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AIBU?

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Original poster

To avoid friends new boyfriend because he gives me the ick??

35 replies

Lookslikemeemaw · 25/10/2024 11:56

By referring to women as ‘females’??
He’s a personal trainer and talks about ‘the females’ that take some of his classes but he seriously gives me the ick with his ‘ I had 4 females in, all wanting to do weights’ etc.

i find him really off putting!

OP posts:
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Original poster
Lookslikemeemaw · 01/11/2024 16:53

jeaux90 · 26/10/2024 11:05

@GabriellaMontez not what I said I was asking whether OP just didn't like using sex to describe biology, lots of people use gender instead. I don't.

I did wonder whether the dude was GC but he just sounds like a bit of a nob TBH.

He’s not that bright TBH. Super confident in his opinions, but right wing, bit ‘ you can’t say anything no more’ etc
Friend is swayed by looks and muscles over anything else!

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 26/10/2024 11:05

@GabriellaMontez not what I said I was asking whether OP just didn't like using sex to describe biology, lots of people use gender instead. I don't.

I did wonder whether the dude was GC but he just sounds like a bit of a nob TBH.

Original poster
Lookslikemeemaw · 26/10/2024 10:21

JMSA · 26/10/2024 10:11

My ex father-in-law did this.

He was sexist and racist.

This guy is a ‘man’s man’ and has a ‘crazy’ ex who won’t let him see his kid etc. which is why I wonder if there’s more to it.
Friend loves a tattooed tough guy …

OP posts:
JMSA · 26/10/2024 10:11

My ex father-in-law did this.

He was sexist and racist.

JohnSt1 · 26/10/2024 09:42

Lookslikemeemaw · 25/10/2024 11:56

By referring to women as ‘females’??
He’s a personal trainer and talks about ‘the females’ that take some of his classes but he seriously gives me the ick with his ‘ I had 4 females in, all wanting to do weights’ etc.

i find him really off putting!

It makes my skin crawl every time I hear male or female used as a noun.

CoatRack · 26/10/2024 09:41

Maybe he's just GC, and is trying to be precise?

renoleno · 26/10/2024 09:38

He's not your bf so weird to have an ick for someone else's bf to the point you're posting about it! As a friend you do need to be supportive and kind of your friend's choices (other than if they're illegal or destructive) and not judge her by your standards. She's not an extension of you and unless you have a more concrete reason than him saying 'females' to avoid him, I'd suck it up and stay civil.

JeremiahBullfrog · 25/10/2024 23:38

Every time this comes up I think of the one person I know who uses "females" in this way with notable frequency, who is herself a woman. Not quite sure what to make of that.

HoppyFish · 25/10/2024 23:09

I think he's scared of offending by saying 'women', 'lady' sounds silly, so he thinks 'females' is the safest bet. I'd just reassure him that it's ok to say 'women'.

AcceptAllChanges · 25/10/2024 23:07

I think it sounds OK, and as a PP said might save a lot of hassle about deciding on whether to refer to girls, women, ladies, etc. Referring to males and females is normal in (say) healthcare, and might be standard in sports science.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 25/10/2024 23:04

I hate it. It's got red pill/incel vibes.

Original poster
Lookslikemeemaw · 25/10/2024 23:02

MillyMichaelson · 25/10/2024 12:52

I thought this was a generational thing!

My dad and MIL both say it in a slightly derogatory way. I detest it.

Do you need to completely avoid him over it though? Bit dramatic.

He’s a bit, creepy for want of a better word. Just something off I don’t like. So perhaps it‘s more that… ‘females’ is just part of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookslikemeemaw · 25/10/2024 23:00

FrenchandSaunders · 25/10/2024 12:20

Reminds me of Friday Night Dinner 😂

I know! And it’s weird there and the ‘sons’ cringe every time he says it…

OP posts:
Velvian · 25/10/2024 14:39

Female what? Is the only response to that. Then 'Oh, you mean women' in a surprised tone every time.

YANBU, he sounds like misogynistic muppet.

MooPeng · 25/10/2024 14:39

This seems common among PTs and gym owners. Not sure who told them to start saying “females” but they’re all at it!

ItTook8WibesToKnow7WasEnough · 25/10/2024 14:14

You can of course do what you want, but this is such a non-issue to me.
What do you do when you come across an actual misogynyst?
Like if you know they watch porn or have been to a strip club?
Then I’d understand you’d get the ’ick’ and want to stay away from them…

twomanyfrogsinabox · 25/10/2024 14:03

He probably used to call them 'girls' and got told off for that, some people don't like 'ladies' and some don't like 'women', but I agree females sounds bad, but maybe he is trying to avoid any sexual connotation, trainers are often fit and he may want to emphasis keeping his distance. Or it might be straight off his spreadsheet x number of females and y number of males on z course. Tell him you don't like it.

LoobyDoop2 · 25/10/2024 13:57

I always suspect the type who do this like to think that their powers of logic and reason are superior to other people’s, and that secretly they think they’d have made good military leaders. Bit pathetic, really. I tell you the type, the trainee PCSO from The Outlaws.

JustAWhirl · 25/10/2024 13:45

Would annoy me too but surely you can suck it up for a friend? I know a young lad through my sport who was talking about dating and saying he couldn’t find any ‘females’ he liked. I suggested he dropped chasing sheep, badgers etc and just sought out women. All females is such a big dating pool! He laughed and hasn’t said it since so humour is not a bad idea to get this silly phrase packed in.

gannett · 25/10/2024 13:02

I'd just correct him in a no-nonsense, slight eye rolls way. It's not the ideal word but a lot of people use "females" unthinkingly with no derogatory intent. It's not that big of a deal.

There's a certain type of feminist who will go to war over words like "females" and "girls" as if they're the most important gender issues of our day. (Almost every time I've heard someone refer to "the girls" it's a woman, usually a jolly hockey sticks sporty one who neither knows nor cares about pedantic online discourse.)

"The ick" is a worse phrase to use, or misuse in this case as it refers specifically to off-putting behaviour in a dating or romantic context. If you don't like the guy just say you don't like him.

RaspberryBeretxx · 25/10/2024 13:02

Ugh. I don't blame you. I can't imagine a man ever saying "oh, I had several males come into the gym today"! I'd just say "you can just say women, Nick" next time and see if he still does it.

Circumferences · 25/10/2024 13:00

Cantalever · 25/10/2024 12:08

I absolutely hate this too - and always think Female whats? giraffes? chipmonks? Why don't people (men mostly) just say women? I'd be tempted to put him right, lightly but definitely that there is nothing wrong with the woman word.

Ha ha I voted YABU until I read this comment.
Changed my vote.

MillyMichaelson · 25/10/2024 12:52

I thought this was a generational thing!

My dad and MIL both say it in a slightly derogatory way. I detest it.

Do you need to completely avoid him over it though? Bit dramatic.

Icanttakethisanymore · 25/10/2024 12:51

To avoid someone over something this minor seems extreme. Is he otherwise a good guy / treats your fried well?

GabriellaMontez · 25/10/2024 12:49

jeaux90 · 25/10/2024 12:47

Female is a biological fact. Do you also squirm when people talk about the sex of their baby for example?

Some people use Male/Man interchangeably, I do that.

Literally never heard someone describe their baby as female.

Perhaps in a zoo.