God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

Just because someone gets old doesn’t mean they aren’t an abusive asshole. YANBU.

I think you should’ve shouted about all the awful things he did to you as a child, so that everyone in that care home knows he is a child abuser. Then hopefully he’ll be at the bottom of the list when it comes to receiving care

And how many times did he walk out to the sound of your sobbing? Unfortunately bullies seldom change however old they get.

This.
Daughter of a narcissist mother.

You were finally able to show him you're not a small child he can abuse now and I'm glad you told him off.

I was estranged from my adoptive mother for over 30 yrs when my brother called to say she was dying and I should come see her. I did go to the hospital and she became very agitated when she realized it was me. I lied and told her I loved her, gave her a little peck, turned around and left.

Her agitation was bc she finally couldn't control me, couldn't lie about me, she was finally the one on the wrong foot.

She died a few days later and I felt nothing. Shitty people do eventually get their just reward, you provided that to your grandfather the monster. I hope he cries every miserable day left of his life, he can cry and cry and lie to the staff wiping his sorry ass all day long while you live your happy life, hopefully surrounded by people who love you and treat you with care, love and common fucking decency. 💝

This.

Oh love. He abused you. Sustainedly. And even now he started getting angry at you for no reason. It is absolutely understandable that this triggered you into fight of flight mode. And finally, after all these years, that's what you did: verbally fight back against your abuser. The blame is on him.

He sobbed because it was true.

He's sobbing for himself - not for the little child he repeatedly brutalised.

Tend to that little part of you who is feeling misdirected and internalised shame and guilt - tell her its rage and anger that needs to be expressed.

There were a lot of adults - your DM and your DGM who didnt protect/remove you as a child from this violent monster - and still pushing you to see him - no wonder you were retraumatised - it was the fight trauma instinct coming through now that was repressed for decades.

I hope you can find professional support to heal.

Good for you. Well done

I hope the care him don't treat him like a kindly old man... Karma is indeed a thing... When my exh died I felt an actual darkness lift....
This will hopefully be the same for you op.

You stood up for yourself. Whatever he was crying about, whether shock at what you said or sadness that you said it, he was crying for himself and not for you. His feelings aren't your responsibility. You reap what you sow. I hope it was cathartic for you and helps you heal from his abuse.

Fuck him - he 's always been abusive to you & won't change now. No excuses. I feel for you OP suggest that you get some counselling & move on. Good luck darling X

He's only sobbing because he has lost all his power to hurt you- and that is literal torture for a narcissist. Dont make the mistake of thinking this is his guilt, it isnt. He is upset and the tears are because he isnt physically able to punish you like he used to and that kills him.

He's crying for himself, not you.

Good for you for telling him the truth.

It made me laugh.

You have to forgive yourself for a very natural outburst. Who knows, it may even have done some good, he might face up to things at last.

The man was abusive, I'm surprised you went to see him, it was good of you. I expect you hoped he would be a bit softened by now but he wasn't.

Put it behind you, move on.

You did the right thing. He needed to hear the truth no matter how upsetting it is. He’s probably been hiding from it for his entire life. Fuck him and his tears. He is a monster and monsters tears mean exactly nothing.

He was abusive, cruel and beyond mean to you as a little girl. No matter why he was angry you did not deserve that treatment. What you said to him was the tip of a very big iceberg, and the only reason the fecker is crying is cos he knows he has to face up to his crimes sooner rather than later now. Time is ticking and that old big hand is getting closer to his reckoning day. Good I hope he fries on the way to hell. Good for you for being so brave, I hope one day it does make you feel better to have had your say. Put it and him behind you now and try your hardest to move on with your life and make it a great one, to spite him

Don’t feel bad, he is horrible. However, you need to stop trying to justify that you are a good person. You don’t need to prove anything. You have been made to believe due to the abuse that you are less than. This is not true.

You said yourself he started getting angry about something minuscule. He is exactly the same person he was when he abused you - if he had the strength he probably would have pulled your hair- he just couldn’t.

He is probably really unpleasant to the HCAs who have to care for him. Maybe your words will stick with him and he’ll be nicer now.

Karma is as real as unicorns.

OP. What you said was more than understandable

Good that you went to see him so that you know he didn't mellow into a kindly old soul who you might have regretted not visiting. Your decision to leave and not look back is totally vindicated, don't waste anymore time thinking about him

If karma is real, then OP's grandfather only got a fraction of what he deserves today.

Can we all now just ignore the child abuser apologist. She's boring.

Except all of the replies are in agreement, apart from the one oddball who believes in karma.