For thinking school are making too much of this?

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time over the raspberry blowing, @Notanothermondaymorning. Obviously it is nasty if spit lands on someone's face, and it is behaviour that should be discouraged in and out of the classroom - but thinking back to when my three were 6-year-olds, if the teacher had rung the parents every time a child blew a raspberry at another child, they would never have had a moment to do any actual teaching. I exaggerate, of course, but my point is that blowing raspberries at other children is not abnormal behaviour for children.

If I were you, I'd ask for a meeting with the teacher, to discuss how best to support your child in the class. Start off by saying that you support the teacher in instilling good behaviour in their pupils, and you appreciate that your son's behaviour has fallen short of the mark on several occasions - but explain to the teacher why you think these behaviours are happening (him being overwhelmed by the class noise, especially during free play), and ask if there are strategies that could be put in place to help mitigate this. Maybe there is a quieter part of the classroom that he could go to, during free play, or perhaps the teacher give him some way of letting her know when he is getting overwhelmed by the noise.

I think in a state school this really wouldn’t be an issue that staff have the time to bother about, it’s whether you feel the private school are valid in how they try to enforce discipline in a classroom or not? If you feel it’s over the top considering his challenges then I’d just arrange a meeting at the end of this term if these sort of reports carry on. It’s why private schools aren’t always the best place for those with certain challenges as they are beholden to other paying parents to maintain a particular learning environment. Ps my kid in a state school at this age was getting hit regularly by a Sen student without them notifying us, it’s really tough to consider blowing a raspberry is a phone call home type incident in a private school!

It's difficult to know what you want us to say op.

Because if we agree with you that these are minor for phone calls, which is what you appear to want us to, then that can only mean that these calls are a deliberate step towards managing him out.

Some mad, over the top comments on this thread lol.

I wouldn't expect my DD's school to call me if she blew a raspberry or knocked some blocks over, I would also find it frustrating to deal with. All through primary and now secondary many children in her friend groups have behaved much worse with no phone calls home over the years. Our children are not angels and even if some of you are convinced yours are, I promise you at school, or out with their friends, they can and will be little arseholes for no apparent reason. This boy, especially with the extra issues he has to deal with, doesn't sound bad at all. Sounds like you're on top of things at home and he will probably learn quickly what behaviour is and isn't acceptable as he grows within this new school environment.

I'd be asking school to communicate the issues in a different way as others have already suggested. Weekly diary that gets sent home on a Friday, weekly email etc.

It sounds like the school are contacting you for very minor behaviours and as you say, not unexpected in a 6 year old. I have worked with deaf children and behavioural issues are not uncommon, usually from frustration or feeling left out. I would just thank the school for letting you know and ask what they are doing to discourage the behaviour and help your son understand the consequences of poor behaviour? He needs lots of positive reinforcement when he's behaving well!

IMO, AIBU is not an appropriate board for this topic-most people have no idea of the difficulties which are experienced by a child who wears hearing aids. Perhaps you could ask for this to be moved?
It is so tricky to know how you and the school can deal with this-a less strict school may have more noise and upheaval throughout lessons so could make this worse. Equally you do not want to punish your ds by not letting him join in free play. Is there a quieter space/separate room that ds and a few other children can access sometimes with a TA supervising?
I think the communication book between home and school sounds like a really good idea and worth trying. Good luck 😊

This. In a private school they can decide which pupils they take in a way that state schools can’t. So you’re probably on the receiving end of them running a much tighter ship in behavioural terms and unfortunately you will probably have to accept that if you’re child is creating an environment that is exactly what other parents are paying to avoid, the school are not going to tolerate it in the way another might have to.

There may be very understandable reasons for his behaviour and it might not be the worst thing a 6 year old has ever done but the school are still not obliged to deal with it and it sounds very much like they’re making that clear. I would start looking at other options if I were you

My other thought is more cynical - is it a selective school in any way other than through being fee-paying? It is not entirely impossible that they are laying the groundwork for slowly managing him out / not selecting him to progress through the school at the next checkpoint / implying his needs might be better met elsewhere. As a teacher in a school that ‘caught’ children with SEN managed out of a local private school, it is another possibility.

Yeah, this is definitely a possibility. Although you would think they could cope with a hearing impairment in this day and age.

