God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

You didn’t suggest it was pointless though, you suggested that some misinterpreted woowoo was now going to come for the OP for standing up to her abuser.

@Tink3rbell30 you've made your point. Please stop me-railing.

Not being either, I gave my opinion. Not every reply will be in agreement to the OP. There's no need for anyone to get uptight and weirdly angry if they don't agree with me thinking what she did was pointless.

Don't forgot focus-pulling.

I once sat through the questioning (English?) of a man who was sobbing, shaking, crying and telling everyone how he absolutely did not rape those women.

The evidence however was staggering. And he’d been clearly misusing his position of power for decades. Did he ever feel sorry for his victims? When they were sobbing? Did he stop? No.

he was sobbing because he was caught. Because his actions finally had consequences.

His victims hopefully did not feel bad for „making him cry“.

You should not either.

Do what makes you feel better. Never seeing him again? No problem. Telling your entire family what he did to you? Your right. Forgiving him? If that’s what you need. Writing him an angry letter where you spell out why you don’t want to see him again? Also perfectly fine. This process is about you. Not your abuser!

He was sobbing for himself not you. I don’t blame you one bit for your outburst. Just because someone has the title grandfather doesn’t make them a warm, loving person. He obviously hasn’t even changed in his old age.

Don’t beat yourself up for it and don’t concern yourself with his tears, they weren’t for you. 💐

I had a paedophile for a grandfather, I would've had no hesitation in wishing him dead were he still alive. He ruined so many lives and was a coward much like your grandfather who was fond of crocodile tears when called out on his actions. I don't believe either of these specimens had/have an ounce of regret for their actions or the pain inflicted on their victims. You are not a bad person

Are you enjoying being judgemental and superior on a thread about a victim of sustained child abuse?

No thank you, silly attempt of patronising.

You feel bad because you are a good person!

what happened here was a trauma response triggered because you saw him beginning to get angry and it triggered the damaged child part. The protective adult took over and momentarily went on high alert and maybe went further than you would have wanted.

you then immediately once you felt safe you fully recovered control and regretted how you reacted and felt bad because the reality took over again and you knew that he was just an old man but in the moment all you could see subconsciously was the massive scary monster of a man that you saw when you were so tiny and vulnerable.

It’s done and I urge you to stop beating yourself up about it. This was a one-off event aimed at a specific person who abused you triggered by behaviour that unconsciously put you imminent danger because historically that was the case.

it would never ever happen had you not been in those very specific circumstances and the likelihood even if you are in those circumstances again it will never happen again!

so let it go, learn from it but don’t allow the damage he caused which fuled this one off event to bleed into who you actually are as a person.

sprigatito
@Tink3rbell30 the thing is, the thread is supposed to be about OP and her trauma, not you and your pseudo-spiritual beliefs, or your valiant refusal to crumble in the face of common sense. There does seem to be a positive correlation between belief in karma and narcissistic traits though, so I expect you can't help putting your foot in it.
None of that makes any sense.

Nothing has ever made more sense

You cannot kick a dog and then be surprised when it bites in retaliation. He should not be shocked you are not tolerating his bullying any longer. Do not feel guilt for his tears. He was the cause of yours for many years and he is the cause of his own. If he wasn't an abusive c u next Tuesday then you wouldn't have said it. Give yourself a pat on the back and waste no more energy on him

I think it’s great you got to say those things to him before he dies - it may help you to get past some of the trauma. A bit of therapy now might be helpful as this has brought up a lot of emotions for you.

His sobbing is just him feeling sorry for himself; pure self pity, I would think. He clearly didn’t show an ounce of pity or remorse for how he treated you back then and it sounds like nobody ever called him out for it till now. More fool your grandmother making you go to visit him if she didn’t want something like this to happen.

Do you want my honest opinion of your post? Promise not to report me?

Well, you could say this was the grandfather's karma, couldn't you?

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such a tough upbringing. Your grandad sounds absolutely dreadful and abusive. I personally wouldn't have bothered even going to see him. Just go NC and forget whether his life seems sad and miserable or not. You don't owe him anything.
I understand why you said what you did. But I doubt he'll suddenly repent and become a decent person so just leave him to it and get on with your life.

I think you might need to do a bit of reading around terms you don't understand very well, then perhaps have a tiny moment of self-reflection.

If you want my honest opinion, think it makes you no better than him. Well maybe a bit, but not much..

Considering what he did to you, a vulnerable child, for years, I think he's gotten off extremely lightly at that. I hope he reflected on what he did to you when you were growing up. Please use some of that £300/mth to do something nice for yourself.

You had a trauma response to him being angry. Which is utterly normal and utterly justified. I had similar with my brother recently. How I understand it is that my anger was very deep and was brought out by him, not me. It was installed by abuse, it was surfaced by anger.

None of which is my fault. And this isn't yours. However, you probably need some help with the trauma and the anger. For you.

Don't worry - it was justified. Forgive yourself, you were standing up for the poor abused child you once were

As I said you can't police the thread or decide who comments and for how long.

Horrible how he treated you.

What a brute.

I think you have misunderstood karma, he cannot have experienced it yet.

Off you fuck now.