Three's a crowd

Good lord, just tell her no. She's incredibly rude to gate crash your social time with your friends.

I am disabled and often need help/support to attend events and if the person i'd planned to go with suddenly couldn't, there is absolutely NO WAY i'd crash someone elses party.

I think some of these posts are winding you up Op!!!

Ofc you can’t take your elderly, disabled mother who can’t be near loud music to a gig with your friends - end of! It will ruin your night. Just offer to do something together in a few weeks.

Sorry OP, I have to giggle trying to picture this. It's a Sicknote gig, right?!

I’d tell her your friends have chosen places / seats/ to stand very near the music , you can’t change that so it’ll be too loud for her. But you’d love to take her to X in a couple of weeks time.

Stop telling her where you're going, she doesn't need to know and be involved in everything you do. It's so weird to me that people are telling you you need to take her because one day she'll be dead. What a horrible way to guilt trip someone.

Your mum needs to be put on an information diet. If she dosen't know your plans, she can't invite herself along.

This.

Different circumstances in different families.
I would definitely not take mine.
My parents were dickheads, you are just lucky.

You’d have been better saying it was your husband’s mother OP. I suspect the enthusiastic proponents of uninvited elderly female guests to nights out would have been rather fewer in number and less vocal.

I’d try this. Tell her it’s a long awaited date night with DH and your friends but you will gladly arrange to take her somewhere else that week - theatre / cinema wherever she wants. Or is there a day time bit where you could take her for an hour and then drop her home before meeting friends??

You’re the dickhead. Can’t stand people like you. Posting contrary views believing you’re witty and alternative. Pathetic. Fuck off.

People here are being so odd, obviously tell her you’re going with other people

Absolutely not! I wouldn't take her. You'd already made plans with your friends and she wasn't invited! It will completely change the dynamic and what you can do on the day.

Tell her you aren't taking her to that, but you can make plans to go to something else together. Maybe something more suitable if she needs to be away from loud music!

I would take her. Surely the other couple couldn't begrudge an elderly lady wanting a nice day out? It's not just young people that can enjoy themselves at these events. I guess you could ask another of her friends/slightly older family member if they want to come to keep her company?
Or just bring a folding camping chair and picnic blanket and just try and enjoy it.

You shouldn't have to. I'm amazed that so many posters would apparently be delighted to have their elderly mums tag along to everything - all the time. I wonder if their husbands are so thrilled. Of course you want a social life beyond your mother. Who on god's earth spends their life joined at the hip with their parents? A woman should be able to have a break without being cast as the bitch from hell.

Say you can't because of other arrangements but offer something for her since we can't bring you to this we thought we would take you out for Sunday lunch next week

Being disabled is not a reason to gatecrash a party you were not invited to.

Ofgs. I don’t tag along with my daughter and her mates. I like them very much and we have a great relationship-but I definitely don’t want to cramp their style. I want my dd to enjoy herself. The OP clearly cares for her mother and is happy to be her companion-just not on the night when she’s arranged something else. Tbh, I’m surprised the mother is even making it a thing.

So, just to recap, demanding serial complainer with limited mobility who needs to sit away from music wants to tag along with her daughter’s foursome to a music event, and has a strop at the possibility of refusal? WHY? None of this sounds reasonable.

She must lack self awareness to invite herself like that and emotionally blackmail you when she doesn't get her own way. She is elderly but that doesn't mean she can invite herself to your social events and be shitty when you politely refuse. Bringing your mum along who doesn't know everyone in the group massively changes the dynamic, it wasn't in the plan to be her carer for the evening.

Op, you sound like a really lovely person. Of course you're allowed to live your own life, you don't have to take your mum everywhere.

Ignore all those bullshit posts saying you're disablist etc.... You've dealt with accommodating others plenty, look after yourself too!

I would be pissed off to be honest. Long hard week at work, want to let my hair down, few drinks, live music, chat with friends and your mate brings her immobile 80 year old Mother? WTF?!

I would act completely different around my friends parents. I wouldn’t swear, I would talk about the same things, I’d feel obliged to make pleasant chit-chat.

I'd just say no it's a day out with friends.

I hate the emotional blackmail that elderly people could die soon so you must give into every demand or feel guilty forever.

Also, it may be the case for you and maybe the OP, but not everyone would give anything just to have a deceased relative back for 5 minutes.

I've just found life is better when you say yes, rather than seeing the down side of everything. Throw yourself into everything and it almost always turns out good.