It's just a fiver

I stopped putting in to collections last year when I realised that if I had put in £5 to every collection the year before it would have come to a total of £95! I’ve worked at that place for 10 years so I must have spent at least £50 a year on collections which is ridiculous if you add it all up.

I did carry on paying in to collections for a couple of years after my 40th when no one organised a collection (until they realised they’d missed it and it was a panic / scrabble around to get things - which was sweet of them but basically I realised then that no one really gave a shit about me. Not even people I thought were close colleagues).

So I’m slightly jaded… but still feel quite humiliated by that experience.

Same in our workplace, with the addition of a collection for "O" birthdays.

And often a bring & share lunch/cake. Sometimes even without an occasion 😋

She's very insensitive. There have been times in my life when £5 had to last me a fortnight.

YANBU at all, OP. Office whip-rounds are one of the many reasons I'm so glad I wfh now. My last in-office job I was in a large department and the whip-rounds were endless, often for people I barely knew. It does get expensive. And it doesn't always work out equitably either.

I'd push back. A fiver for you is worth more than to someone earning more. What are the percentages of your hourly rate?

We are in a cost of living crisis and people are still expecting collections?

I no longer give to any collection. If I'm friends with a colleague I might ask a select few if they'd like to join me or get a present for the person myself.

I've been asked for moving in, getting engaged, getting married, babies being born, death in the family, off sick and leaving contributions often for the same people. When does that circle around as I'm not engaged, married and will not be having a baby. And when I've been on long term sick I didn't get anything.

Tell her no. This is pressure that amounts to bullying.

We asked who wanted to be involved in birthday collections then allocated people at random to another person. They then had a £10 budget to get their person a gift off "everyone". It was a nice way of doing it, a lot less money (£10 a year each) but also forced you to be a bit more creative than flowers and a gift card. Plus there wasn't the stress such as when there were five birthdays in the same month

It’s unlikely to be just the one though, isn’t it?

Birthdays = a card signed by everyone around.

Leaving/retirement = whip round for present
Bereavements = whip round for flowers
Marriage/baby = whip round for vouchers

But all voluntary and never any set amounts.

It’s not a legally required tax, it’s your money and you said no. End of story. Very bad reply from her!!!

When I worked in an office I opted out of it all - birthday cakes, gifts for all sorts of things - as much because I do not want these things as because I did not want to donate. Who wants an office birthday gift? Some generic crap no one cares about. Loads did after me and it all ground to a halt, much better. Male dominated environments like garages/road workmen etc never engage in this shite and it feels an extension of the 'be kind' crap to me.

Cannot stand collections at work. Worse is charity stuff.

That's disgusting that they asked you to contribute that amount, but hopefully you'd never do it again!

How is she doing the collection, is it an envelope going round with cash? I never have a fiver in my purse so couldn’t do it anyway but I’m with you on the tight budgeting. Every penny counts at the moment and there could be another collection for someone else in a couple of weeks, so that’s another fiver.

You can only be stingy if you have money. Genuinely poor is a different thing.

There shouldn't be work collections unless possibly a voluntary one for a big birthday/baby etc. If they try & collect for everyone invariably someone will be forgotten so that's unfair. I even put a stop to birthday cards for this reason. Stick to your guns. It's not for her to say if she thinks you should be able to afford it. If it means so much to her she should pay the whole thing. My old manager did this, just bought flowers & chocolates out of her own money

I’m usually in charge of collections at work and I always stress that they’re completely optional and no pressure.

She shouldn't expect people to contribute or set the amount. Should be voluntarily and up to the person giving as to how much.

I only ever put £1 into collections. £2 if I like the person

What a pain in the arse! I used to work somewhere where there was always someone leaving/birthday/had baby. Most of the time I did not know them!

Luckily it is only leaving dos now and often I do not know the person so don't contribute! Thankfully no secret santa either. Fuck off with that!!

Well done! Stick to your No.

As she's your manager, point out that you obviously need a substantial pay rise. Then you might be able to consider contributing to the next collection.

Where I work it's a very arms length general email "if anyone would like to contribute towards a little gift for Jane's birthday, let Amanda know and she can give you her bank details". No mention of amount, no pressure and there's still the option to just add a message to the card (which is often an ecard nowadays)

it's the only way not to piss off the staff.

Are you sure she was actually demanding the money or was the wording more along the lines of "suggested contribution of £5". Could you have misinterpreted the ask?

I can't imagine a manager so clueless as to turn a whip-round into a legally binding obligation, but I expect there will be some...

My work place has a sensible way of doing it. First they ask you want to put in, perfectly ok if not and this made clear every time. It's at each person's discretion how much they want to give, no comments made or pre determined sum.

YANBU. We stopped the annual birthday collections in our team because it seemed daft to contribute £5 per birthday and then get it all back on your own birthday. It was always a voucher.

Now we just do a happy birthday on a Teams chat, and if it's your birthday and you're going to be in the office that week you might bring in something nice to share with coffee, or not, no pressure.

We still celebrate significant events (retirement, "big" birthdays, baby, wedding etc) with a whip round but it's absolutely voluntary and everyone can sign the card regardless of contribution.