To be miffed mum has given DSis valuable jewellery

I sit on both sides of the fence really. I adore jewellery, I'm a lucky girl that I have some beautiful pieces of jewellery, some inherited, some bought by my husband. It's all very special to me. I have discussed what will happen to my jewellery when I pass. I've made it clear to my husband and in our will that my children just get it shared between them and that they amicably pick pieces themselves. Having 2 boys I don't know whether it be given to the wives or it will be sold (I'd rather it was kept in the family) but I recognise "when I go" it's theirs to do as they wish. My mum and my nan both loved jewellery too, a lot of my jewellery is very old and I'm very sentimental about it.

I do feel it's your mums jewellery to do as she wishes. She's made a decision to gift your sister some jewellery ,whilst she still here. Whether you view that fair or not, it's is your mums choice as its her jewellery.

On the other hand, I would be a little upset. If you love jewellery as much as I do, I can see why you think it should be distributed fairly. I just don't think there's much you can do about it. Maybe your mum has other pieces for you? Maybe your sister when your mum passes will share what she received?

Ah. Well done OP.
If you were my sis, I'd happily lend you Mum's gems to wear when you wanted them.

Of course you’re entitled to have disgruntled feelings about it!!

I also understand the reasoning between your descriptions of the jewellery inc value because 9 times out of 10 if you hadn’t, people would have lambasted you for not giving context (because lets be honest there’s a massive difference between being gifted a few generic bits of jewellery and flipping Cartier imo !!)

The value does also tie in with the sentimentality because as you said, something like Mums fancy Sapphire ring is tied into the memory of her and special occasions as opposed to every day stuff. I have a fancy engagement ring myself and a special ring I also wear day to day, both sentimental but VERY different price points, if I gave one to one of my daughters and the other to the other, one would definitely be being shortchanged!!! 🙈

Feeling overlooked within families is definitely evocative and brings very weird sentiments, and are totally normal, the people on here not only dismissing the ideas but being vile (that one you called out definitely needs an attitude adjustment 🤬) are able to say that when they have no skin in the game. Like you said, even your other sister seems to have felt some kind of way so, even within your family dynamic so I doubt you are massively overreacting.

I suppose the only saving grace is that it clearly wasn’t done maliciously and in secret and against you solely, so I would take some comfort of it being more of an instinctive thing to placate an upset sister as opposed to a direct snub!

Would I come out directly and whinge etc - noooo!

might I at some point ask my other sister if it made her feel sad mum just giving all the ‘special’ jewellery away quite so casually - possibly, depends if you think your family dynamics would cope?

I recently learned my grandmother left my uncle a “fuck tonne” (direct quote 🙄🙄) amount of money years ago when she passed, which pretty much paid for my cousin’s wedding and house deposit, while I (quite literally the poor little orphan 🎻🎻🎻 🤣) got nothing. She was perfectly entitled to leave her money to her only son, but as we were very close, and i was her daughter’s only child, I still have weird bitter feelings about it.
I won’t be doing anything about it as a) i can’t but b) i’d be causing drama for nothing.
BUT If i would’ve known about it before she passed, maybe i might’ve asked for an understanding to the decision (before people come for me, i don’t mean thrown a money grabbing tantrum!!) i mean legitimately trying to understand why I was disregarded from what (imo) is a significant decision regarding your descendants etc and what you want to leave them, because the not understanding/knowing caused me pain and sadness that i’m left with and just having to get on with. (again to some of those vipers on here: PEOPLE KNOW THEY’RE NOT ENTITLED TO PEOPLE’S MONEY/JEWELLERY but you can’t be so naive to not realise that inequality in these matters can be just brushed away so easily!)

I totally get it, it's not the value of the items specifically it's the carelessness of the thought behind the gift. I'd be gutted if I didn't have a special something to remember her by and become my family heirloom to pass on too.

People on mn always talk about giving things out evenly etc but in real life you want to help the people who need help. It was lovely of your mum and your sister didn’t ask but as others said hopefully you get some of the other jewellery x

They won't pay anything near that if, for example, they decide your gold necklace isn't gold, or your solid silver bracelet is made of something else, unless you have documentary proof. (My neighbour's solid silver necklace and matching earrings have been valued by insurance as if they were pewter. She can't prove otherwise).

'as there's no 'nice' way to bring this up.'

