How should I reply to this message?

Autumn1000 · 2024-10-24T19:49:43+00:00

Need some advice. Me and this guy matched on Tinder. We work together. We don't work directly with each other every day but we have to discuss things now and then. We have been chatting a bit and he's just replied in his message with this: "I’m not sure why i swiped as I don’t think a work relationship is a good idea!! you are cute though 😊" I'm neurodiverse so can't work out if he's feeling out what I'm going to say back or if he's trying to let me down gently and doesn't actually think it's a good idea. Don't people meet at work all the time? Or should I just agree and suggest being friends?

wowgi · 12/11/2024 19:36

Woohoo! Love it. Good luck OP hope all goes well.

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 12/11/2024 14:10

Update!!!
He's asked for my number!

I helped him with some worked and he said that I'd unmatched him before he could reply and asked for my number

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Original poster

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 21:45

I went with yea you're probably right let's just be friends.
Shame, he is gorgeous!

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DrDisrespect · 25/10/2024 18:53

Speaking from experience, dont date anyone from work!

Zephyry · 25/10/2024 18:35

I think if he didn't have issues with work/dating mix he would have just gone for it. So the fact he has introduced uncertainty speaks volumes. So you probably now want to keep your dignity. So I agree with pp that replying to remove the awkwardness of it hanging there is the right thing to do, I would definitely say something like 'you're probably right!' or just a thumbs up.

Miniopolis · 25/10/2024 18:29

Coconutter24 · 24/10/2024 22:24

There was nothing ambiguous about his message, he was letting her down gently

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This.

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 18:20

Love*

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Original poster

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 18:19

Secradonugh · 25/10/2024 18:11

Unfortunately not. My wife died 14 years ago. We had 9 years together as a couple, 8 of them married. We have 3 girls, 15, 17 and 22. ( yes I know the maths!!). Because we knew she was dying (6 months) she created videos for me and the girls especially about them growing up. Our eldest really remembers mummy, middle child vaguely does, but the youngest doesn't. She just remembers her on video.
We were forced to work apart which we were okay with. so I moved companies as we wanted to make sure she got the maternity leave... but I moved to the company next door on the same business park. So we would have lunch together and our friends sometimes joined us from the old company. Our eldest also went to nursery on the same business park as well. So we would walk around to pick her up.

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I'm so so sorry! Sounds like you both loved each other very much. Its rare to find like like that

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Secradonugh · 25/10/2024 18:11

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 08:00

That's a really sweet story, do you work together now?

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Unfortunately not. My wife died 14 years ago. We had 9 years together as a couple, 8 of them married. We have 3 girls, 15, 17 and 22. ( yes I know the maths!!). Because we knew she was dying (6 months) she created videos for me and the girls especially about them growing up. Our eldest really remembers mummy, middle child vaguely does, but the youngest doesn't. She just remembers her on video.
We were forced to work apart which we were okay with. so I moved companies as we wanted to make sure she got the maternity leave... but I moved to the company next door on the same business park. So we would have lunch together and our friends sometimes joined us from the old company. Our eldest also went to nursery on the same business park as well. So we would walk around to pick her up.

Cuppasy · 25/10/2024 17:40

Stay clear.
Don't mess where you eat is an excellent saying for good reason.

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 17:20

"hmmm that's a pity as you're cute too."

Leave it at that and see if he suggests a date. If not no harm done, just a mild and brief flirtation.

Sassybooklover · 25/10/2024 16:34

He's swiped, then realised he knows you and you work together. He's trying to let you know that he doesn't want to involve himself with anyone he works with. He's letting you down gently, by saying 'you're cute'. It maybe he's not looking for a relationship, and is more interested in something far more casual. In which case, he's probably right, casual with someone you work with could be very awkward if things go wrong or someone wants more than the other person is prepared to give. I'd reply back 'Thanks 😁' and leave it at that.

dairydebris · 25/10/2024 16:13

MissUltraViolet · 24/10/2024 21:09

He could mean a couple of things (as you can see from your replies and how different people have taken it!)

Your response I guess depends on if you are interested? I would maybe go with a 'you're probably right' if you want to stop the convo and save face or a 'Ohh, have you had some bad experiences?' if you want to try continue the convo/find out what he actually means.

This is the correct answer.

Barezvizar · 25/10/2024 16:09

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 08:03

I know a small bit of background on this guy. His ex also works at our place and they have a child together. I don't know if they get along or why they split. I know they split a while ago though. I don't think they have to see each other at work though (it's a very large company). So when he says I don't think a work relationship is good, I can see this is probably why.

I'm sceptical, but I bet he's still sleeping with the ex on and off and doesn't want her to find out about him potentially sleeping with other women.

