Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell school DS is ill & go on holiday?

146 replies

ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 16:28

I know I am BU but I am so fed up of the education system that I don't really care. I'd more interested in if other parents do this or would do this.

DS is 9 and has special needs. He was treated terribly by his mainstream school and the LA and subsequently was left without ANY school at all for 2 whole years.

He has finally been placed in a specialist school and is getting on well.

I've booked a holiday for next year. Cannot afford school holiday time holidays at all and also wouldn't like to go on one then anyway as it's busier which would be too much for DS to handle anyway and make the time not enjoyable for him.

It means he will miss 3 days of school. I don't like having to lie to the school but I will as I cannot afford the fine.

I know he will likely go back the next week and talk about his holiday so they will likely know he wasn't ill but what can parents do who cannot afford holiday hike prices?

I know holidays are a luxury but families deserve to spend quality time together and my DS has had a very difficult few years and has missed out on a lot due to being excluded from schools.

Before the new rules I would have asked for it to be authorised due to him having special needs and needing to go at a quieter time but it doesn't sound like any of this will be authorised any more.

Does anyone else phone in sick for their children to be able to go on holidays? I'm sure people must do.

Personally for me I don't feel the reason of "it affects their education" matters as the LA weren't bothered about that when they left him without a school for 2 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 18:41

It's not until half way through next year, do people ask for permission this early or wait until nearer the time?

OP posts:
AGoingConcern · 25/10/2024 18:39

Presuming this 3 days is a rarity and he doesn’t have other attendance issues, take the holiday.

But don’t lie. Don’t let your child see you lie, don’t ask him to lie, and don't put him in a position where he might feel like he needs to go along with a lie. The school will likely find out anyways, so don’t spoil a the parent-school partnership by lying. Tell the head & applicable teachers your plan and why. The absences may well end up being unauthorized but unless your DS misses more unauthorized days close to the holiday you shouldn’t be fined, and the head may approve the holiday as an exceptional circumstance (but they can only do this if you ask in advance).

KenIsAnAccessory · 25/10/2024 18:39

ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 18:05

Okay so a lot of people saying I won't get fined for the 3 days so that's made me reconsider and think I may just tell the school and state the reasons for a term time holiday.

I didn't want to say too much as don't want to be identifiable but to those saying if I can afford the holiday I can afford the fine... the holiday is actually funded by a charity for special needs children due to my DS's struggles in the last couple of years. The provided a set amount and we have booked to go to a caravan park as its all it'll cover.
I don't have the money for holidays otherwise! Although I will take the advise to set aside an amount every month to cover the fine if I do get it.

I'm still unsure whether it's £80 or £160 as DH is here too.

What i wanted from the thread was to know if I was alone in my way of thinking which clearly I am! I thought more people would feel and do the same regarding term time holidays.

I wouldn't have told my DS to lie. I wouldn't have said anything about it to him leading up to it until the day before and then would have just expected him to either talk about it or not the following week at school. If it's true that they would change it to unauthorised afterwards then I may as well just tell the truth.

I just wanted to avoid the fine as £160 is a lot for us.

You really aren't in your own op, you're just getting a certain slice of society commenting here. Lots of people I know do this, I haven't in the past but I didn't judge them, and I'm taking mine out for 3 days in December for a once in a lifetime experience we couldn't schedule at any other time due to work stuff. No regrets and no shame.

Original poster
ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 18:36

Someone said they highly doubt it's a cheap holiday. 🤣 It most certainly is. Cheapest grade caravan at a site as that's what the funding covered. It's what we are happy with as well. The happy memories are important to us. If I was taking him out all of the time I can understand he'd be missing a lot but I don't feel 3 days is going to be the end of the world for him. It would be the only time as well as I can't afford to do it again!

OP posts:
Ratfinkstinkypink · 25/10/2024 18:33

Be honest. Our specialist school is still authorising things like this and being off school in order to access respite breaks as they realise how difficult things can be for families like ours.

