God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

Doesn't make sense at all. Narcissistics are psychotic, nothing to do with believing in karma or thinking no response is sometimes better than a pointless angry response.

I have a child murderer living over the road from me, I've lived among shit people, honestly, it isn't real.

all abusers are sometimes ;

kind nice decent caring sweet remorseful funny modest empathetic generous honest helpful loving calm

that’s how they keep you hanging in there, you wait patiently hoping they will be nice again,

just because he threw you a bone from time to time does not negate or mitigate the abuse

surround yourself with good people and try to give him and his actions no place in your mind or future x

You did nothing wrong OP. And you didn't go there with the intent at saying those things to him. You were triggered by his anger - of course you were. Your experience told you to get out because otherwise he might spit at you or hit you.

Don't go and see him again - for your own sake.

He isn't a pathetic old man sobbing in a nursing home. He is exactly the same person who abused you - just older.

It makes significantly more sense than a "definite" belief in karma. Which bit are you struggling with?

OP - I don't think what you said was terrible. You spoke your mind to your abuser when it sounds like he was working himself up to be abusive just for old time's sake. You short-circuited the cycle. Well bloody done.

Honestly? Fuck him, he’s lucky he only got his ears burned, it could have landed him in prison.
As to the person here banging on about ‘karma’, who appears to now have a little cheerleader…Samuel Johnson said that patriotism was the last refuge of the scoundrel. I think these days it’s smug, po-faced, virtue signalling.

None of that makes any sense.

Oh I believe in karma and there is onle old male abuser who is now getting his! Ig it helps OP think of yourself and your visit as an instrument of Vishnu..

Oh OP. I’m sure you sobbed so many times as a child at the hands of this vile man and he had no compassion. It just shows that you are a much better person that him. I’m so so sorry for what you’ve gone through, you were perfectly within your right to say what you did.

I wouldn’t visit him again no matter how much your grandmother begs you, and I certainly wouldn’t go to the funeral when he dies.

God. Bloody good for you. I wish I'd done what you did, to my vicious scrunt of a stepfather.

He physically and emotionally abused a small vulnerable child in his care as well as his wife over what sounds like a long period. He is an abusive monster. The fact he tried to scream at you again decades later shows he has no conscience nor remorse. He has not spent time reflecting nor tried to apologise, atone nor seek forgiveness. What you said was honest and more than fair and entirely deserved. To have ignored this or said nothing would have been a betrayal to yourself. Perhaps you went back hoping things would have changed or to comfort your grandmother? You were open hearted. You have nothing to feel guilty nor ashamed about. The shame is entirely on him. Please please do not go back to see him again.

@Tink3rbell30 the thing is, the thread is supposed to be about OP and her trauma, not you and your pseudo-spiritual beliefs, or your valiant refusal to crumble in the face of common sense. There does seem to be a positive correlation between belief in karma and narcissistic traits though, so I expect you can't help putting your foot in it.

This absolutely well done you.

Karma is not some mystery thing.

If the OP was feeling joyful then what? No karma.

She'll feel so much better when she has processed this.

All those people who never got to speak their truth to Jimmy Saville. Now that's the tragedy.

Abusers hearing the truth of their actions is a celebration

Good for you! You should have said more.

Awful young people become awful old people.
Don’t be persuaded to visit again and don’t feel guilty.

@Tink3rbell30
If you don't think speaking your truth to your abuser has value then off you trot

The OP may feel awkward now because she is not used to speaking harshly but I'll put money on her feeling empowered and having spoken up for her younger self in the future.

Yes this was my point, it was unnecessary. I wouldn't back down to sheep trying to police a post and move people along 😂 don't let anyone crumble you when you've got an opinion.

He deserves it. Anyone who abuses children like that deserves to die alone.

I pride myself on not stooping to the same level as my abusers, so I agree with you @Tink3rbell30. And good for you for standing your ground. I often find myself crumbling when I am targeted by people who don't agree with me on MN.

I also feel op should forgive herself - her remorse and sensitivity are a testimony to the fact that gf did not destroy her spirit or good character.

You are not a bad person. Truthfully, I think you were nice if that's all you said to him. Let's face it, child abusers deserve to be in prison. He's lucky he's not.

God for you. Not as severe but I told my grandmother that I would not be manipulated by her anymore and would only contact her when she apologised. She died 6 months later.

The evil monster can sob. Pathetic creature that he is!!

Be kind to yourself OP. You were a little girl. He deserved your vitriol and a whole lot more anguish besides. May he rot away in his lonely chair.

A completely understandable response. You've done nothing wrong.

If you're feeling awful about it and you think it would make you feel better, you could write him a letter. You don't necessarily have to send it.

It's ok to feel conflicted. It's ok to remember good times, and it's ok to simultaneously despise him for what he did to you and your grandmother. Our feelings towards abusive caregivers are often extremely complicated.

It's easy for people to say never visit /speak to him again, but they're not the ones who have to live with the feelings that come with that, only you do. So leave things in whatever way you feel most comfortable with, regardless of what anybody else thinks.

His tears are only for himself.
He would have seen and heard you crying many times as a child but he didn't alter his behaviour.
He is reaping a fraction of what he has sown.