How about 'Hey old woman, don't give your jewellery just to her, we all want a share of your stuff when you croak it! We'll be round later to stick a post it note on all your cherished items to say who wants what.' 🙄

Absolutely disgusting to expect anything at all.

I honestly think people talk an awful lot of shite on here & most people would feel as you do.

Honestly? The majority would have 100% neutral or supportive feelings about one of their siblings being given the bulk of the valuable & sentimental heirloom jewellery? I actually don't believe it.

OP, I would feel exactly as you do but I also recognise that you're caught between a rock & a hard place as there's no 'nice' way to bring this up.

I think it's easier to understand or accept a rationale specified in a will I.e. granny's engagement to eldest daughter, diamond necklace to middle, earrings etc to youngest or whatever..but it's hard to see things just handed out in front of you on a whim.

It was also on your sister who was offered the jewellery to say she'd accept one item but that the rest should be shared between you all. So while your mum did a very kind thing for her, that sister should have been more thoughtful.

Grabby and entitled and absolutely none of your business.

Insurers will let you claim jewellry up to their standard amount before requesting evidence of valuations. Usually up to £1.5-2k per item. All she needs is proof of gift / purchase (wedding photos are enough). Seems to me she’s lying to your mum for some reason.

I totally get where you are coming from OP and both the sentimentality and value do count in considering the unfairness of the situation. As others have said it was your mum's choice but your Mum and even your sister haven't considered the impact of the gift om both you and your other sister

I wouldn't bring it up with your sister at this stage but I might have a conversation with mum at how surprised you were and how yiu realise how important it will be for you to have a similar memento that has such vivid memories attached when mum is no longer around. It may not have occurred to your mother how much it meant.

Value does come into it too. For this exact reason my parents have compiled a list as to how my mum's jewellery should be divided between me and my sister (but I was rather surprised to see my niece already wearing one of her rings - but she is the only granddaughter out of 6 grandkids).

It's impossible to share jewellery fairly anyway. The necklace and earrings set seems the most prized and you couldn't all have it.

It seems a normal response to her DDs hurt at having lost her jewellery in a burglary to me.

I honestly can't see I'd have any response other than poor DSis and I'm glad I'm not the one who was burgled.

Well done for thinking it through. It takes a big person to do that. You should be proud of yourself.

It may not be unreasonable, but it does hurt. Similar happened to me. My DM spent my entire life saying how lucky I was going to be as the only daughter, that I would inherit all her jewellery, it was used as a carrot and a stick to beat me with.

In the end she gave most of her stuff away in her later years to my SIL, who sucked up to her and agreed with her every whim, and is married to her favourite son. She gave her incredibly sentimental, to me, items from my Dad, who passed away years ago, her engagement ring, her 40th Anniversary ring. These were listed on a codicil to the will, given me in writing, as the executor, with strict instructions that they were bequethed to me. She also "lost" some items, which I know went to her carer, including some paintings, which I really liked and she knew I wanted.

I didn't pursue it, even as executor, I binned the codicil, because I like my SIL, but it did hurt, and I am still spicy about it now.

Is she going to insure them properly this time? It's not unusual for burglars to come back after a period of time on the assumption that things have been replaced, especially if the initial haul was good.

not trying to be funny, but how do you distribute one ring?

If your sister’s home was broken into and her jewellery taken I would think that there is an increased risk of it happening again so your sister should think about insurance/safe/cameras. Also if she is burgled when she is in she needs to be able to hand stuff over quickly rather than be hurt. I would think it would be better to not have valuable jewellery at her house for a time.

Exactly.

For me the bigger issue is where will she store this jewellery?

What precautions had she taken to safeguard against another break-in?

It’s not unusual to be targeted again.

Shes given her otems to wear now. Not when shes dead. Im sure she has more otend which will be yours when the time comes.
Yabu

I hope she gets them valued, photographed and stores the documents safely in case she gets burgled again. My neighbour got burgled last year and all her very valuable jewellery was taken. She has had an awful time with her insurers because she couldn't produce all the above information. They won't pay out for any of it.

It's entirely up to your mum. If I did this and my kids came asking if it could be considered a loan not a gift and how it wasn't fair I would not be impressed.

Would it be possible to ask your sister and mother if they could be considered a loan rather than a gift and then are part of the estate for the purpose of your DM's will?