Negative DIL

The lack of detail is quite telling here tbh.

What age are you? Unless you're 80 it's not generational, it's ignorant.

Little snipes about our generation and our views on different things.

I originally thought this comment was about parenting practices although now I'm wondering if it's more political and why the DIL can't warm to you?

OK so THEY are taking the piss. You buy them exactly the model they want and they want to change the cat seat because of the colour ! Your son was the on asking you so why is it the dil's fault? You should tell them that next time they ask for something tell them that you rather not because you might get it wrong since they are so precious about details like colours etc. I would be harder on my son in your place, it's your son so you should be able to tell him off if he's ungrateful. It seems Dil gets all your anger for their joint behaviour and that's not fair.

Tread a bit carefully, I’ve seen situations where a person has picked small fights with people as a way of isolating their partner without making it look obvious

I’m assuming a racist one!

When you say a certain name you mean a racist term that was already considered offensive decades ago, don't you? If you're going to use racist terms then expect to be called racist. It's not generational, it's racist. Be racist if you must, but own it.

It's not generational. You're nazty racists and got called out on it.

When you say generational, how old are you?

I'm in my 50s and have never used certain terms that other posters are alluding to.

My dm and my FIL are in their early 80s. They both would not now use certain terms that may have been socially acceptable in the 70s and 80s.

Mu uncle on the other hand, does still use such terms. But that is because he is a nasty piece of work. Always was.

So how old are you @Dinkiedoo and what was the term used?

You sound lovely, can you be my mil instead please?

Wow. Even if my Mil would get little things not to my liking I would acknowledge the thought behind, thank her and make my children thank her. It's called being polite. Can you tell her (not infront if the children) that her behaviour hurt your feelings (give specific occasions)? If she still doesn't care I think you just have to treat her like a distant relative and save your love for the children..

Why were you being racist about a restaurant presumably your not 90 you know it's wrong no excuse for that I grew up in the 60s and 70's we heard it all we don't agree with it or use it. I wouldn't want my grandchildren exposed to racist language.

If I had offered to buy my DGC a car seat in green, and only red was available, I would contact my child and ask for guidance. Red or wait/source from elsewhere.

I am assuming you used an outdated term for Chinese restaurant. The correct response would be to thank her for bringing it to your attention that this term was now considered racist and explain you were unaware.

Any other examples? It sounds like a communication issue tbh. One that should be resolvable.

Isn't it normal to say thanks for giving the kids a great time or thanks for giving us the break etc? Why have manners gone out of the window? You can enjoy doing something but thanks doesn't ever hurt.

I'd be over the moon if you bought us a car seat. Those things are expensive! If the colour was a bit garish or something I might have a chuckle but I would be happy nonetheless. If she liked grey and you bought black or something, then she is incredibly rude to even mention it.
Once the seat has been sullied by wee/mud/sick/crumbs, these things tend to lose their importance. I hope she loosens up and learns to pick her battles as time goes on.

As for the "bigoted" term for the restaurant, you are going to get roasted alive on Mumsnet for admitting to that as everyone here knows the up to date, politically correct terms for everything and would instantly go no contact with their own Gran for uttering anything like that.

In the real world, we all have those moments when grandad says something un PC but there are ways to let someone know those words aren't considered OK anymore without calling them bigots and falling out with them. She is correct though that either of the terms you might have used are considered offensive now.

Those words have been used to insult and abuse ethnic minorities so that's why people don't use them as a descriptor anymore.

You purchased the wrong car seat without checking that son and dil would be happy with your choice

And you use a racist term for a "foreign" restaurant and excuse yourselves by saying its a generational faux pas

Wow - you sound delightful

I'm team DIL

Do people really expect their parents to offer financial support....not everyone in their 50s to 70s are rolling in money lots of us lost everything in the 80s. Many have no pension other than minimum state ones because of what happened.

I assume you referred to a Chinese restaurant the racist way. I don’t care what generation you are, everyone alive today knows it is racist. The same way you should no longer call the local corner shop run by a Pakistani family the name people used to use.

This is oddly disjointed.

Either stop using racist terms for restaurants or put up with being taken up on it every time. It really isn’t that hard.

The only examples of the I can think of are racist.

Youve also been very reluctant to give examples and so far have only given one.

Can you elaborate ?

People mainly hate mils on mn don't you know you should be grateful for being allowed near them, must be available at the drop of a hat for free childcare, must only buy things parent (Dil) requests no odd treats, never make a comment even if Dil is saying it's hard, child won't can't...smile dummy say poor you and shut up. Even your son is no longer your business and these tiger mummies will happily kick their sons out wanting no contact once they have a girlfriend.
Seriously, Carry on your best doing what you feel is right buy treats as long as it's not diet related (banned) let lo keep them at yours for visits maybe so many Dils are divas on here luckily there are some really nice ones.

I can think of two possibilities, both racist.

What's the name you give to the restaurant?

You aren’t making it sound like she’s being overly unreasonable.
I would rather buy my own carseat than my in-laws buy me a bright red one or something.

Also no, being racist isn’t a generational thing.