To think monogamy is outdated?

*peopled out

In today’s world where we value personal freedom and independence

Everyone values these to a greater/smaller extent though, some people might value a strong sense of community more than independence/personal freedom?

Also people place different amounts of importance on romantic love as opposed to familial love.

Finally, as an introvert I am all peopled put with just the one husband 😄 Serial dating sounds exhausting!

No one else will ever fulfil all of our needs, we need to do that for ourselves. I think monogamy works for lots of people across the world, it seems that most people in a loving relationship want to keep it exclusive, but whether they can keep faithful forever comes down to the individual.

I don't think monogamy is the problem- though maybe for some people. It's the loss of community, that's why we're relying on one person for so much.

I think that’s right. Monogamy is not normal or natural biologically or emotionally.

It makes a lot of sense economically and in the raising of children so we are told it’s the only way.

Short term it can work for a season: in the first flush of new love and whole raising small children. But I don’t think 60 years of sleeping with the same person comes naturally to anyone.

I think marriage would make a lot more sense if we acknowledged that it usually outlives it purpose and removed the guilt and the morality.

You can be a serial monogamist though.

YANBU, if you are actually interested in other people (men) after being in a long term relationship/marriage. (Example).
But I get where you're coming from, one person for life is boring.

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Absolutely. I’ve always been happy to be in a sexually monogamous relationship but both having our own lives as well as doing things together.

Yes I think it is unrealistic but isn't that why we have friends?

It's worked for most societies for hundreds of thousands of years, so I don't see why you think it doesn't any more. The main thing is for dch to feel secure and be well cared for, which doesn't necessarily mean their parents have to be faithful to each other - other systems are available. But monogamy is the main one.
But you're making a mistake if you expect your partner to fulfil your every need and be everything to you - that's why we have friends and wider family. I do stuff without DH (and vv) but we are together because we want to be.

Slow day at the Daily Mail Features desk today, OP?

Why you hope it will go away?

Surely, monogamy is a chose and there's nothing wrong with people chosing it is it works for them.

I totally believe in monogamy but it doesn't mean that I, in any way, have chosen one person to fulfil all my needs.

I think I am intrinsically monogamous. DH and I have been together since we were teenagers, our kids are adults now and neither of us has ever had the slightest flicker of "what if" or regret. We are both very happy with our future of going for long walks, cooking and doing jigsaws together 😂 despite various people insisting that we are co-dependent, boring, weird, nauseating, to name but a few. I don't judge others (my best mate is in a queer polycule) and I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.

Monogamy works brilliantly for those who are inclined that way. It shouldn't be forced on anyone who isn't.

I think you are straw manning a bit OP. What do you term “monogamous”, and which bit is old fashioned.

In my opinion the majority of non-monogamous people are just cheats. The numbers who are non-monogamous and transparent with all partners about the reality of the status of the relationship is small. When there are child rearing duties to be carried out, it is even fewer.

I also think most people when faced with the reality of running a string of horses find they don’t really have the stomach for it.

Without monogamy children will never be sure who their fathers are, or fathers sure who their children are.

Ancestry becomes a mess.

Responsibility and accountability for children goes out of the window.

Expecting one person to fulfil ALL of your needs in life?

That's not a husband or wife; that's a Smithers!

Monogamy is not the expectation that one person will fulfill all your needs for life.

Some things are easier to build with stability. Knowing you should be able to rely on one person and form a unit works well for many.

100% agree. In a society with increased reproductive rights, sexual health awareness and the independence & education of women, hopefully monogamy will go the way of the dodo and the institution of marriage will be reformed. We're already seeing more women choosing to be childfree and reduced marriage rates.

Surely monogamy means just one person at a time? Not one person for life?

That would be serial monogamy.
Not the same thing.

The reason monogamy works for me is that by having one relationship that is based on mutual trust and exclusivity I feel safer to share my deeper and more vulnerable feelings, because of that commitment we have made to each other.

If that's not something you need to do, or you are able to share those feelings to people more easily, then that's great for you. Monogamy works for me.

I agree that one person can't and shouldn't be expected to meet all your needs. I don't think non-monogamy is always the solution though, although it definitely is for some people.

I don't think the issue is whether monogamy is good or bad. It's the pretence of monogamy by people who are sleeping around behind their partners' backs.

Unsurprisingly OP has no views of her own.