Negative DIL

Very wise. I never give clothes to a baby or child unless the parents have requested something. Not my place to suggest what the child should be wearing.

I thank supermarket workers too, unless they are rude. Most are pleasant and efficient, and for those of us who live alone, it's nice to say hello and thank you to someone. Some of them love their jobs, and many are students.

Me telling her she’s projecting and asking if she’s alright is rude…but her telling me I’m projecting and sound angry is polite?

Are you quite alright?

why do you need to buy them gifts?

Did I actually just read that? Who doesn’t buy their grandchildren gifts?

That's rude

I recently became a GM for the first time and always check with DS's fiancee (baby's DM) before I buy anything. It's about being respectful. She already has a DC from a previous relationship and is the most amazing mum!

There there.

You sure don't sound it.

My grandfather was born in 1918. I never heard him utter a racist slight in his life.

The terms and parameters of acceptable terminology may change, but this is not a generational malady and it's insulting to older generations - not referring to your post here but some others upthread - to claim it is. (If I hadn't made it clear, I'm in agreement with your post).

A racist is a racist.

Are you quite alright?

Im not sure how old you are op, but my mother was born in the very early 60s. I’d heard someone call a Chinese a racist word as a child and asked what it meant, she went mad and said it was something not to be repeated. I never uttered it since, never heard my grandparents (born in the 1920s) refer to it as that word either, or anything else remotely racist either. There’s no excuse.

This.

Do you have the mindset ‘beggars can’t be choosers?’

I’m sure in no other situation (with say friends/colleagues/partner) would you buy a gift that you knew wasn’t quite what they wanted and expect them to like it or lump it. I’m sure your body language was telling her how you really meant, even if you didn’t call her a beggar I.E. did you give the car seat and say ‘black was the closest we could get to grey, is that ok?’ Or was it ‘there wasn’t a grey so here’s the black one’.

Are you sure she wants you babysitting, or is that just to please you/your husband?

My speciality, concerned?? OK 👍.

So did you tell them the colour of car seat was out of stock & consult on which other colour to get? Or try somewhere else?

Your son should have thanked you.

But you sound like a racist and I wouldn't be having my kids around you.

Absolutely this !! Anyone looking after your child ,whoever they are and whatever the reason most definitely should be thanked …would consider I had failed as a Mum if my children had such a privileged attitude!

Oh the challenges of getting it right when you are a GP! Particularly if you are the paternal GPs. Word of advice, smile , put up and shut up! I apologise if that comes across as rude, wasn't meant to be

If we are comment on posting styles....I appreciate the analysis, but if detecting passive aggression is your specialty, you might want to reread your own post.

It’s ironic to come off so concerned over someone else’s perceived tone while doing it yourself. Maybe self awareness just isn't part of your style.

Can you explain what you mean by we assume we are allowed to be controlling about our offspring as mother to under 18s to the extent of undermining the father.

And literally all I said was a mother shouldn't get involved in her son's marriage when the marriage is more important and should come first. Unless you think a MIL should butt into the marriage?

That is how she is? You dislike her to put it on here. What does she says? Personal insults or constant criticising ...Stop doing it for her then, tell her you are great of having your free time for you from now on

Hmm she sounds like a cow about the car seat tbf. If you were using racial slurs to describe a restaurant (was it a Chinese?) then yes I’d expect you to be pulled up on that as it’s not acceptable and “different generations” doesn’t cut it.

“telling you what to do “ with the kids, I think that depends. Unless it’s something harmful then I do think to an extent if you’re getting free childcare you have to suck it up. Used to have to bite my tongue when mine were small and I was paying £££ for childcare so I could work and I had friends whose parents/ILs did it free and my friends would moan about trivial things not being done their way

Agree with @janeavrilavril .

Your post did come over as angry, same as @Herewegoagainandagainandagain Who copied your style.* *

And the "Are you quite alright?

Passive Agressive much!

Put into this context it does seem a bit unbalanced.
I thought that there might be a few more examples of the unreasonableness. It may be that like me, DIL is unfortunate enough to have RBF, or maybe she genuinely didn't like the car seat in the colour (which she had been clear on) that was offered?

I'm interested to know a bit more about how the son reacts in these sorts of situations.

As soon as a son gets a girlfriend he should have no unapproved contact with his mother, the girlfriend on the other hand should keep her own mother as important....see mothers day threads etc. The site is full of my mum is this that and the other perfect his mum is unreasonably nasty etc. people forget families are different it doesn't make one right and the other wrong but we see how we are brought up as normal( abuse excepted) there is no tolerance or thought of how our partner feels. We also assume we are allowed to be controlling about our offspring as mothers to under 18s to the extent of undermining the father but on reaching 18 we think our feelings will disappear and will melt into insecurity if we have sons. The site is quite often nuts.

@thursdaymurderclub , It's when you post something but pretend you are the other person.

e.g. 'AIBU for calling my MIL a control freak?' when you are the MIL in question.

And using racist language is not generational. Its just wrong