms being important. She's on the pill and her contraception choices really are her own. It's good she's using contraception.
If you want to, you could just buy her some and say just keep them in your room/on you for emergencies. Or just leave them in a bathroom cupboard. If she chooses to use them or not then at least you've tried.
I wouldn't let it worry you too much as there's not much else you can do but suggest and support, and respect her privacy.

Original poster
namechangemumofteen · 25/10/2024 18:32

I meant to add, she said her boyfriend has been "meaning to get some condoms" but then just ... didn't? I said I'd buy her some, she said no it's fine, he will get them. Part of me is now wondering if he's putting pressure on her not to use them?!

OP posts:
Motnight · 25/10/2024 18:31

Your DD is certainly being naive, Op.

But you've explained your concerns. I think that she does need to make her own mistakes. It's extremely frustrating watching your young adult child making decisions that you don't understand. I honestly think that my DD was more sensible at 13 than between the ages of 15 and 20! Good luck!