It's just a fiver

My DD had this yesterday. Someone from accounts phoned down and asked why she and her boss hadn’t put any money in for X’s leaving gift. DD said because she doesn’t carry cash.

Her boss scrabbled in the bottom of her handbag and came up with £1.60 so they gave that between them which the accounts woman was very po-faced about 😂. DD and her boss have worked there for a month and never even met X.

Years ago, at a PTA meeting, the PTA were deciding to charge entry for the school fete at £1 an adult and 50p a child, "as it's nothing." I volunteered at the CAB at the time, and had seen white-faced people come in needing food bank vouchers, having walked miles to reach us as they couldn't afford the bus. I made referrals to (the new thing, at the time) of baby banks, because there was no money in the budget for shoes or uniforms, or even toiletries. We handed over vouchers for energy, too, for key budget meters. I knew just how painfully tight financial decisions were for some families.

I asked, what about a mum who has to spend £2.50 on getting in, before spending a fiver on the bits and bobs and even that being almost nothing compared to peers - and they wanted to make it "nothing" when she very possibly had a fiver a day per person for food after all other basic living costs, as it was? And I was met with thinly veiled impatience because nobody, nobody could be so skint that that was an issue for them.

People's idea of "nothing" is all too often based on utter ignorance on how other people live.

If you spend a fiver per birthday and there are 20 people in the office, that's £100 a year. Throw in that for leaving, babies, retirement and illness and it's doubled. That's not "nothing" at all for a large number of people.

It's not stingy when money is tight and you have to account for every penny.

The more I think about that Not much of team player… comment, the more outrageous I find it. There's a real spiteful bullies demanding money with menaces tone to it - 'pay up or I'll tell everyone you're a bad person'.

Maybe the OP needs to go beyond saying 'no' and get HR to veto any of this threatening nonsense.

Tell her exactly this. She doesn't have the same financial challenges as you. Other staff might feel same as you and be grateful you have raised this....

A good few years ago now when i was a seriously struggling student nurse and totally poor but trying to better my life, my daughter was finishing nursery and one of the mums told everyone that we had to give £2 towards a leaving present, i literally didnt have it barely scraping by and i was upset and told her i didnt, she was so rude to me and made me feel like shit, i ended up so upset by the way she treated me like how can i not afford it. I remember posting on here about it and so many people made me feel better about things and donated stuff and all sorts to me, it felt like i had many guardian angels looking after me at that time. I never forgot how mums on here made me feel and gave me hope again. Now a qualified nurse for many years and i give back all the time and always pay it forward. Those days taught me a lot and changed me to the person i am now.. Forever grateful to mumsnet

It might have been said without thinking.
Opting out is the only solution.

Not in my contract to be forced to hand over cash on a regular basis for gifts. Are you that insecure you need a little pressie from people you work with! Grow up!

I only give anything if I like the person, however, I don’t give to Birthday collections. They are work colleagues not friends and I’m happy to not receive any either.

I always refuse secret Santa shite too! It’s a total waste of money, who needs tat from a work colleague.

I don't say that I can't afford it. I just say I am opting out.

YANBU, especially in this financial climate.

At a place I used to work, there was a birthday club, and you had to opt in. And then it was £x per month to the organiser. They would then give the money to one of the members to buy a gift for the birthday girl/boy (it was a bit like secret Santa). If you didn't opt in, you weren't bothered. I thought it a good idea if you're going to do that sort of thing - that way, the people who dont want to participate don't have to

'not much of a team player'

Not just judgy but ridiculous

spending money isn't play

work isn't play

teamwork isn't about accepting compulsory purchase of birthday presents for strangers

I think work place collections should be voluntary and handled with care. As an aside to a previous comment, I don’t think it’s a ‘be kind’/female workplace thing. I’ve worked in a male dominated environment for nearly 10 years and we do collections. Not for birthdays, but other life events. For birthdays, the birthday person brings in cake if they want to, but that’s it and it’s far less common now we’re hybrid working.
People put in what they can afford…sometimes that’s nothing, sometimes it’s generous. I don’t put cash in to collections for people outside of my team or project team, but I may sign the card. For collections, I put in a few quid when I was a skint grad, now I put in £5 - £10 depending on what/who it’s for, with the exception of putting £50 when our department admin/PA lady retired cause the amount of help she gave to everyone, she deserved a hefty contribution!

I can't believe companies still allow someone to go around like this, no-one should be embarrassed or coerced into giving.
Common practice at ours was for office admin to send an envelope and a card around, you could sign it, add some ££ to envelope if you wished and then pass it along....

So say the people who HAVE £2/£5...

We had a collection for someone leaving recently- we are v small team, first person to leave in years. An amount was suggested but people gave less and more. I took the bacs payments as was buying the gifts.
I used to work in places we had collections all the time and I gave a quid or so depending n who it was for - if they were a friend I’d give more.,

This was my thought too. Not much of team player…

This is the attitude that causes the pressure though isn’t it? You’ve acknowledged OP saying she doesn’t have the money but called her stingy anyway?
It’s not £2, it’s £5, and if she does it for one she’ll have to do it for every birthday collection, so it’s not even just £5 really is it. She DOES NOT have the money spare. That’s it, end off.
Stick to your guns OP, the money you earn at work is for you, not for you to feel pressured into spending at work! That doesn’t make you ‘stingy’, you need your money and that’s that.

Even if you can afford to pay a fiver, why should someone appoint themself to decide and enforce an amount? You might be able to afford £5, £10, £100 but it’s your choice whether you contribute or not.

Good for you OP. Office collections are a menace. So long as you’re clear that you don’t want or expect one for yourself in any circumstances it’s reasonable.

I hate being dictated to, if I want to put in it will put in what I can afford or not at all

It’s becoming ridiculous at my work, everyone is leaving the company because it’s shit, and multiple people are leaving a month and I’m in endless WhatsApp groups for whip arounds for people that aren’t even on my team. I used to chip in but stopped now, it was getting too expensive.

YANBU because it sets a precedent for the £5 being expected every time it’s someone’s birthday and that could add up to a fair amount over the year!

I personally really dislike collections like this. It doesn’t happen where I work but did happen in my DS’s reception class last year before the summer holidays and I just didn’t join in so I was ostracised and parents are still off with me now. We baked buns for the teachers and DS made them a nice card which they were chuffed with. No need for the forced collection for a spa voucher or whatever it was.

But its not right to expect anyone to spend their money on strangers?

An envelope would get passed around for a collection - I would at most put in £2 - sometimes just hand the envelopes on.