God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

Do you know the Stately Homes thread? You will find many people who are truly understanding there x

Good for you, he may be your grandfather but he's an abuser. He deserved it

I'm not one bit surprised you reacted like you did. He actions most likely triggered old memories and what he was like as a child. Possibly like, a trauma response.

Forgive yourself immediately. Your words may have make have been abusive but they aren't even remotely close to the abuse he put you through.

Be kind to yourself, you are only human.

I really don't think you have done anything wrong.

i dare say you sobbed hundreds of times when he’d battered you, your Gm or pulled your hair etc etc.

he didn’t stop abusing you he carried on. He didn’t feel bad at abusing you.

you’re not abusing him, you’re an adult who was triggered by the fear he instilled in you as a tiny child.

that fear is overwhelming

you never have to se him again. At least now he knows that what he did was wrong and you don’t forgive him

he doesn’t deserve any better. You’ve said your piece. It needed to be said. In time you’ll feel peace in knowing you stood up for yourself

Oh stop, OP was more than justified.

People like him would never take it on board. It would turn into anger and then the same tears, only of self pity. The old abuser lines would come out - ‘I tried my best, I didn’t ask for this life, do you know much I did for you? How much I had to sacrifice?’ and all that boring, irrelevant nonsense that only a narcissistic knows how to truly weaponise.

Pointless and unnecessary and it sounds like you regret it. It didn't achieve anything.

Good. Well done.

You should be proud of yourself and celebrate.

Never, ever, EVER, worry about upsetting people who aren't worried about upsetting you.. or treating you like dirt.

I think you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you don't say anything before he dies you would probably regret not confronting him and getting it off your chest. There's no right thing, sounds like you had a difficult childhood and he let you down x

Wish I could have said exactly the same to either of my parents in this lifetime. I hope you find closure op, not guilt. You shouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

Any full grown man that abused children and women deserves to cry. He deserves everything you said to him and so much more x

Seriously don't see him again. If a person has a bad effect on your mental health it's only sensible to try and avoid them as much as possible.

I think you would have been better telling him calmly what he did to you and how it made you feel. I probably wouldn't have gone at all as the best revenge is a happy life.

He deserved it and deserved some home truths. I hope you're ok OP

Good for you. He sounds awful.

Don't feel guilty but look after yourself and seek some counselling.

You don't have to go to see him again, whatever your Grandma says.

You feel something because you have empathy, which he clearly completely lacks. That's why you feel bad because he cried. Frankly, he needed to be told because his behaviour was appalling, and now he's old and knackered and can't mistreat you anymore. Whenever you feel a pang of guilt for what you said, remember it was very much justified given what he did to you.

That must make you feel really uncomfortable, OP, because you're a good person. Your grandfather is not. I bet he wasn't sobbing with remorse for what he put you and your grandmother through, it was purely self pity.

Don't be too hard on yourself, his behaviour on your visit triggered that reaction. He obviously hasn't changed much.

Hugs.

I'm sure he saw and heard you sobbing numerous times, while you were a child.
It obviously didn't make him feel guilty or remorseful.
I'm waving pom poms in celebration of you finally getting to say your piece.

Better an old man sobbing about the consequences of his own behaviour than an innocent child sobbing about her grandfather's abuse.

Don't reflect on him sobbing, reflect on how you have struck a blow back for the poor little child who was bullied. He had no care for your tears as a child. But perhaps better not to visit him again.

Do not bother to visit him again. Grandmother should be ashamed of herself for asking.