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Autumn1000 · 2024-10-24T19:49:43+00:00

Need some advice. Me and this guy matched on Tinder. We work together. We don't work directly with each other every day but we have to discuss things now and then. We have been chatting a bit and he's just replied in his message with this: "I’m not sure why i swiped as I don’t think a work relationship is a good idea!! you are cute though 😊" I'm neurodiverse so can't work out if he's feeling out what I'm going to say back or if he's trying to let me down gently and doesn't actually think it's a good idea. Don't people meet at work all the time? Or should I just agree and suggest being friends?

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:52

KarmaKat · 24/10/2024 21:51

I can’t tell if you like him, do you? Start with how you feel & what you’d like from this.

I do like him and really fancy him

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BabyCloud · 24/10/2024 21:51

I rekon he only swiped to see if you did.

KarmaKat · 24/10/2024 21:51

I can’t tell if you like him, do you? Start with how you feel & what you’d like from this.

YellowDaffodilRedTulip · 24/10/2024 21:47

Bogginsthe3rd · 24/10/2024 20:54

He wants more but is testing the waters. Making sure you know he is a work colleague (which clearly you do). I would go for it if you like him. His emoji says he's well up for it.

This is how I would interpret it too.

Notimeforaname · 24/10/2024 21:42

Just say to him "Happy to keep it at friends if it's too weird for you"

booisbooming · 24/10/2024 21:33

IMO the perfect reply is "haha thanks".

Normally i'm all for "if in doubt don't reply" but if you want to be cordial at work you don't want to look like you're hurt or sulking.

It is 100% legit for him to not want to meet someone at work. Work relationships do happen but they're very marmite. I wouldn't want it either.

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:32

Should I just say yea probably a good idea, no harm in being friends?

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Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:29

Ginandpanic · 24/10/2024 21:26

I’d not bother replying to that either.

however I don’t agree tinder is just for hook ups. I met my dh on tinder. My friend met her partner on tinder. Maybe it’s different in our age rage ( late 40’s) but I’d been on 6 dates before I met my dh and every one of those men wanted a relationship .

Yea I agree. I think some are there just for a hook up. But some aren't. I don't think he's there just for hook ups from his profile

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Ginandpanic · 24/10/2024 21:26

I’d not bother replying to that either.

however I don’t agree tinder is just for hook ups. I met my dh on tinder. My friend met her partner on tinder. Maybe it’s different in our age rage ( late 40’s) but I’d been on 6 dates before I met my dh and every one of those men wanted a relationship .

Gillbil · 24/10/2024 21:21

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:02

No we don't. I haven't been at my work place for that long

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Then no, see it as a no-go.
You don't need to get back to him.
Tinder is for hookups not relationships (not to say it doesn't happen but best to go with the majority when you are unsure. So tinder=sex)

Relationships at work get very tricky. But as you are new I would say don't look at pursuing any romantic relationships in the workplace for at least 8months.
That way you're outside of your probationary period and you've had time to find your footing and work friends etc.

Justcallmebebes · 24/10/2024 21:20

isthesolution · 24/10/2024 21:17

I'd also just do a thumbs up to the message. He can then reply/not reply.

This. I don't understand all the angst. He's clearly saying you're cute but it's a no go. Nothing more, nothing less. Just thumbs up him and carry on as normal if you see him. The ball is then in his court

isthesolution · 24/10/2024 21:17

I'd also just do a thumbs up to the message. He can then reply/not reply.

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:14

Liglig · 24/10/2024 21:12

Ok what about outside of work? Do you both interact a lot together in person? Am I wrong in saying you mostly see each other at work only? Do you work together online or actually work in the same building as each other. Or have all interactions been online only? Sorry just trying to make sense of things.

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We have never met outside of work. We work on the same site. He's in a different building. We have spoken in person maybe like 3 times and all other times have been via email but all been professional

OP posts:

Liglig · 24/10/2024 21:12

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:07

We haven't even really spoke at work. I'd say not even more then 10 sentences 😂

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Ok what about outside of work? Do you both interact a lot together in person? Am I wrong in saying you mostly see each other at work only? Do you work together online or actually work in the same building as each other. Or have all interactions been online only? Sorry just trying to make sense of things.

Barezvizar · 24/10/2024 21:12

He's after sex but doesn't want to make it complicated by having sex with someone at his work.

I'd ignore and not reply.

SunshineAndFizz · 24/10/2024 21:11

He's letting down gently.

Don't ignore if you work with him, just politely say 'no worries, thanks for letting me know'.

MissUltraViolet · 24/10/2024 21:09

He could mean a couple of things (as you can see from your replies and how different people have taken it!)

Your response I guess depends on if you are interested? I would maybe go with a 'you're probably right' if you want to stop the convo and save face or a 'Ohh, have you had some bad experiences?' if you want to try continue the convo/find out what he actually means.

Liglig · 24/10/2024 21:09

foodforclouds · 24/10/2024 21:06

what are you on about?

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What I am saying is it sounds like most of their interactions are at work only, they need to get to know each other more outside of work hours, they met on tinder so probably just need to bond more without the pressure of work.

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:07

Liglig · 24/10/2024 21:05

Ok maybe you both need to do more outside of work hours, nothing big start small, go somewhere to eat together or suggest it. Maybe he is worried that he is only seeing you at work, at work you are limited in what you can do together, you are not getting to know each other properly because of work and that could be the issue.

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We haven't even really spoke at work. I'd say not even more then 10 sentences 😂

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foodforclouds · 24/10/2024 21:06

Liglig · 24/10/2024 21:05

Ok maybe you both need to do more outside of work hours, nothing big start small, go somewhere to eat together or suggest it. Maybe he is worried that he is only seeing you at work, at work you are limited in what you can do together, you are not getting to know each other properly because of work and that could be the issue.

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what are you on about?

Liglig · 24/10/2024 21:05

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:02

No we don't. I haven't been at my work place for that long

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Ok maybe you both need to do more outside of work hours, nothing big start small, go somewhere to eat together or suggest it. Maybe he is worried that he is only seeing you at work, at work you are limited in what you can do together, you are not getting to know each other properly because of work and that could be the issue.

WhitneyBaby · 24/10/2024 21:05

I’d send a mini thumbs up.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 24/10/2024 21:03

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 20:58

I don't know 🙈 I'm so confused.

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I think that if you wanted to sleep with him, you almost definitely could. There’s a definite invitation to reply with a flirty comment. But he’s making it very clear that you will not be his girlfriend and that the two of you will not be in a relationship. And you won’t have any room to complain because he’s told you he doesn’t believe in work place relationships.

If he wanted something more than a casual bunk up, he wouldn’t be playing mind games and you wouldn’t be wondering where you stood or what he means.

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:02

Liglig · 24/10/2024 21:01

Hmm I'm not 100 percent sure, do you both ever meet outside of work? Could it be that he is suggesting you do more things outside of work and just keep work as just work. Either way it sounds like he likes you as he put a smiley face, even if it just turns out to be friendship.

No we don't. I haven't been at my work place for that long

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wowgi · 24/10/2024 21:01

Whothefuckdoesthat · 24/10/2024 20:58

He’s probably right, to be honest. It has the potential to get very messy if things go south.

I’d advise you not to reply. Or reply with something like ‘Yes, that’s sensible. Friendly colleagues it is then 🙂’

This. "Yes that sounds sensible 👍 "