God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

Those sobs are tears of self-pity. Please do not try to analyse it further. Move on and be proud of your life

Good for you.

My grandfather was abusive (SA) and we all trooped on in to see him when he was dying of testicular cancer in hospital (ah the irony). I stood there and felt nothing for him. I had nothing to say to him. That was a direct consequence of his actions towards me as a teen. He had his chance to be a loving grandparent and he more than wasted it, instead choosing to damage a child. A child he had held as a tiny baby! Unforgivable. I was glad he was on his way out frankly. You reap what you sow. You can't expect to be abusive and to have a loving relationship back. It doesn't work like that. I know you might feel bad now, but what you did was to speak your truth, the one you couldn't as a child. I'm proud of you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4991681-january-2024-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

Welcome aboard.

U weren't nasty OP, just releasing pent up feelings. Take a deep breath and exhale. Let this go. You have suffered enough. Take care

I'm not, I'm responding to replies. People can stop replying if they don't want me to respond.

STOP making this about you. Clearly the op has suffered horrendous abuse, your posts are deeply unhelpful.

Nobody has blamed OP for what happened to her. I said her in person speech was pointless.

It wouldn't matter what the OP said or did. This is a nasty abusive man. Being old doesn't make any difference. The OP didn't plan this, it came out in response to his behaviour - words she wasn't able to say as a child.

Which is fine but people are trying to police the post 🤦‍♀️ they either want to keep replying to my comments or they don't.

I'm just replying to people who keep replying to my comments as I didn't agree with what OP said.

Every reply that hasn’t agreed that the OP was perfectly justified has come across as pretty despicable, so that’s why everyone is now having a go at you.
Karma, innit

Hope karma comes round to you for your victim blaming tbh.

It takes a really nasty kind of bully to keep posting about karma and arguing about it on a thread like this, having said nothing at all in support of OP. Why are you acting like this? I know you're technically allowed to, but that doesn't mean it's an ok thing to do.

So sorry for what you went through, OP. You did nothing wrong.

Meh sounds like he deserved it. Nasty twat.

You were a little kid and he took out his anger on you physically and psychologically. How much empathy did he have for you. If you have kids imagine doing that to them, you wouldn’t would you? You have to be a sack of shit. He also beat your grandmother. He has had zero empathy towards the people he was supposed to love the most.

He made you responsible for his own failings as a child, don’t take the burden of his failings now.

Which is your opinion, the same as my opinion is that it was pointless and unnecessary. And both opinions are fine.

Ohhhhhh OP.

There was no way you were going to come away from that visit feeling good, no matter what you said or didn't say, or what he did or didn't do.

Take away from this, he is the same person he always was, which is a vile abuser, and you let him have a tiny bit of the truth which in time, once you realise you're NOT an awful person at all, you're a damaged person responding to a deep seated trigger, is probably a good thing for your mental health.

Fuck what anyone else thinks, because they are not you, they were not that small child being abused by an adult who was supposed to care about, and for them.

Don't let the fact that sometimes he wasn't abusive, colour your recollection of the things he actually did. No one can be actively abusive 100% of the time (agree re Stately Homes thread) - life is just not that black and white. He was abusive, what he did in between being an abuser doesn't erase that.

I hope all the shits he ever does the rest of his miserable life, are made of barbed wire.

Someone telling her horrendously abusive grandfather a few well overdue home truths is as bad as him?

🙄 Go give your head a wee wobble.

Very much like your comment about karma then. Pointless and unnecessary.

He cried because he was confronted with the truth, almost certainly he was crying for himself that he no longer has the strength to grab you there and then and make you pay for those words. It would be nice to think he cried because he felt so bad - but I think he would have shown remorse long before now if he was going to

Your grandmother didn’t stay because of you op, she stayed for herself because it was the easiest option for her. There were refuges and family members she could have turned to, had she wanted to protect you properly. She choose not to.

You must now protect yourself. You owe these people nothing at all. Nothing can be gained from any further visits, he does not deserve them and has done some truly atrocious things to you op.

Please see a verified bacp therapist and start taking care of yourself and spend the charity money on the person who deserves to be cared for - you. I promise it will be worth every penny.

I hope so much you can move on from this visit. Your grandfather has an opportunity to apologise if he is truly ashamed of his actions, I suspect that will not be forth coming.

The young part of you wanted to finally stand up for yourself after all of these years, good on you op! You only told the truth and that may be difficult to hear but harder to endure as a defenceless child my darling.

I did, my first comment says it's pointless and unnecessary.

OP, I hope your grandmother is getting some respite and is able to enjoy her life a little more now.

None of us really realised what hell my grandmother's life with my grandfather must have been until he went into a home. She had almost a total personality change. She went from years (decades) of being awful to those who she perceived as being below her in the pecking order to being much nicer, more genuine and more relaxed. She made amends with my mother (her DIL, who she'd been appalling to for years - power to my mum for being willing and able to forgive) and then when my grandfather died a few years later it was like she was finally free. Heartbreaking to think about the 51 years of her life spent shackled to her abuser.

i know exactly how you feel op. there have been times in my life when i thought saying just how i felt about someone who was behaving horribly would help me. but to be honest, it never really did. just made me feel nasty and felt futile and pointless. he 100% deserved it and i dont blame you at all but in the end, it didn't give you any solace. there is a reason forgiveness is powerful and it is for YOUR sake not his. op, you deserve to move on and never see that man again. see your grandmother and give HER your love. refuse to see your grandfather in future and try not to even spare him another thought or headspace.

Frankly, you were restrained! I would not have gone to see him, but if I had, I’d have been a whole lot worse, no fucking mercy for someone who was so abusive. Sobbing, was he? Count up the times he made you sob, bet there’s so many you can’t. Hope you’re ok, you were well within your rights, I reckon.

But that in no way detracts from the abusive treatment he dished out. You said what needed to be said. He deserved nothing less.

Put yourself first and not him. You got if off your chest, and if you hadn’t done, you might well have regretted not confronting him before he dies.

Do you also feel pity for the sobbing defendants in the Pelicot trial?

Should women quietly sit and say nothing in the face of their abusers?