141mum · 25/10/2024 18:31

ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 16:42

Personally I think missing 3 days of school a year to have much needed bonding time with family is fine. I fought the LA for years and have concluded they don't really care about the child's education as evidenced by the way they treated DS. I feel that the fines are just another way to extract money from people. If it was about the impact on a child's education then they would apply to private schools as well.

I don't like having to lie to the school as it's not them who have made the rules but I don't have the money for extra fines. I'll never have enough money to go away in school holidays nor would I be able to due to DS's needs.

I'm just wondering if other people feel the same way and also phone in sick or if people stick to the rules and only do holidays during school holidays.

I did it, I think family time is important, 3 days in a year is fine.
i got fined but hey ho. There was absolutely no way we could go in the holidays,ever, due to the fact husband work is in schools and can only be carried out in the school holidays
enjoy

Debinaround · 25/10/2024 18:31

Bubbles332 · 25/10/2024 18:08

I am a teacher and I wish I didn't have to pay a premium for holidays in holiday time.

Why do people say this? Teaching isn't a job that one usually falls into by mistake, you know that you have to work Monday to Friday term time. It's not a shock, it shouldn't be anyway.

You want to not pay a premium to take your kids away? Get yourself a job in Retail, I have done it myself. You can't get time off at Christmas, Easter, have to share the holidays with other working parents that would also like the school holidays off so it's not a given that you will get the same time as your kids.

But you get minimum wage, irregular shifts, rota 3 days in advance...🙄

Tumbleweed101 · 25/10/2024 18:30

I don't blame you for feeling how you do. I've not taken my children out in term time but have often felt tempted to when we haven't ever been able to afford a holiday in school holidays. We've just done day trips locally.

Kitkat1523 · 25/10/2024 18:28

ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 16:54

Would the fine for 2 parents and one child be £160?

There won’t be any fine for 3 days….request the leave by email….they willl put it down as unauthorised ……and that’s it

Sirzy · 25/10/2024 18:24

I work in a primary school and plenty lie when going away - we always find out! Friends are great at saying “Fred’s not ill he is in Spain” when the register is done

sunshine237 · 25/10/2024 18:21

'Does anyone else phone in sick for their children to be able to go on holidays? I'm sure people must do.'

Yes we do. 2 days usually, just before half term. I am quite sure the teachers don't mind (child is on target) and I think they actually prefer it than being asked to do something they can't agree to.

SunshineAndFizz · 25/10/2024 18:19

Meh I say go on holiday.

You'll all remember the fond holiday memories in decades to come. No one will remember he missed 3 days of school.

ToNiceWithSpice · 25/10/2024 18:16

My friends child goes to a sn school and thet don't issue fines for holidays

You won't get a fine for 3 days though

Snowpatrolling · 25/10/2024 18:16

My daughter was in a similar situation having missed 2 years and then finally found a specialist provision. I was truthful, they knew what we had been through and didn’t bat an eyelid! They told us have a nice time and even bought her home early for me the day before so she could pack and get an early night. Didn’t get a fine or anything.

Garlicnaan · 25/10/2024 18:15

ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 18:05

Okay so a lot of people saying I won't get fined for the 3 days so that's made me reconsider and think I may just tell the school and state the reasons for a term time holiday.

I didn't want to say too much as don't want to be identifiable but to those saying if I can afford the holiday I can afford the fine... the holiday is actually funded by a charity for special needs children due to my DS's struggles in the last couple of years. The provided a set amount and we have booked to go to a caravan park as its all it'll cover.
I don't have the money for holidays otherwise! Although I will take the advise to set aside an amount every month to cover the fine if I do get it.

I'm still unsure whether it's £80 or £160 as DH is here too.

What i wanted from the thread was to know if I was alone in my way of thinking which clearly I am! I thought more people would feel and do the same regarding term time holidays.

I wouldn't have told my DS to lie. I wouldn't have said anything about it to him leading up to it until the day before and then would have just expected him to either talk about it or not the following week at school. If it's true that they would change it to unauthorised afterwards then I may as well just tell the truth.

