God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

How do you breathe with your head stuck so far up your own ass?

He was a child abuser OP.
A child abuser.

Don’t let his crocodile tears make you feel bad. If he felt sorry he’s had your whole adult life to apologise.

Everyone has a breaking point OP and I understand what a complicated relationship like this can look like. I think when someone grows old we are expected to somehow take them as they are now and not remember the cruelty they showed us as children. Especially if scattered in the midst of the cruelty were moments of happiness/kindness.

As another PP pointed out, he will have witnessed you sobbing as a child and paid no care or attention, so I do not think you should feel guilty for what you said.

I think perhaps this has probably shown though that exposing yourself to someone who played such a deeply traumatic part of your life is probably not good for you and should be avoided. You do not owe him anything. You are an adult now and not beholden to him like you were when you were a child.

There is but it's personal choice if you believe or what your limits are/what you're happy dishing out. She asked for opinions, not all will tell her she was in the right.

What she said is infinitesimal in comparison, even if karma was a real thing (it isn't), it wouldn't even tip the balance, so you can stop clutching pearls now.

It's not the same situation at all but I did very similar to my stepdad when he was very ill in a care home. I felt I needed to get it off my chest but it turned out to be the last time I saw him before he died shortly afterwards. I have always felt shit about having done that.

What you went through was unacceptable but I sort of feel it us us lowering ourselves to their level and I very much doubt they are having a wail of a time in their final days which in itself is almost karmic perhaps.

There is no right answer, just something you have to make peace with. It's done now, you've got it off your chest, you can't unsay it. It's up to you whether you decide to repair or let sleeping dogs lie.

There's no such thing as karma.

It's fine to wish that evil people were dead.

Please don't feel bad - as far as I'm concerned he's got away lightly. I wouldn't bother seeing him again. And as for his tears they're probably for himself, not for the way he treated you. Wishing you all the best - look after yourself - you are a good person x

Just because abusers are frail and old now doesn't mean they're not still evil people.

My grandfather was physically and emotionally abusive to my gran, mum and me. He was an alcoholic and made lives misery. To those outside the family he was a lovely man. He wasn't, he was a thief and a violent cruel man out for himself.

He developed dementia and eventually had to go into a care home (he'd expected us to let him move in with us and care for him when he couldnt live alone. We had cared for him at his home after my lovely gran died for 15 years but had the distance of always being able to walk away when it got too much and go home.

He had an awful social worker who fought hard about letting him go into full time care, even when it was obvious to anyone that it was the next step.

It was like a whole new world when a carer saw and was visibly shocked at hearing how he spoke to us and seeing what he tried to do to us when he didn't know she was in the doorway. (despite the dementia they got the fake front like those outside the house.) she told us that just because they are family we don't have to visit and be the 'bigger person' and put ourselves in that position every time. The social worker had worn us down further telling us that we had a duty of care and she would report us to the police if we walked away like we had threatened after one particularly awful event.

Tldr: he's not your problem. The only thing you "have" to do for him is to arrange of the legal disposal of his body when he dies. Don't put yourself through hell.

Well done for telling him how you felt.

Firstly I would take a great bet that you don’t understand what the real concept of karma is. Secondly, if your version of karma is real, that it’s the grandfather who’s faced it, not the op awaiting it.

In time I hope you’ll be proud of yourself

Karma is definitely real and it does sound she's regretting her actions.

Not pointless, even though the OP regrets it because she is a nice person. It's time someone stood up to that bully and gave him a few home truths. Even if he doesn't feel any remorse, he has been given a very small taste of his own medicine.

I worry this has made you feel worse so id seek counselling

@Tink3rbell30 karma isn't real. Trauma is. Ask yourself what you're getting out of trying to make OP feel worse about this.

Don't feel guilty. Did he feel guilty when he did those terrible things to you when you were a child?

Hopefully he's crying with shame, but I doubt he feels shame. He is crying for himself.

Good on you. Rotten old bastard thoroughly deserved it.

Oh shut up!

just shut up! You have nothing comforting to say to the victim of an abusive monster? Seriously Scroll the fuck on.

He was the problem. Not you.

You won’t get a bollocking from us, we’re all here to hold you and comfort the little girl who was so badly hurt. You’re safe now

I don't agree. It hasn't achieved anything, she seems to be unsure or regretful. I wouldn't want the karma from wishing someone dead either but each to their own.

So very sad that you feel bad about this. You told him how you felt, he will not be crying for you or what he did he will be crying for himself,

He taught you to blame yourself as a child, you let your angry child come through you, as an adult, and you gave that part of yourself the voice that you are entitled to.

As you know he is still the man he always was, just because he looks weak and vulnerable is what makes you feel bad.

Go home, dump this guilt and never see him again.

Oh OP, this man abused you when you were a child. Making a little girl sleep on the floor and physically attacking her is monstrous. You had no one who could protect you. There is absolutely no excuse for what he did to you. If he's sobbing now, honestly, then good. Perhaps he's realised what he did and feels remorseful, perhaps he's processing that children who get abused don't grow up to love you. He is the one who did this and is responsible, not you.

Look after yourself.

All abusers can be nice sometimes.

does not make them any less of an abuser. In fact it’s often a tactic to draw their victims in, only so they can hurt you again

Better an old man sobbing about the consequences of his own behaviour than an innocent child sobbing about her grandfather's abuse

1000% this.