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AIBU?

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Original poster

Three's a crowd

141 replies

Threesacrowd12 · 25/10/2024 16:58

What would you do.

Free music event in town. Going with another couple. We are all in our 50's.

Mentioned in passing to elderly mother, plans for the weekend. Said she might go with her friend. No problem

Next time we speak, wants to know what time we are going, mentions her friend not available and it suddenly dawns on me she thinks she is meeting us there.

Nearly eighty, no mobility so has a stroller, needs to sit away from music, lots of demands.

Try explaining that we are going with another couple, gets shitty about not supporting her.

Don't feel comfortable about mum tagging along, husband says he isn't going, changes the dynamics of the group (only 4 of us) and I can't see the other couple being too pleased about me bringing my mum (one of them knows her, the partner doesn't)

Apart from not going I see no other option

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 25/10/2024 17:27

Your mum is not part of your party. Remind her.

It's not about her being older or disabled, it's about her not being invited.

Quitelikeit · 25/10/2024 17:26

🤣🤣🤣🤣

oh god no idea - just take her along bless

DollopOfFun · 25/10/2024 17:26

'Next time mum, we've made arrangements already for this one'.

Autumn38 · 25/10/2024 17:25

OP you planned a night out with a particular group of people. You mum was not invited on this occasion. You can plan something else with her.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 25/10/2024 17:25

Your dm is a grown up. You aren't responsible for her social life surely?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 25/10/2024 17:24

You could say that you want to spend some time with these friends and they like to be near the band so not this time.

Autumn38 · 25/10/2024 17:24

Boxblue · 25/10/2024 17:22

I can't imagine not taking my mum on that situation. I'd have invited her and her friend to join us as soon as I heard they were interested, and if my friends had an problem with it, I'd be having second thoughts about the friends, but they wouldn't.

Do you not include disabled peole your own agbecuaause it takes a bit of effort to accommodate their needs too?

The friend can’t come. So it would be OP’s DH out for a nice night out with his wife and friends. Oh, and his elderly and immobile MIL.

would we really all be ok with that?!

Autumn38 · 25/10/2024 17:23

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 17:11

Take her along and don't be such a dickhead.

Are you joking?! I’d be so pissed off if I planned to go to a gig with another couple and one of their elderly mothers with no mobility came along!

Boxblue · 25/10/2024 17:22

I can't imagine not taking my mum on that situation. I'd have invited her and her friend to join us as soon as I heard they were interested, and if my friends had an problem with it, I'd be having second thoughts about the friends, but they wouldn't.

Do you not include disabled peole your own agbecuaause it takes a bit of effort to accommodate their needs too?

Stormyweatheroutthere · 25/10/2024 17:21

Just say your friends have plans to sit in the noisey area with you so it won't be her type of night..
Can't imagine you or your friends would enjoy the night the way dm wants it to be...

Original poster
Threesacrowd12 · 25/10/2024 17:20

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 17:11

Take her along and don't be such a dickhead.

My mum is involved with a lots of things me ans my husband do. He tolerates his MIL being involved but on this occasion I want to go out with my friends and had arranged to. It doesn't happen very often.
I don't want to feel on egg shells looking after my mum who has invited herself and no matter how much I love her, is a serial complainer.

OP posts:
IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 17:11

Take her along and don't be such a dickhead.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 25/10/2024 17:10

Beryls · 25/10/2024 17:05

I'd take her along. Why would other people be unhappy that she's there? I don't think it would bother me if a friend's mum came. I'd feel mean if I didn't (even if I really didn't want to) you don't know how many of these things she has left.

Because she has no mobility, needs to be away from the music, OP won't be able to enjoy herself whilst being a carer for her mum...who wasn't invited

Snugglemonkey · 25/10/2024 17:08

I would just say she can't come because you already have arrangements.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 25/10/2024 17:08

Just say that you're going with others and want to spend time with them enjoying the music, could you offer to take her another time?

Beryls · 25/10/2024 17:05

I'd take her along. Why would other people be unhappy that she's there? I don't think it would bother me if a friend's mum came. I'd feel mean if I didn't (even if I really didn't want to) you don't know how many of these things she has left.

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