I just wanted to avoid the fine as £160 is a lot for us.

Loads of people to it. Especially since Covid. Based on your circumstances I'd do the same as you.

Garlicnaan · 25/10/2024 18:14

Motnight · 25/10/2024 16:42

Your ds deserves an education.

Yes he does - tell the LA that who left him without schooling for two years. Seriously, what the fuck.

Debinaround · 25/10/2024 18:08

Just ring the school and say he has the shits, 48 hour rule after the last episode. Have a lovely holiday and forget about school. It's great that so many on here have the money to take their kids away during the school holidays or that they can pay the fine but loads of people who would like to have the same opportunity but don't have the budget should also be able to take their kids away too.

As long as you aren't asking the teacher to sort out extra work for him then what's the problem? Go and have a great time.

Bubbles332 · 25/10/2024 18:08

I am a teacher and I wish I didn't have to pay a premium for holidays in holiday time.

Bluevelvetsofa · 25/10/2024 18:06

Please don’t lie. Your DS will probably spill the beans anyway.

Since it was so difficult to find a suitable placement for your child, I hope it doesn’t become a regular thing and that he benefits from the education he’s receiving now.

InformEducateEntertain · 25/10/2024 18:05

It's totally up to you whether you take him out or don't. It's up to you whether you tell the truth or not.

However there's a reason why schools/ LA are so hot on attendance. It is a safeguarding flag and it affects outcomes.

Original poster
ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 18:05

Okay so a lot of people saying I won't get fined for the 3 days so that's made me reconsider and think I may just tell the school and state the reasons for a term time holiday.

I didn't want to say too much as don't want to be identifiable but to those saying if I can afford the holiday I can afford the fine... the holiday is actually funded by a charity for special needs children due to my DS's struggles in the last couple of years. The provided a set amount and we have booked to go to a caravan park as its all it'll cover.
I don't have the money for holidays otherwise! Although I will take the advise to set aside an amount every month to cover the fine if I do get it.

I'm still unsure whether it's £80 or £160 as DH is here too.

What i wanted from the thread was to know if I was alone in my way of thinking which clearly I am! I thought more people would feel and do the same regarding term time holidays.

I wouldn't have told my DS to lie. I wouldn't have said anything about it to him leading up to it until the day before and then would have just expected him to either talk about it or not the following week at school. If it's true that they would change it to unauthorised afterwards then I may as well just tell the truth.

I just wanted to avoid the fine as £160 is a lot for us.

OP posts:
worcesterpear · 25/10/2024 18:04

I'm not sure what the new rules are, but are the three days tagged onto a half term holiday? If they are at the beginning of one and you don't want to risk a fine, I would phone in sick. If after, it's a bit more risky. You could always say your son had a sickness bug after coming back from holiday. They are unlikely to question him on when exactly he got back. I don't think schools care all that much, it looks better for them to have sick leave rather than unauthorised absences.

YourLastNerve · 25/10/2024 18:02

Willing to bet the holiday isn't a cheap camping trip in the uk

What people do who can't afford something pricier in the holidays is they take time together at home, add in day trips, visit family in the uk, borrow a tent & camp at a cheap no frills site.

stichguru · 25/10/2024 18:02

I think your reasoning is sound. However you realise though that if your DS spills the beans, you may still be fined? I mean I see you have options:

  1. ask the school, and explain needing a holiday at a quiet time. Hope they understand and authorise it. Don't go if they don't authorise it.
  2. ask the school, and explain needing a holiday at a quiet time. Hope they understand and authorise it. Go anyway.
  3. lie to the school. Go.

1 is the only way to avoid the fine, if you do 2 or 3 you may find that you get found out and fined.

cansu · 25/10/2024 18:00
  1. The fact that he had a poor time previously is irrelevant. In fact if he is behind it is more important that he goes to school.
However that said I think you should go but trying yo lie and justify it with all the crap about the la not caring before is ridiculous. Go and pay the fine.