Feeling left out of family get togethers

I'd agree with that. Maybe they did what they wanted to do and didn't want to tweak it to be a toddler environment. That's not a wrong thing to do.

I remember a few years ago, arranging to meet a friend that we don't meet very often in a small restaurant. We both had families and we found one that would the relative ages of our children, and were really looking forward to it.
A mutual friend found out about it and wanted to join, complaining that we were leaving her out. I have to be quite honest, I felt a bit put out because they meet up loads due to living close. If she'd asked me if I wanted to meet up that evening while I was in the area, I'd have been delighted, because I'd have had a good time catching up with both.
So then she announced that a restaurant didn't suit her because she'd just got a new puppy, and it couldn't be left for longer than 90 minutes, so could we go for a walk instead.
I was not impressed. I (and my family) do not enjoy walks, which she is totally aware of - it's been a bit of a joke between us for years. I knew if I told my family it was a walk, they'd probably opt out too. It was also January, so potentially not particular nice weather.
I also think a large group (would have been about 15 of us) walking means that people tend to pair off, that my friend who had toddlers would have been distracted keeping an eye on them. I felt it would change a nice catch up time totally.
I pushed back and said I'd rather keep to the same arrangement. In the end she came, and left promptly at the end, which was fine. But it still changed the situation, because it was a bigger table, less time, felt far more fraught.
It's meant that I feel less inclined to meet up with the second friend now because I realised things have to be round them unless I stand firm. And we tend to keep out meeting up with our first friend very quiet.

So Op, what I'd suggest is asking your sister for a separate meet up. You can catch up together as a pair much better and you can arrange something that suits you both. Asking them to change what they want to do is not fair.

or for them to have tweaked the city break to make it something I could come to with DS

I‘m not sure you can ’tweak’ a city break so that it’s toddler friendly though, it would be a completely different holiday. It’s fine for them to want a city break and fine for your mum do some things with one of her kids sometimes. Do you invite your mum to do stuff when your sister isn’t there?

What’s your relationship with them like generally-when you’re all together, do you get on? If you suggested a city break/weekend away next year with your mum and your sister, and your DH had the baby-do you think that would be fun? Would you all want to do similar things? Do you have a similar amount of spending money?

My DC were/are well behaved but 3 and no car seemed to get us automatically excluded and not invited to wider family events.
Not invited at all @SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun ? Quite rude, but without a car could you have gone? Would they not consider somewhere you could get to on public transport?

I think maybe as they don't see each other all that often, perhaps your mom wants to spend some time one on one with your sister or maybe your sister wants some undivided mom time. Frankly I think expecting them to 'tweak' their plans to include a toddler is a bit bonkers.
Most people except their parents maybe find holidaying with toddlers hell on earth.

Sounds very strange of them but listen - you have your own little boy now and learn from this to be happy with your own little family

pull back from your mum

First day on the internet?

Oh I’m sorry that you’re hurting and feeling left out.
Im going to make a point that might be insensitive but might not… Sometimes I prefer to not invite certain people along to things because they dominate the situation and I’d like to focus on the other person. Also these are the personalities that often react the worst to not being invited along.
In the kindest possible way, could this be you?

I have lots of siblings and one in particular is very difficult/dominating, buts hates when we do things without her. So sometimes we don’t tell her. I know that sounds bad, but people are allowed to spend time alone.

I might be projecting, so apologies if I’m way off the mark xx

How do you feel about it op? Your mother’s behaviour is not okay.

I too would pull right back and focus on your own family and friends. Your family are supposed to have your back - and sadly yours definitely do not. Invest your time in others.

OP this sounds so hurtful. Of course you're upset at being left out, even if the reason is that you have your DS. Please ignore those looking to be spiteful.

It's possible that it's simply easier and cheaper to make child-free plans. You can't know their reasons. But it's hurtful, and I wonder if there is some way that to explain that to your mum.

Very normal to feel like you’re being excluded, because you are. Have you spoken to your half sister about this? Are you 2 close?

