To think monogamy is outdated?

Historically, monogamy has only really been 'promoted' for women.

It's always been at least tacitly accepted that men, rich men at any rate, should not be expected to restrict themselves to just one woman. The same leniency, of course, is not extended to their wives.

No one fills all your needs for life, you grow up and fill your own needs as does the partner you have chosen for life. Monogamy isn't outdated, expecting someone to cater and care for all your needs is.

Why would being monogamous mean that one person has to 'fulfill your life's needs'? I do t expect anyone to fulfill all my needs...I am quite capable of fulfilling my own needs!

I am also monogamous...in that I don't cheat on a current partner. I'm also not married (and will not be ever again!) Being monogamous doesn't have to mean that you have only 'the one' person for the rest of your life 🤷‍♀️

Maybe you mean 'getting married and staying monogamous forevermore' is outdated? This, I could agree with 👌🏻

Monogamy isn't a concept it is an evolutionary survival tactic that humans, unusual for mammalian species, use.

It is perfectly natural for us to be monogamous in evolutionary terms. This tactic helped humans to form larger groups to hunt, farm, and grow larger brains. There are various theories as to why we developed that way but I suspect the larger our brains got the more developmentally early our children needed to be born and vastly more care for longer periods of times are required for raising children than most other mammals.

It's personal and social interpretations of monogamy in a conceptal form that is at fault.

" Brain activity. A study found that monogamous males have more active genes involved in neural development, cell signalling, learning, memory, and cognitive function than more promiscuous males. "

Just saying

I think there is enormous benefit to bringing children up in a nuclear family, particularly boys.

I never would have agreed with this before this year (dh blindsided me and told me he’s not sure of us anymore). We’ve both been doing soul searching and my god we both aged so differently (he became responsible, I became more ‘what will be will be). I don’t know if we’ll make it but I do look at eg mum and dad who remained the team me and dh were, so happy together until the end and I suppose this is a ‘it depends on the people’. It’s a lovely idea, and I know a lot who’ve weathered storms and are in love after thirty plus years together

Having said the above the polyamourous/open relationships I've known look exhausting and generally end up in just as much heartbreak as monogamy, if not more

No ones forcing anyone to be monogamous.

If you want to be single and sleep around your whole life, go for it. If you want to be polyamorous or in an open relationship, go for it. If you prefer shorter relationships, go for it.

As long as the people you are in a relationship are aware and happy with the type of relationship then it's up you to determine whether you are monogamous or not.

I often find "monogamy is outdated" is just an excuse to cheat.

There's good reason why monogamy has been promoted as the healthy choice for hundreds of years.

It prevents accidental incest, genetic bottlenecks and inbreeding.

YABU. As many others said, being monogamous doesn't mean expecting one person to fulfil all of one's needs. That entirely erases that relationships other than romantic and sexual ones exist and meet our needs and our ability to meet our own needs.

That could be called Romanticism, a philosophy and movement that includes many ideals around emotions and some from that movement included the ideal that romantic love was the ultimate form, which has shaped modern cultures arguable in a harmful manner - including the discussions around polyamory - though that too would erase many aspects of Romanticism. Maybe a mix of Freud and his whole 'sex as the ultimate drive' nonsense has gotten in there too.

While technically polyamorous in having the capacity to and previously enjoyed having multiple romantic relationships, I merrily live as monogamous in a relationship where we have technically been 'open' throughout and we've been in polyamorous spaces, but neither have had much interest in pursuing other relationships since we moved in together over two decades ago. While obviously not all polyamorous people are like this, lot of polyamory spaces are stuck on ideas of monogamy that have never been how most experience having one partner and act like they're being so free, independent, and breaking so many social norms, while falling into centuries old cultural ideals and the social norms that value romantic and sexual partners above all other emotional bonds. It's really not that radical or modern and having multiple romantic relationships only means you have multiple romantic relationships - it does not mean you are more free, more independent, or anything else about you or your relationships.

I misread your post. I thought it said that mahogany is outdated 😂

Everybody is entitled to live their lives in the way they chose.
I believe in monogamy as a relationship model and I feel it's the most stable way to bring up children. And emotionally I couldn't handle any other type of relationship.
But other people are perfectly entitled not to have monogamous relationships so long as they are open and honest about their intentions not to be monogamous.
The problem is when people enter into relationships - and take vows if they marry -where their partner believes they have a monogamous relationship but in fact one of the couple has other sexual or emotional partners outside the relationship.
So no I don't think monogamy is outmoded. But it's not the only option.

Yep monogamy completely outdated for me. Personally, celibacy is the way forward.

He doesn't fulfil all of my needs.

He fulfils all of my sexual needs, which are pretty basic.

First of all I read it is Mahogany- which is outdated. Oak is so much nicer.

I don't think monogamy is outdated. I think people have weak and selfish characters.

Hit and run by the OP? Has she nothing to contribute to her own thread?

No one is saying you have to be monogamous. I find monogamy natural so it's easy. If you don't find that then don't do it, but it doesn't mean monogamy is outdated just because you don't want it.

I heartily agree.

Society is largely comprised of over-rigid applications of incredibly natural instincts. We ignore our natural instincts at our peril - and we can only nudge them if we understand them.

Take racism as a different example. Racism at a biological level comes from a natural fear of the outsider, because an outsider might be a threat. Same deal when it comes to class, nationality, religion etc. It's not a correct or useful impulse in our current society. Doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

Back on topic, humans naturally pair bond, and they naturally feel sexual jealousy etc, and our babies require a familial social group to be raised to semi independence. Just because we've added in marriage and religion and think ourselves oh so modern doesn't mean that those impulses don't exist.

Surely monogamy means just one person at a time? Not one person for life?

Anyway, I think monogamy as in one mate at a time is the way to go but I'd also agree with the poster who says expecting another person to be your only fulfillment is ridiculous.

But if you're taking monogamy as one person in your life, then I agree.

Monogamy does not equal 'all your needs' and never ever has, If I have toothache I go to the dentist for a root canal not my DH etc...

Monogamy means not romantically or sexually spreading yourself around.

Nobody is stopping you OP if you want to have a lot of partners or be in open relationships have at it.

I'm married and happily monogamous my DH fulfills my intimate relationship needs and we are very much in love. Neither of us is jealous or possesive people. I regard myself as a self sufficient person who doesn't need all my needs fulfilled by another person. I enjoy solitary time as well as time with friends.

I've seen some attempts by people at non monogamy and I've never seen it work out for them but I'm aware it may work for some people. Personally I am not interested in it but have no issue with what others choose to do.

.....and that's why they make vanilla and chocolate.

Why would it be outdated?

its works for some and not for others, many feel this is what they want and later change their mind

i do not think people have changed in regards to this its always been this way just its easier now to connect with others who are feeling the same way