He does have a radio aid at school which does help but a lot of these issues occur in the ‘free play’ time in class when volume levels rise exponentially and the radio aid isn’t being used.

If his teacher, Senco and deaf teacher all agree the issues are related to his hearing -I'd suggest again pointing out when problems seem to be occurring fact everyone agree it's issues related to his hearing impairment - and asking what can be put in place to help him during these times when he's clearly struggling due to his disability.

I'd also say you are reinforcing good behavior requirements at home - but if this is a hearing issue then they need to make adjustments for him.

There’s a lot of focus on the raspberry blowing but I’d be more concerned if it was my kid about the saying unkind/inappropriate things. That isn’t ‘normal’ for a 6 year old. Silly things perhaps but not unkind.

I wonder how the parents of those children feel about when they hear about your son’s behaviour towards their children. If the school are getting complaints from other parents, this may be why they are contacting you about incidents.

You need to ask what is the school doing? What strategies is it putting in place to help your son? They’ve accepted him knowing his hearing difficulties. What are they doing in the classroom when it becomes over Noisy? How are they helping him how they supporting him? Thank them for the call but ask the above

Children of this age get over stimulated in large groups and that results in this kind of behaviour. A good teacher will notice this building up in certain children and keep the child's behaviour in check. I wonder if she is verbally reminding him, and he is not hearing, so carries on with his silliness. I am sure he doesn't just suddenly knock over a tower or blow raspberries without any previous behaviour. I presume if it is a private school, he is not in a class of 30?

I agree, it’s definitely at the root of this, so I would want to know what the school is doing to help him. My mother has hearing loss too and I know how disorientating it can be for her.

Saliva and spitting is very serious - classes as assault. Parents that laugh and find it hilarious when DC "blow raspberries" can't seem to fathom it is like laughing when a child hits you etc. It is not funny - it is gross and can spread disease. I'd have thought a pandemic would wake people up but not the entitled wealthy parents of Britain it seems. Wake up and stop him spitting. 7 member of my family are profoundly deaf and none of them behaved poorly at school because they were disciplined at home.

Does your son have Bluetooth processors? Could the teacher wear a microphone transmitter that sends audio directly to your son's processors?

When I was at university there was a girl who had that solution in lectures.

I don't know what the point of this is.

These are such minor issues - no I wouldn't expect a phone call home, and if I got one I'm afraid my question to them would be "ok, what do you want me to do about it?".

If they feel it warrants punishment or whatever, then that should happen in school at the time. Only if there was a pattern of behaviour would I expect a phone call and a request to reinforce their stance at home.

@Notanothermondaymorning what did they actually say on the phone call?

The school are communicating that it is abnormal in that setting.

Unless you feel that this type of behaviour is regularly happening within that class and other parents are not getting phone calls, then you have to accept that the school has particular expectations and is following their policy in letting you know.

It may be that the school is not right for you / your son - either because you don’t agree with their expectations or because they wish to manage him out as they do not feel he is able to match them so they cannot / do not want to meet his needs.

Whatever the case, this is how the school chooses to respond to this behaviour. If you think this is excessive, then you have a choice to work with with the school on how to modify the behaviour or find a school where this behaviour is responded to differently.

My other thought is more cynical - is it a selective school in any way other than through being fee-paying? It is not entirely impossible that they are laying the groundwork for slowly managing him out / not selecting him to progress through the school at the next checkpoint / implying his needs might be better met elsewhere. As a teacher in a school that ‘caught’ children with SEN managed out of a local private school, it is another possibility.

This was my first thought to be honest. Otherwise it does really seem like a small problem.

Hearing loss absolutely can be the root cause of that kind of behaviour in young children. Of course it's not literally because he has hearing loss that he blows a raspberry, but the frustration and overwhelm caused by having hearing loss is going to cause him to be frazzled, reactive and dysregulated. I've got hearing loss myself and even as an adult, in busy situations it is incredibly overwhelming and can even be panic inducing when noises start overlapping and I can't hear what's happening clearly.

omg recipient of raspberries might have to be my new name

If you were the parent of the children on the other side of your son's behaviour, you'd want it addressing. Continuous "low" level unkindness is wearing and not ok.

Most 6 year olds don’t behave like this in school. I’m not sure why you think they do, OP? Reception, possibly. By year 1, no.