My DP started doing this - it would come out later and if I said anything they'd get upset and defensive - it seemed worse when Dsis was there with her child or cousins with their kids.

My DC were/are well behaved but 3 and no car seemed to get us automatically excluded and not invited to wider family events. It did at times upset me - then life moved us much further away and everyone seemed happier - nice excuse. The downside my kids don't really know my family at all and aren't really bothered about changing that and that seems to upset them now.

The one that takes me back now in in phone calls where Dmum says I'll discus that with my daughter - meaning Dsis - and I think well what am I then chopped liver - mostly try and view it as a quirk.

You won't be able to change how they behave - just how you deal with it so focus on your little family or people who do include you and take an emotional step back.

Honestly, I think you are being over sensitive.

Essentially they decided to take trip to see you sister. They don’t have to invite you every time. You even say that. You wouldn’t have minded if they told you.

They are allowed to see her on her own.

And they have told you, this time but you still aren’t happy. I think it’s too much to expect to automatically be involved in things because your sister is.

I assume you see your mum without your sister there?

Being honest isn't being mean!
I live near my parents my sister lives abroad when my sister visits I don't expect my mum involve me in everything they do, because I have time with my mum without my sister so why isn't my sister allowed the same courtesy?

That makes more sense if you felt being left out is a pattern. You would have been valid if this was dealt with when you were all in the same house but I guess you were a child then.

Right now, it doesn't make them unreasonable to want to do things together without you and family in tow.

But you have your own family now? Why do you still want to be treated like a child without your own child. And they can see each other without you there, or want to plan a holiday that's not centred around a child? A bit bizarre that you have your own child and family, but expect your parents to include you in their own plans as if you're a little child still living at home?!

Honestly you sound like a spoilt brat! And your mum's response was correct. If she's not allowed to spend time with your sister without you being involved then she isn't allowed to spend time with you without your sister being involved!

@Namechangeddddd14393039576998689 Why don’t you invite your half sister to stay with you or go for a holiday in Ireland and drop in to see her? Why don’t you take any initiate? You cannot wait around for your mum all the time. I’m also wondering why Dsis doesn’t want to meet your baby? It’s not like she lives in Australia! I’m not sure how close you are. Do you phone, text etc? Or do you just wait to be invited along? I’d get a bit more proactive. Organise a second birthday party for DC and invite everyone!

Clearly there is an issue. Let's not pretend there isn't. It could be they don't want to do child friendly things, it could be they want to spend time together alone... but they definitely don't want you there as if they would they would say "let's meet up, I'll just give x a call and see if she can get a sitter and come along too. Be lovely to see Dsis after a long while"

Iv been on both sides of this - being excluded by certain family members and actually vocalising I didn't want x to come along as it changed the vibe and dynamic. I'm upfront "I'm seeing x for a spa day on weds, are you available on Thurs? We could do soft play or glass of vino if you have a sitter?"

That way I'm not excluding just setting out my stall so to speak.

well do they live near you ? Maybe your half sister wants to spend time with her parents without it necessarily being catered to toddler friendly activities. I don't think it's a slight against you, they just want to do more adult things.

Do you see your mother without your sister at all?

@MintCrab At first yes. I left home at 18 and (rightly or wrongly) thought I was still part of the family. But the theme unfortunately continued over the years and I am now very low contact with mother and no contact with sister.

Did you want their company?

Presumably you live close to your mum and see her a lot.
Your half sister doesn't.

Your mum may want to see your half sister without you and especially without a toddler who naturally will have to have a lot of revolving round because of his age. That's not being unfair.

I'm in the opposite position. We moved away from my family. My siblings and parents live close and do things together that I wouldn't expect them to invite me to because it wouldn't be practical. I'd never begrudge them that.

But I do find it irritating on a few occasions when I have arranged to meet one of my family and one of my siblings has been very vocal about feeling they're being left out because actually it's me who is the one left out most of the time, and meeting up with one is much easier and much better for catching up. If I meet up with them all, they'll start talking about the next time they're meeting up (without me) or something they've got a common ground on, so I don't feel I've spent good time with them.