Either way, I'd stay clear.

Dogpawssmellgreat · 25/10/2024 15:07

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 08:03

I know a small bit of background on this guy. His ex also works at our place and they have a child together. I don't know if they get along or why they split. I know they split a while ago though. I don't think they have to see each other at work though (it's a very large company). So when he says I don't think a work relationship is good, I can see this is probably why.

No. He's had a work relationship before - if he fancied you he'd go for it.

But he doesn't fancy you. It was an accidental swipe

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 08:03

I know a small bit of background on this guy. His ex also works at our place and they have a child together. I don't know if they get along or why they split. I know they split a while ago though. I don't think they have to see each other at work though (it's a very large company). So when he says I don't think a work relationship is good, I can see this is probably why.

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TimoteiChaletpants · 25/10/2024 08:03

don’t Respond
i predict he will then start chasing you, which won’t help your situation but at least you’ll have your dignity

Original poster

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 08:00

Secradonugh · 25/10/2024 07:40

She was with her boyfriend when we met, and after she got to know mem she broke up with her boyfriend because she felt more for me than she did for her boyfriend. I didn't know this at the time of course but I have to be honest and say I hoped and dreamed it was.
We both hoped and saw signs that both of us liked each other, but in my case I thought that I was over-reading those signs and trying to make something of nothing. I am "slightly" autistic and so found it difficult to know for certain that she wanted a long term relationship with me. When I asked her if she knew, that I lked her, she said that again, she thought and hoped so but was not at all certain. She like me was intraverted and had doubts.

I also was travelling 50 minutes each way to work but I really never minded, because I got to see her every mon-friday.

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That's a really sweet story, do you work together now?

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Secradonugh · 25/10/2024 07:40

Autumn1000 · 24/10/2024 22:42

Did you both know in those 6 years that you liked each other and we either one of you with anyone?
It's good that it worked out. Tbh I'm not planning on being at this job long term. It's a bit far for me to travel but it's good experience for what I want to do next

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She was with her boyfriend when we met, and after she got to know mem she broke up with her boyfriend because she felt more for me than she did for her boyfriend. I didn't know this at the time of course but I have to be honest and say I hoped and dreamed it was.
We both hoped and saw signs that both of us liked each other, but in my case I thought that I was over-reading those signs and trying to make something of nothing. I am "slightly" autistic and so found it difficult to know for certain that she wanted a long term relationship with me. When I asked her if she knew, that I lked her, she said that again, she thought and hoped so but was not at all certain. She like me was intraverted and had doubts.

I also was travelling 50 minutes each way to work but I really never minded, because I got to see her every mon-friday.

toadinthebucket · 25/10/2024 00:21

ZekeZeke · 24/10/2024 20:52

Yes people meet through work and form relationships
However, Tinder is for hook ups, not dating.
Don't poop on your own doorstep.

That's not true though. Tinder is for many different things. Lots of people meet their partner on Tinder. It may be for hook ups for you, but not everyone.

Dogpawssmellgreat · 25/10/2024 00:11

He swiped right without looking at the ops profile. Swipe swipe swipe swipe... Men do this all the time! Indiscriminate swiping without looking to see if anything lands.

Now he has matched with you he's thought shit. Rather than just unmatch you without saying anything (which would be rude to a colleague he knows but would do normally) he's made up an excuse. Because he doesn't fancy you.

Unmatch him op. He doesn't like you

KrisAkabusi · 25/10/2024 00:03

WigglyVonWaggly · 24/10/2024 23:02

I’d reply, “maybe you’re right.” Nothing else. If he’s joking or was only showing he’s a bit cautious, he’ll reply. If he thinks you’re in agreement he won’t. Either way, your response wouldn’t reveal your own thoughts or hopes.

Because heaven forbid two adults have an honest conversation!

ForPearlViper · 24/10/2024 23:30

A friend was adamant that she would never date anyone from her organisation although she did meet a lot of men through job. She started online dating and almost immediately met someone from work. They've been together for ten years now.

Babyghirl · 24/10/2024 23:06

ZekeZeke · 24/10/2024 20:52

Yes people meet through work and form relationships
However, Tinder is for hook ups, not dating.
Don't poop on your own doorstep.

Tinder just not for hook ups, I met my now dp on it 8 years ago, own a house and have a two year old.

WigglyVonWaggly · 24/10/2024 23:02

I’d reply, “maybe you’re right.” Nothing else. If he’s joking or was only showing he’s a bit cautious, he’ll reply. If he thinks you’re in agreement he won’t. Either way, your response wouldn’t reveal your own thoughts or hopes.