Page 2 | How should I reply to this message?

Autumn1000 · 2024-10-24T19:49:43+00:00

Need some advice. Me and this guy matched on Tinder. We work together. We don't work directly with each other every day but we have to discuss things now and then. We have been chatting a bit and he's just replied in his message with this: "I’m not sure why i swiped as I don’t think a work relationship is a good idea!! you are cute though 😊" I'm neurodiverse so can't work out if he's feeling out what I'm going to say back or if he's trying to let me down gently and doesn't actually think it's a good idea. Don't people meet at work all the time? Or should I just agree and suggest being friends?

Apollo365 · 24/10/2024 23:02

Flumoxed · 24/10/2024 22:48

If you fancy him, say "sorry to hear that, let me know if you change your mind and fancy a drink one night after work". If you don't fancy him, send him the thumbs up emoji 👍

This is a good reply

Apollo365 · 24/10/2024 23:01

Most of my friends met their husbands at work, I don’t see how this is any diff to a dating site. As least you know he’s single (as much as you can know!)

SilverChampagne · 24/10/2024 23:00

Bogginsthe3rd · 24/10/2024 20:54

He wants more but is testing the waters. Making sure you know he is a work colleague (which clearly you do). I would go for it if you like him. His emoji says he's well up for it.

Bloody hell, he really isn’t!

Teanbiscuits33 · 24/10/2024 22:53

Just say, OK, no worries. Good luck in finding what you are looking for on here!’ He might well try and back pedal and tell you something along the lines of, ‘but…but….we can have some fun instead?’ 🤣. He’s basically telling you he’s not after a relationship, but these people are so predictable. If he tries to back pedal after you’ve wished him luck, then if you want fun go for it, but if you want a relationship, tell him you’re not looking for the same thing and move on.

Flumoxed · 24/10/2024 22:48

If you fancy him, say "sorry to hear that, let me know if you change your mind and fancy a drink one night after work". If you don't fancy him, send him the thumbs up emoji 👍

Spasisters · 24/10/2024 22:45

To me he’s testing the waters to see if you are up for it. But depending on how I felt I would say one of the following. I wouldn’t ignore because that’s rude especially when u will see him.

haha that’s true, no harm in two colleagues having a cheeky drink 😉

or
haha that’s true, shame I think you are cute too 😊

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 22:42

Secradonugh · 24/10/2024 22:32

He is being honest. He might fancy you but he knows its not a good idea. Although I met my partner at work we really liked each other for a long time, 6 years, before we admitted our feelings to each other because we knew it would devastate us to see each other every day if we broke up. We were colleagues, then aquitances, then friends, they became my team leader, then best friends. You both would have to be willing to leave your job if it doesn't work, but also if it does work.
Best response you can give is the honest one of.." I agree that it probably is best that we don't take it further whilst we work around each other
. It is a pity though."

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Did you both know in those 6 years that you liked each other and we either one of you with anyone?
It's good that it worked out. Tbh I'm not planning on being at this job long term. It's a bit far for me to travel but it's good experience for what I want to do next

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napody · 24/10/2024 22:40

Whothefuckdoesthat · 24/10/2024 21:03

I think that if you wanted to sleep with him, you almost definitely could. There’s a definite invitation to reply with a flirty comment. But he’s making it very clear that you will not be his girlfriend and that the two of you will not be in a relationship. And you won’t have any room to complain because he’s told you he doesn’t believe in work place relationships.

If he wanted something more than a casual bunk up, he wouldn’t be playing mind games and you wouldn’t be wondering where you stood or what he means.

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I agree with this.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 24/10/2024 22:35

I'd reply fair enough, probably wise. Take care.

Secradonugh · 24/10/2024 22:32

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 22:22

My job means alot to me. I'm not going to make a decision that will ruin that for me

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He is being honest. He might fancy you but he knows its not a good idea. Although I met my partner at work we really liked each other for a long time, 6 years, before we admitted our feelings to each other because we knew it would devastate us to see each other every day if we broke up. We were colleagues, then aquitances, then friends, they became my team leader, then best friends. You both would have to be willing to leave your job if it doesn't work, but also if it does work.
Best response you can give is the honest one of.." I agree that it probably is best that we don't take it further whilst we work around each other
. It is a pity though."

Coconutter24 · 24/10/2024 22:24

Sethera · 24/10/2024 20:58

You haven't even been on a date yet and he's messing you about with self-indulgent, ambiguous messages. Forget him and move on.

There was nothing ambiguous about his message, he was letting her down gently

coxesorangepippin · 24/10/2024 22:22

Ignore

Or block

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 22:22

Whothefuckdoesthat · 24/10/2024 22:20

I have a suspicion you already know you’re not going to shut this down and walk away. I hope it doesn’t ruin your job for you.

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My job means alot to me. I'm not going to make a decision that will ruin that for me

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Whothefuckdoesthat · 24/10/2024 22:20

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:52

I do like him and really fancy him

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I have a suspicion you already know you’re not going to shut this down and walk away. I hope it doesn’t ruin your job for you.

ParrotsAteThemAll · 24/10/2024 22:14

He’s letting you down gently but still hoping for a quick shag

healthybychristmas · 24/10/2024 22:11

I think he likes you but thinks a relationship with someone at work isn't a good idea in case it doesn't work out.

DeliciousApples · 24/10/2024 22:09

What @Whothefuckdoesthat said.

I would defo respond in some way if you choose not to say that, perhaps a thumbs up as someone suggested - because I wouldn't want him giving me a secret smile in work if he thought I may be considering it and people asking wtf.... Or have him wondering if I received his message or not.

It's just good to communicate and shut this down.

YellowTambourine · 24/10/2024 22:09

ZekeZeke · 24/10/2024 20:52

Yes people meet through work and form relationships
However, Tinder is for hook ups, not dating.
Don't poop on your own doorstep.

It's a dating app...

Fiery30 · 24/10/2024 22:07

If you fancy him, why give up so easily? I would have ask what he meant by that. Perhaps he is gauging your thoughts on this matter and hoping to talk about the 'elephant in the room', rather than ignoring it. I don't see anything wrong with it.

Thankgoditsbedtyme · 24/10/2024 22:02

I would put back. I was kinda thinking the same. PS: I think you're cute too :)

then leave the ball in his court.

KrisAkabusi · 24/10/2024 22:01

I consider anyone saying to ignore him to be rude. I don't understand the modern rush to block, ghost or ignore. What's the harm in at least acknowledging such a message with an "OK, thanks, bye"? Or if you're interested, as you seem to be, with " That's a pity".

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 24/10/2024 22:00

Just ignore it surely. He's not interested, his reason is valid.

Kezabella84 · 24/10/2024 21:59

Whothefuckdoesthat · 24/10/2024 21:03

I think that if you wanted to sleep with him, you almost definitely could. There’s a definite invitation to reply with a flirty comment. But he’s making it very clear that you will not be his girlfriend and that the two of you will not be in a relationship. And you won’t have any room to complain because he’s told you he doesn’t believe in work place relationships.

If he wanted something more than a casual bunk up, he wouldn’t be playing mind games and you wouldn’t be wondering where you stood or what he means.

Show quote history

I think it’s this too.. he wants to sleep with you but has the prefect ‘get out’ of not dating/ considering a relationship as he’s been up front about his stance on workplace relationships.

He wants you to respond that you’re up for a no strings attached hook-up.

autienotnaughty · 24/10/2024 21:59

I'd say "your probably right " and leave it at that. See if he responds

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 21:53

BabyCloud · 24/10/2024 21:51

I rekon he only swiped to see if you did.

Haha I kind of swiped to see if he did too

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